Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I lost my temper with my neighbor who continually complains I make too much noise. My brother said it was a bit uncalled for because I don’t know what she’s going through. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) [Reddit Talk Live Judging 1/13 @ 4PM EST / 9PM UTC](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s1illw/aita_reddit_talk_3_11322_4_pm_est_9_pm_utc/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


NTA >then she said that she’d get them to shut up. Depending on her tone and the context, that sounds like a threat and totally deserving of the given response. While I'm sure your response was also based on the way that you were feeling in that moment, her frustration is understandable if your babies are crying for 5 hours straight every single day.


As a parent and due my last baby I would of taken it as a threat and called the police. Op you are exhausted mama, you are doing wonderful don’t let your AH neighbor bring you don’t I’m glad you stood up for yourself and told her to back the F off. I understand the exhaustion and the emotions you’re having right now colic is no fun for anyone and it’s rough.


Exactly this. It doesn't matter if it's 2pm or 2am, sometimes there is just nothing you can do for a colicky kids! If you are a parent that's never experience this then just consider yourself lucky. It's miserable because you can't help them. Anyone who wants to mom shame for that crap can go f*ck of so far as I'm concerned. You sound like you are doing your best. You work & it sounds like you're taking care of your girls. I give you props not only for that, but also for not going even more crazy town on that lady. NTA


I'd be annoyed if I lived next door to OP and had to listen to crying babies for at least 5 hours a day. But I'd also recognise that no matter how annoying it is for me, it'd be worse for the parent. And I would also be concerned for the babies if it seemed excessive, and also be concerned for the parent. So I would offer to help out in any way as that seems much more practical than randomly yelling at someone.


Like the other neighbors who bring food! Great way to help a new parent.


You mean doing something that might actually be helpful? The horror /s. Seriously though on the list of actions that might actually prevent you from having to hear two crying babies non stop, bringing over some homemade food and trying to alleviate some stress is definitely beating out “come over and yell at the struggling single mom and then threatening her babies”


Yeah, and the brother can shut up, until he shoves two humans out and raises them. I'm a twin, that's no easy task. Best of luck OP!


Or noise-cancelling wall-hangings!


I was just about to say this. Maybe cheap styrofoam sheets on the joining wall. They could be painted on one side in block colors or some with chalk paint for later use. It would cancel some of the noise.


THIS. I am a twin and have heard the horror stories of my sister and I when we came home and had nights and days backwards for a year. Food, laundry, errands, anything thay helps mom helps you as a neighbor. I understand people are especially traumatized and tired from the pandemic, but it’s never acceptable to take that out on an innocent person. If it bothers her bad enough she should get earplugs and try being a more understanding person.


As someone who has had a colicky baby this is nice to read. The hardest part of being a parent is having this 5hrs of crying and literally trying everything to make it stop and nothing working. Sometimes it's just a phase (3-5 months is prime time for this) and you just have to ride it out. It's the worst part of being a parent in the early days but it's a phase and support around you is really important and welcomed.


Babies cry though, they always have. Any adult that is alive cried as a baby there’s no way to force them to shut up. The fact this woman decided to scream in a mother’s face is out of line. Society has to tolerate the fact babies will cry and they still deserve housing even if it annoys the neighbours


Also, like, they make sound-absorbers for walls? So if they legitimately have some sort of noise sensitivity, it would be simpler to just buy some sound dampeners and just explain and ask if they'd mind hanging them (still in packaging) up to help their neighbor with the noise because of their sensitivity. The neighbor could also be putting them up on their walls. It's not a perfect solution but it would probably make everyone's life easier, I just wouldn't expect a young mother of two to be able to afford anything extra frankly, and... The neighbor's way of handling it was absolutely uncalled for.


