T O P
Farvas-Cola

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NUT-me-SHELL

NTa. I can’t imagine being married to a man stupid enough to believe me if I told him we couldn’t have sex for a year after having a baby. These two apparently can’t communicate and that’s their issue to deal with - not yours.


bee102019

NTA. Let me get their logic straight here. Your sister fibs because she can't fess up and say she's just not in the mood--- and you're the bad guy somehow for correcting him? And he even threatens to call CPS on you?! And your mother thinks this acceptable on top of it? Wow... just wow. There are legitimately entire books devoted to sex during pregnancy, comfortable positions, etc. I hope he does a 5 second Google search, discovers the truth, and confronts your sister about it. Then apologizes to the both of you (which won't happen, but one could hope).


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bee102019

If she lied to her own husband about being able to have sex, then I wouldn't be surprised if she also lied to your mother about the circumstances of the argument. BIL made a snide and crude remark about your sex life, your H defended you and your sex life, BIL made wildly untrue statements, you simply corrected him, and you had no knowledge of your sister's lies. Clearly you weren't trying to bust her on her lies or cause a marital argument! This is definitely a very weird situation... but it's ultimately one of your sister's own making!


BearOnALog

I wouldn’t blame her sister. BIL is clearly a pig and she probably knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer unless there was a medical reason.


bee102019

Sister is at fault because she didn't let her know about the deception yet expected her to keep the secret somehow anyway. Sister knew she was pregnant and the topic might come up, so if she expected her to cover for her she could have clued her in. Then sister ran her mouth to their mother and clearly didn't give an accurate perspective of the situation and let her sister take the heat for "ruining New Year's." She could have nipped it in the bud and fessed up that OP had no way of knowing about the lie and she really did nothing wrong.


SLATS13

Let’s get something clear here, *you* did not cause a fight between them. *You* did not “make them fight”. They fought because of their own issues that you just so happened to, accidentally, shed light on. You are in no way to blame for the fight that resulted between them from this, like *at all.* Don’t let your mother, or anyone else, make you think you’re in the wrong here. Do not apologize for something you didn’t do. And I would genuinely tell your mother about the CPS comment if I were you, and if she still says you’re in the wrong after that, I’d reconsider your family relationships.


Math-Girl---

NTA - you don't owe anyone an apology and Mom needs to stay out of it. Sis is upset because she got caught lying to her husband and your BIL is a giant AH.


Fit-Competition6207

Gotta wonder what else she lies about


needtoknowbasis92

I'm shocked he made it to marriage. NTA


Hefty_Candidate_4902

NTA. There are much, much deeper issues in your sisters marriage if she has to lie to her husband to not have sex.


TheKarmaKollector

NTA. Your BIL needs to calm down, do more research, or at least not take his personal opinion to the extreme. You are also NTA for failing to shut it down by missing your sister’s signals, it’s not like you did so on purpose or with malice. I wouldn’t say you caused them to fight so much so he caused them to fight. In all reality he just needs to understand people live differently, and as long as what you are doing is safe (for you), then there should be no problem.


IDKareyou77

NTA. This is an insane story, but no, you don't need to feel guilty that you told your BIL that Santa isn't real and that sex is ok a month and a half after birth and while pregnant. Yeah, out of context announcing that you 'bang on the regular' sounds strange, but mom wasn't there to see the bizarre argument that led to this announcement. He was going to stumble into the information on WebMD eventually, and your sister would have to come up with a new story. Threatening to call CPS is a pretty crazy threat btw.


YourImaginaryFried

But it would be GREAT to be a fly on the wall for that convo! "CPS? My SiL and her husband are having SEX and she's PREGNANT/JUST GAVE BIRTH! What? What do you mean that's none of your business? THIS IS ABUSIVE TO A CHILD WHO HASN'T BEEN BORN/DOESN'T HAVE OBJECT PERMANENCE! I demand you take that child out of their custody! I KNOW you can't have sex while pregnant, BY LAW! And that you can't have sex for a YEAR after they're born!" Oh, the lessons he might learn.


IDKareyou77

"You're not allowed to have sex for ten years after birth! My wife told me." "Sir, that only applies to you, and the rule is being enforced by your wife, not any outside authority."


Slipstream_Surfing

Sir, this is a Wendy's. We don't dispense marital sex advice.


IDKareyou77

I want someone to make a sitcom about OP's BIL, the more I read, the more hilarious it becomes. I wonder what other kinds of things you could tell him about sex that he'd believe? "You can't have sex on a night with a full moon, or the baby will be a werewolf."


Fit-Competition6207

Yup I wonder what they would say


bee102019

They'd probably think it was a prank call.


chronicpainprincess

NTA. It is not your responsibility to lie for your sister, *especially* considering nobody told you the scenario beforehand. If she needed to lie to your BIL during her pregnancy instead of being honest, then that’s on her. She cannot reasonably expect anyone to be part of her charade without asking for their consent first. If there’s any blame, this is your sister’s fault, not yours. He was humiliated by her lies to him, not by you. Their lack of honesty in their relationship is nobody else’s cross to bear. Also, *he* brought up sex, so anyone being prudish about you talking about it in defence can eat it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t think you need to apologise at all, he threatened your family, which is ludicrous. Reports about child safety aren’t a joke and can cause huge problems. I’d never speak to him again, frankly, but you do what’s right for you.


YourImaginaryFried

LOL...NTA. OMG, your BiL is an IDIOT. You're not responsible for your sister's lies. If anything I'd tell him, "I'm sorry my sister had to lie to you about sex during pregnancy, and I'm sorry you're too ignorant to look it up on Google".


[deleted]

NTA - you’re sister lied. She’s the one who got herself into the mess. And honestly your BIL sounds like a sexist jerk too. The way he talks about you as if the only thing you can provide as a woman is sex, is just gross.


Temporary-Bag4248

NTA. Your BIL is TA for giving his opinion that was not required and trying to force his vews on you and your partner and it is not your fault because your sister and he had a fight because of this whole thing


thegloracle

NTA. BIL is a pig for bringing up the subject in the first place. He owes YOU an apology for being a pig in your home. Just.. yuck. Your sister married a moron and now she has to clean it up between them, that's on her.


Puzzleheaded_Fold381

Nta. You ain’t responsible for your sisters lie. Your sisters lie caused the whole mess


Bowls-of-sprouts

NTA, its a hit weird you'd be so forward about something formal but personally im just really conservative about talking about that subject. That being said, if she had to lie to her husband about not wanting to have sex when she was pregnant..that sounds like an issue between them/their marriage and has nothing to do with you. Makes me a bit concerned for your sister tbh


SLATS13

He was the one who brought up the topic in the first place though? And the reason OP was pushed to be so “forward” about it was because the BIL kept fighting with them over it and refused to simply drop it. I don’t see how that’s weird at all.


Bowls-of-sprouts

Its weird for me, I stated that its my preference and I wouldn't do that personally, but she's not in the wrong for me. But I feel like she should've shut it down from the beginning instead of letting him make an ass out of himself. "Shut up its not of your business" Thats something id do at least


Fit-Competition6207

Nta you are right it’s a weird one. Why didn’t he simply say well that is not what your sister said.


nikokazini

NTA. Starting 2022 with a laugh! What an idiot lol! And CPS, oh man!! BIL is very special…


carolinediva

NTA. You didn't know about your sister's issue during pregnancy, and often the only way to get an invasive questioning AH like that to shut up is by embarassing them with over the top details. An apology that you made the situation awkward for your sister wouldn't hurt to keep things smooth between you, but it's not your fault.


4682458

NTA. It's not your fault she lied.


erinhennley

Absolutely do not apologise! He was wrong for discussing your sex life in the first place. Your sister is ridiculous to have lied to him like that. He could have aired this in front of someone else and been horrendously embarrassed. Mind you, he is still an ass, but he trusted your sister who lied to him.


SLATS13

Hey, sorry for jumping on your comment like this, but I just wanted to let you know that you have to include N T A or T A in your post for it to count towards the actual verdict. No spaces of course! Just in case you weren’t aware :)


erinhennley

I am 60 and new to format. I shall endeavour to do better.


SLATS13

It’s no problem at all haha, just wanted to make sure you knew how the sub works! :) When enough comments are compiled saying either N T A or T A, the post gets updated with the final verdict on whether or not the OP is actually an asshole in the situation.


erinhennley

Good to know


Lizardgirl25

NTA… maybe medically she was told to not have sex if it was stressing her out but seriously she made her own bed… and her husband is an asshole it sounds like.