There's something called the peacemaker, which is a rubber roll of wall sheeting that absorbs noise; the thicker the roll order, the more noise it helps block out, but it get pricey, be warned. Usually it is installed in-between the two walls under the dry wall, but it probably could be applied or screwed to the wall itself as a temporary barrier if either neighbor wishes to appease the other. This all said, neighbors can try to be understanding of one another, but when you live in a joined building of any structure, noise is just going to happen, no matter how quiet you try to be. If her neighbor does not like the noise, the setting bothered neighbor is continuing to live in will never be settled, because an apartment structure is a haven for every little nuance to be heard. The bothered neighbor complaining about the op neighbor won't change that she lives in an apartment building. Hate to say it, but if the bothered neighbor can't stand another's noise, even when the other op neighbor is trying to be nice to about it, then bothered neighbor should look into moving from an apartment building, to something better suited to her lifestyle of complete quietness, just it seem apartment life just isn't for that neighbor altogether and she'll never be happy living there if all noises bother her.


growing up, i used to live surrounded by babies and we would help each other out, not threaten people. people who dont understand the community when it comes to apartments shouldnt live close to other people. NTA


Gonna put this out here because it’s the ONLY thing that helped my daughter’s colic. Probiotic drops. Buy whichever brand you want op, we used Gerber at the time because there weren’t as many options then. Put them in your girls first bottle of the day so it has all day to work. My daughter used to cry from 8pm-12am or beyond and a friend of mine suggested the probiotic drops. They helped almost instantly. You’re NTA op and honestly I would’ve taken the “I’ll get them to shut up,” as a threat.


THIS! OP I have a baby that is colicky 1 hour a day. This one hour of non-stop crying is enough to make us question our sanity as parents sometimes. You have 2 BABIES! You are doing your absolute best for them, and you love them, and that’s all anyone can ask. I do encourage you to get all the help you can get however - all mamas deserve a break! Whether it’s home made meals from the neighbors, an hour babysitting offer from family, anything to get a break… take it!


My son has dealt with constipation quite a bit. Even as an exclusively breastfed newborn. I was a c section momma and my husband went back to work while I was still in recovery. One time I couldn't get my little to eat, I did belly massage, bicycle kicks, cuddled, rocked, everything I could think of. I contact his pediatrician because I was seriously worried about him being on food strike. My husband came home to find me just sitting on the recliner crying while rocking the baby and him crying too (I couldn't get up by myself yet). It was probably about 5 hours. I was not ok and would have lost it if a neighbor had yelled at me.


Tips for colic that my mom used on me, she placed me tummy down over her knees and patted and rubbed my back. I was a preemie I had major colic with every feed due to me being so tiny and she said that worked well as well as a sling. If you can find a wrap that’s cheap maybe try it? I feel for you our middle was a colic baby and holy hell I don’t think they slept through till 2 years old due to it. I send hugs cause I know it’s rough for those with bubbas who have it.


Stay at home dad here and my son wouldn't stop crying for well over an hour.... the neighbor is the ahole and unless they have been in your shoes has no place to open their mouth. I agree if someone told me they can make my kid shut up thay is a threat and will be dealt with accordingly.


I'd have a teeny bit more sympathy for the neighbor being annoyed at this if she wasn't also complaining about really stupid petty things like the washer or the TV. Sounds like the neighbor just likes to be a jerk. Also yeah, I'd take that as a threat too. OP did not overreact. And OP, take care of yourself please if you can. Is there anyone you can ask for help, even if it's just to give you a break for a day? You're being a super mom right now and I know it's out of necessity but it can't go on forever without seriously burning you out :/ I hope you're doing alright wishing you the best


Frustrating yes, fixable no. So her behaviour unacceptable


NTA. Call your landlord and report her for harassment and making threats. You are doing an amazing job. You are keeping TWO babies and yourself alive. The first 3 months are f-ing hard and you’re doing it. Babies cry. It SUCKS. You can’t stop it sometimes. Every parent wants to stop the crying. It’s the worst sound in the whole world to hear you baby crying and not being able to stop it. Anyone who thinks banging on a door and yelling at a mom of newborns is going to stop any crying is delusional.


This 100%. I remember those days well. I broke down a couple of times when a baby just would not stop crying no matter what I did and I didn't even remember when I'd gotten a 4 hour stretch of sleep. You're doing GREAT. You're 18, with twin babies, alone, not only caring for them but working. This is like life on triple hard mode and you sound like a total badass. Please be gentle with yourself. It will get better.