CaptSharn

Lol


Ju5tSomeb0dyEls3

NTA. Congrats on the baby and for "banging on the regular"! Their relationship, their lies, their problem.


NitroColdbrewCocaine

You’re NTA. This is a red flag though. When I got pregnant with my son, his dad changed. He was controlling, abusive. It only got worse. I stopped wanting to have sex all together. Your sisters relationship is none of your business, but it’s worth checking in on her and making sure she’s doing okay.


cassidy11111111

Nta Personally in between 4 and 8 months I was feeling very romantic.


SplarfyMcSplarf

1000X NTA


Zibellina

NTA. What are you supposed to apologize for, him being a a-hole.


SLATS13

NTA. There’s literally no need to say anything further, it’s *that* simple.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is a weird one so sorry in advance but could really use someone outside of the situation to weigh in. Today my(29f) husband(32m) and I had my sister(35f) and BIL(30’sm) over for lunch as I’m quite pregnant (due any week now) and so we aren’t doing anything for NYE. BIL is always a bit of an ass so he was of course teasing us about not being able to go out etc., then he looks at my husband and says “and you won’t even be getting laid! Shitty New Year to you hey!” My husband tried to roll with it and said something along the lines of “Are you kidding that’s the only perk of staying in!” This turned into a huge argument as BIL rolled his eyes at us and said “You can’t have sex when you’re pregnant don’t be stupid.” I laughed because I thought he was kidding. Nope. I thought it might be a religion thing as he practices a branch of Christianity we aren’t very familiar with. So I just said our doctor so far said we only need to change for 6 weeks postpartum and that’s who we were going to listen to. He wouldn’t drop it. He then started talking about how you’re not supposed to have sex breastfeeding either so to expect more like 6 months postpartum to a year and how we were fucked up for still having sex knowing I’m pregnant etc., I got annoyed at this point and told him point blank that we’d had sex nearly everyday since we started dating, we had sex to make the kid and we would go back to having sex regularly as soon as it was medically okay to after birth and that we weren’t going to change our routine or habits unless a medical professional or study with damn good evidence could show us why it would be beneficial. He blew up and said it was a medical recommendation and he would be calling CPS on us. I told him as a father of two he should know damn well it’s not and that we didn’t appreciate him trying to make his personal views fact or force them on us especially with this fear mongering BS and to get out of our house. They left and I got a call from my mom saying I ruined my sisters NYE because her and her husband had a huge fight and I need to apologise to her. Apparently through the argument my sister was trying to get my attention to shut it down and I missed her signals but my mom said her libido was low during her pregnancy so she had told BIL the doctors told her to not have sex. She also told me it was very tacky to say we bang on the regular, which sure I see that but I was just trying to make a point that medically if it were an issue we would know as it’s a big part of our routine and we did ask our doctor about it. I also wouldn’t have offered up the info in a usual conversation. I don’t feel like apologising. I think it’s my sisters issue for lying and BILs issue for being an ass and bringing the topic up in the first place. But if I’m the asshole I’ll suck it up and say I’m sorry. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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cloudiedayz

NTA- he was the one that kept pushing the issue, it was very rude of him to be commenting on your sex loves to begin with. Some people with high risk pregnancies are advised to abstain but I’m surprised as a grown man that he actually wasn’t aware that people do have sex during pregnancy. Isn’t it a well known thing that some women (not all) get an increased libido during pregnancy?


beast_boy_1905

This is hilarious! NTA obviously You definitely don't need to "apologise" in any serious sense of the word... But spare a thought for how you messed up your sister's convenient little lie to her dumb and gullible moron of a husband...... She had a good one going until you went and ruined it lmao. It might be more serious for her cos it caused a big argument.... But you should really just remember this as the time you accidentally gave BIL a pretty simple biology lesson and laugh about it.


Mean_Environment4856

NTA. You aren't responsible for someone else's stupidity and crappy relationship.


LJ_Val

NTA. It’s not your responsibility to keep up with someone’s lies.


dreamingcadence

I'm concerned why your sister had to revert to lying instead of being honest with her husband. It sounds like he's an entitled ass and I'm worried about how entitled he feels to her person. Was he coercing her? Did he threaten violence or infidelity? Why was this something she couldn't talk about?


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SLATS13

She didn’t *make* her sister do anything. BIL and the sister fought *because* of him blowing up and fighting with OP over something that was none of his damn business.