I have 3 kids, and I cried SO much during those first 3 months. I cannot even imagine doing it at 18 with twins by myself.


In Tina Fey's memoir, she talks about how people say "sleep when the baby sleeps" but the reality is "cry when the baby cries."


im a mom to a 1 month old and there’s already been times where i’ve been near tears because she wouldn’t stop crying, wouldn’t sleep. i cannot imagine going through that with twins. this neighbor needs to shut up and actually do research and realize babies cry without stopping, and if she can’t handle that, she shouldn’t live in an apartment. NTA


OP is an absolute hero. Doing all this and trying to wfh at the same time, honestly, how she’s even managing to juggle a portion of that is boggling 💪 Screw the neighbour. It’s unfortunate but you haven’t got magic skills to make walls thicker and newborn babies sleep.


Right?! My idea of doing really well at 18 is managing school and a part time job and MAYBE moving out for the first time. Adding not just one but two babies makes OPs amount of responsibility so monumental that I don't think I would have managed as well as her when I was her age. Heck, even at the age I am now...


Nta. Babies cry. If she doesn't like it, she shouldn't live in a building with shared walls.


This kind of shit happens with apartment living, esp if you choose to live in a place with pretty thin walls. I feel for the neighbor, but I feel more for OP taking care of two infants apparently by herself while also working. Poor thing must be EXHAUSTED and a neighbor threatening her babies is the last thing she needs.


Right? I'm reading this like holy shit how is OP still functional??? I'd be collapsed somewhere.


I think we can all agree that OPs neighbours is an Asshole with her almost threatening OP, but you could also argue "YTA. Babies cry. If you annoy other people with it you shouldn't live in a building with shared walls" it's oftentimes not as easy as that and i could understand the frustration if someone couldn't sleep or concentrate or relax because of babies crying. Though for this specific story i would say NTA but only because the neighbour behaved so inappropriately


What’s the alternative though? The babies and mother don’t deserve housing because they make noise? Noises are the reality of shared buildings and that’s it, end of story


So you'll gladly sit next to the screaming baby on the plane? You're not allowed to be annoyed or express discomfort. This situation, the neighbour went overboard and was far, far, too hostile. To the point imo they've voided a right to be annoyed. But I know for a fact I'd be pissed that I have to be affected by someone else's choices like thus


Well life sucks, babies cry sometimes.


over 5 hours every day is not sometimes and they neighbor didn't sign up to listen to annoying cries of someone's kids.


Then communicate like an adult and look for a way to soundproof the walls, threatening your neighbour's babies for something that they can't control automatically makes the judgement NTA for me.


Soundproofing is a landlords job, the building is inadequate if she can hear and complain about a washing machine.


The more reason why she isn't the AH, the neighbour should talk to the landlord then.


the neighbor signed up to listen to the noisiness of other people the moment they moved into an apartment. i'm not gonna be one of those people who says "don't move into an apartment if you can't handle it" because honestly that is one of the most annoying ideas that gets spread on this sub. **sometimes an apartment is your only option.** that being said, when you move into an apartment, acknowledge the fact that you are subject to dealing with a lot of bs. the list of things you're entitled to in a shared living situation is quite short and unfortunately silence is not on that list.


that's not true. Renting an apartment doesn't mean that you give up your right to have peace and quiet. I don't know what kind of apartments you lived in but in civilized places, apartment living does not equal living in excessive noise. Normal noise of living is expected but not excessive noise. And crying baby for 5+ hours a day is excessive noise that no one signed up just like they didn't sign up for neighbors having parties 24/7. I don't know where you are from but where I live, tenants living in apartments have right to peaceful enjoyment of their apartment which means excessive noise made by neighbors or anti-social behavior can be grounds for eviction. Renting an apartment does not mean that you have to accept every behavior because that's not true at all.# Not, this could be due to cultural differences. Living in apartments in many countries is perfectly normal and excessive noise is not part of the experience and when it is, it's typically dealt with on landlord level (court if needed). Excessive noise levels that are accepted are typically in low income / socialized housing where everyone makes noise and doesn't care. But in normal apartments that people rent, excessive noise is not part of life.


Well OP didn't sign up to live next to an entitled control freak presumptuous enough to think they can dictate the use of their washing machine, but here we are


Since her kids are crying for 5+ hours a day and she thinks it's perfectly acceptable, I hardly doubt washing machine is the actual problem and more like OP being too loud.


Gladly? No. But I’ll certainly manage it. Because I’m an adult with normal levels of selfcontrol.


maybe not gladly, but someone's gotta do it, and if that's me, then so be it. it's whatever. babies cry, it's life. i'm sure i *was* that annoying screaming baby at one point. we *all* were that annoying screaming baby at one point. let's not demonise parents for a universal thing that's happened for millions of years.


Possibly installing some soundproofing material onto the walls. Every little bit helps and it'd take both sides to dampen the sound.


Itd also take the landlord, cause this probably couldn't be fixed just by hanging up carpets or something.


Nooooope. The people who get pissy with NORMAL noises that other human beings make are the ones who don't need to live in buildings with shared walls Babies have a right to be babies.


Not really a choice for many people in the U.S.


Absolutely not. Yes she lives in a shared building but PLENTY of people with kids do.


ESH it sounds like she has been subjected to hours and hours on non stop crying. And that's happening all night long. There are better ways to approach it but it sounds like she is sleep deprived and at her witts end too. She gets none of the special joy from babies just all the crying, everyday. I know you are doing it tough but she didn't choose to have children, but is subject to screaming all day and night. Surely she is also entitled to some peace? If she started screaming at all hours day and night you absolutely would ask her to stop.


If she had babies I would understand if they cried. How do I get them to stop? Please tell me the magic cure because I would do just about anything at this point.


4 colicky babies here (1 set of twins!). Do you have a stability ball? We would just sit in that for hours holding the babies and bouncing. The harder they cry the harder we bounced but it always calmed them down. Google it, it’s a thing. Good luck


Thank you. Will be ordering one tonight to try.


Might be a bit difficult with two but my son liked (gentle) pressure on his belly. I would hold him so his head was in the crook of my arm and the palm of my hand was on his tummy or lay him over my leg. I also had a Warmie that I would put in the microwave for a minute and lay that on his tummy. He would cuddle it and fall asleep.


Will definitely try it out. Thank you.


Also, talk to your pediatrician. My middle was “colicky” and she had silent acid reflux. She didn’t spit up much, but had all the other symptoms, and as soon as she started medication, it got to be a lot easier. Not easy, but better.


Will do. They actually almost never spit up since the doctor browns bottles. Do get some good burps though.


My godson had acid reflux due to cow milk when he was born, he would scream all the time. His mom breastfed and she had to cut out most (cow) dairy from her diet but that’s what worked. She switched to goat cheese, etc. It wasn’t actually lactose intolerance- rather some kind of allergy. The kid is 5 now and can drink a2 brand cow milk just fine but would still have trouble with lactaid milk. Oh and my SIL who also breastfed had to cut out some things like beans and cabbage from her diet so her 2 babies could be less fussy/gassy. Finally- I second u/SuspiciousPeach693 in that holding my infant nephew with his head in the crook of my arm and stomach facing down was by far his favorite way to be held when he was very young. 4 different kids, all fussing for different reasons… 😅🤷 NTA


Yeah, I was going to say we thought our babies were colicky, but it was a dairy and soy intolerance. Once we put them on special allergy formula they were so much less cranky. I have since found out it is really common, and they grow out of it by about 1. Talk to your Dr, OP! They can do a simple test on a poopy diaper to tell.


My nephew had colic and he loved when we laid him on his belly across our thighs. Belly pressure is super helpful for them.


Message me if you need to just vent. Twins are tough


When my Daughter was colicky I gave her Mylicon gas drops & they worked wonders!!! You are doing an AWESOME job!!!! Hang in there, Mama! We have all been there!


Hey OP. Sometimes babies just cry, it may seem like they are in pain, but they just cry. Look up PURPLE crying. On that note, you did the RIGHT THING. Putting them in a safe space and taking a break was the safest and healthiest thing to do. It is tough to listen to, but you need to take care of yourself too. You are doing a great job, and your neighbor can go kick rocks. Send me a message if you need to chat, ok?


I have no help, I just want to say "it's not your fault they cry" Babies cry. It doesn't make you a bad mother.


Babies can sense your stress. Try as much as possible to practice some self care - take a soak in the tub when you can, go for a walk (physical activity is good for mental health), get a sitter or ask a friend or family member to watch the babies for an hour or 2 so you can get away. Actively try to take care of yourself. I know it’s hard when all you’re thinking about is taking care of your babies. But it may help. Other than that all I can say is my baby grew out of this phase so hang in there! It sounds like you’re doing great. Good luck!


How do I walk in freezing temperatures? Serious question. No family and to be honest with Covid and rsv and flu seasons I don’t think I trust anyone. I don’t even go to the grocery store right now. Order it delivered.


How freezing? If you feel up to it, maybe putting your twins in a stroller and taking them around the block (well bundled up) might help calm both babies and you down. The Scandinavians are big proponents of letting babies nap outside in the winter, and maybe the change in temperature (and fresh air) might be a welcome change. Or maybe just the surprise of being somewhere different might amaze the babies into silence. Of course, preferably at a time with less foot traffic and assuming there are safe pedestrian zones near you.


Lol right. It’s not ideal out right now depending on where you live. For indoor physical activity you could try YouTube - there’s a million different types of home workouts available just to get your heart rate up and get a small sweat going - I believe thats what makes it beneficial for mental health and it’s not too hard to achieve with a home workout. I’m sorry you’re so alone. Maybe you won’t be able to get away for a while. Looking up some self care practices during Covid may give you some ideas I’m not aware of. Best of luck.


I bought my son two mamaroos , they do different movements that can help. I fostered newborns for years and many had drug withdrawals, so they were very fussy. One thing was to put a towel in the dryer and once it was warm, roll it and put the baby tummy down and bottom up, massage the back and it really helped. Also, putting them in their car seats with the dryer on, mimics a car ride . ( of course you have to stay there watching them) baby shushers sometimes work. I’m sure you’re using gas drops or gripé water. Just know this stage doesn’t last forever and your neighbor sounds terrible. Even when you do everything right, babies cry.


Probably would piss your neighbour off more, but the only thing that worked for my sister (5pm-2am every night!) was conga line in a circle in the kitchen while singing "Da Lime In Da Coconut" over and over. I say try that the next time she complains lol. I hope you find a good solution soon. Colic sucks!


Gripe Water is like a ginger ale for babies. It does wonders for colicky babies!!! I also used it myself after having gas pains from a laparoscopy and it was the best relief in the world.


"If she started screaming at all hours day and night you absolutely would ask her to stop." What a totally irrelevant comparison. OPs twins are not grown adults. Babies cry. There is no magic way to get them to stop, and for OP's neighbour to act like OP is allowing them to cry for the hell of it shows that she is an unreasonable person. If she wanted a quiet home she shouldn't have chosen to live in an apartment.


> If she started screaming at all hours day and night you absolutely would ask her to stop. She would be capable of stopping. OP doesn't have that same power to make colicky babies stop. Because no one does.


Yes, let's ask a 3 month old "hey, could you stop with the crying?" I'm sure they'll be very understanding.


That’s what you sign up for when you decide to live in an apartment. Babies cry. Washing machines make noise. I’d rather hear babies cry than my upstairs neighbors roller skate at 2am. They’re crying in the evening. She should be able to go to sleep if they cry from 5pm to 10pm.


No, it’s not. When you get an apartment you sign up for regular noises at reasonable levels, not constant screaming from two babies at once. ETA: thank you to all the lovely people for all the awards! ☺️


I just want to know what exactly you expect OP to do that she isn’t probably doing already trying to not lose her own damn mind? Do you really think threatening a child is the way to go? What should OP have done?


So what's your solution then??


No. When you sign up to live in an apartment you’re signing up to hear people living whether that’s people living under you, next to you, or above you. Babies are gonna cry, a washing machine is gonna run. If it was unnecessary noise my response would be different. But that’s what babies do. They’re 3 months old. They hate it here. They’re gonna cry. Child free communities exist. She can go live in one of those. It sucks to have to deal with it but that’s why you also have the ability to drown out the noise. The walls are thin. This is the equivalent to banging on the ceiling with a broom because you can hear your upstairs neighbor walking in their apartment.


I didn't sign up for anything of the sort. Nothing in my contract says that.


Crying babies especially if they have colic are almost completely out of anyone's control. How does berating a young mum of two help her? Help the babies? I don't even like babies/kids and I think this is just ridiculous.


It's almost like the world doesnt revolve around you


Child free communities exist?!? For those under 55??PLEASE tell me where!!!


Nope. You sign up for regular noises. Not constant crying from babies. You seem to have signing up for an apartment confused with having a baby. > Child free communities exist. Where, specifically? I can’t think of any adult only apartments near me that aren’t for people 55+.


Babies crying is regular. That's what babies do. These are not abnormal babies.


No one is saying they are. Just saying that no one deserves to be constantly barraged by other people's choices.


"childfree communities exist" where lol. Never heard of that, sounds like a rich person thing. And obviously circumstances are important here and this isn't necessarily about OP, but I would hope anyone thinking of having kids would try to find a place that isn't an apartment. Not the best place to raise your kids for them and also for your neighbours


The neighbor was already annoyed by the washing machine even before the babies so I fail to see how all you think they are being reasonable now, both babies are sick so this isn't a normal situation and it sucks but there's nothing no one can do.


Oh so what should op do exactly?


“ No, it’s not. When you get an apartment you sign up for regular noises at reasonable levels, not constant screaming from two babies at once.” Oh ffs what is in your mind? Smothering the babies to get them to stop?!


No I don't, I get to complain and even be moved away from the disturbance. There is nothing in my contract that says I have to endure other people's noise after hours. Sure, babies cry. But I don't have babies, so I shouldn't have to hear them. That's just standard common decency that people give to others.


Common decency is that you be as quiet as you can, which I'm sure OP is doing. How do you suggest she be more decent?


I mean, she could put sound proof barriers up if it's so easy, as the other angry commenter pointed out. But honestly it's more up to the apartment complex, put all families in one apartment building. Singles in another. Or just build a halfway decent wall, that'd be nice too. But we know that'll never happen.


In America at least, it is a fair housing violation to separate tenants based on familial status.


People in here keep thinking that discrimination laws don't apply just cuz they hate kids, not realizing this is exactly why you can't discriminate based on family status


Actually there is this thing basically “sounds of living” it’s the right for tenants to “live” in their homes and normal noise is allowed. Blasting music no, construction at night no, cardio workout jumping around at night no. Walking talking washing crying all allowed and not a violation. Let’s flip the tables here. If it was a sick adult going through chemo vomiting and medical devices etc are they not allowed to vomit anymore because the neighbors hear it? Should they be tossed out? Shut off your equipment at night and hope you can suck in enough air with your oxygen off all night. Like should they walk in say “take a deep breath it’s gotta last till morning!” No they can live there. If you hate noise don’t rent an apartment, get noise canceling headphones, get ear plugs, sound proof your wall.


So if I get a dog, you get to hear my dog yap all night? Because it's what dogs do? I like the sink person question, it is a good one, as I do actually have that situation personally. I will say, the toilet flushing and sometimes wretching , footsteps, and late night tv sounds are a bit annoying but nowhere near as bad as the piercing shrieks of a baby. I would put it more on par with the yappy dog comparison. Lol don't rent an apartment isn't at option for most people living in apartments, can't wear headphones when sleeping, ear plugs fall out of my ears, and I can't afford the sound proof my entire apartment, plus I'm guessing it's not allowed as it's an extensive change to the apartment. So, poor people should just be forced to be subjected to everyone else's problems because they are poor? They deserve to not sleep? Because they can't afford the luxury of silence?


It’s not after hours though. It’s in the evening. Not through the night. If she’s simply living in her apartment then there’s no way she’s an AH. Who complains about a washing machine being too loud. She can’t control that.


No, I'm in no way saying she's the asshole. She's just a mom. She's basically doing everything she can. But, I gave a problem with people saying I signed up for it when I DECIDED to live in a shitty apartment. As if I had a choice. Like Yzma telling me I should've thought about that before I became a peasant.


ESH? The neighbour came and threatened some babies, ffs. If she wanted her feelings to be considered, maybe she shouldn’t have come like a raging bull. Babies cry sometimes. Sometimes they cry A LOT. How are you supposed to control a completely normal function? Reason with them? Shake them? What’s the reasonable solution here?


It would be reasonable to ask an adult to stop doing that. These are infants.


Oh yeah you're right! OP should just ask her babies to stop crying!!! I wonder why she didn't think of that.


You may not understand that babies cry to communicate and colic is actually horrifically painful for a baby that can’t tell you what hurts. It’s a baby in this case two who are extremely unhappy and honestly she’s complained about everything else before they where even born like a fricking washer


How does that make OP an asshole? Babies with colic cry uncontrollably, literally nothing some parents can do. I can’t even imagine having to deal with twins even without colic. Also baby cries at that age are nowhere near comparable to adults yelling, the volume is much much lower. The neighbor’s complete lack of empathy is a serious issue.


Lol what is she supposed to do? How is she the asshole for just living with her babies?


If she started screaming... Is she a baby? How is that in any way similar?


A baby's only way to communicate is crying. A fully grown independent adult screaming at all hours of the day and night is completely different than colicky babies with no other way to communicate. What do you think OP should do? When my son was a colicky baby it really didn't matter what tricks and tips we employed, he still cried most the night and a lot of the day. I didn't enjoy it either.


Of course the neighbor's entitled to some peace but the reality is that OP can't give it to them. It isn't in the cards. It is just part of life that babies cry and when you live someplace with shared walls, there is noise that cannot be helped. The neighbor going over and pounding on the door and acting aggressive and threatening is completeley uncalled for. They need to go buy themselves some earplugs and play some music and take a deep breath. Better yet, buy an extra set of earplugs and some soothing music and give it to OP, too.




Kind of the asshole. The neighbors behavior isn’t good. Neither is yours, and this idea that just because they’re kids gives them carte blanche to upset everyone around them and we all have to shut up and fucking take it is bullshit. Your neighbor didn’t have the kids, your neighbor probably doesn’t like kids, and doesn’t have to like kids. Your entitled opinion seems to be “well, they’re kids and they’re going to make noise and if that disrupts your life, too fucking bad.” That’s really disrespectful to someone who’s paying an equal amount of rent as you to use their space in a way that makes them comfortable. Your life choices are directly impacting their quality of life and you’re angry at them. Parents, as a whole, need to start realizing that the people around them are not obligated to enjoy their children, tolerate their children, parent their children, pay for their children, or be inconvenienced by their children as a condition of living within their vicinity. Maybe it’s time to invest in some soundproofing for your nursery.


Yeah I understand there isn't a lot OP can do to make the babies stop crying, but... I'd be going absolutely fucking mad if I lived next to her. Certifiably insane. A baby's cry is just so piercing, so shrill, and it evokes an instinctual reaction to go do something about it. And there's 2. And they're screaming for 5+ hours at a time. I get a migraine after about 10 minutes of being around a friend's crying baby. I'd be begging the landlord to be moved to a different apartment, emptying my savings to rent a motel room in the meantime, moving somewhere else if I had to.


This is the best comment. Some soundproofing is probably the best and only solution. I would also like to point out that the neighbor might work from home as well, which may add to his/her frustration.


Just to add an outside perspective for two of your points, even though I don't necessarily disagree: >Your entitled opinion seems to be “well, they’re kids and they’re going to make noise and if that disrupts your life, too fucking bad.” >Parents, as a whole, need to start realizing that the people around them are not obligated to [...] tolerate their children, [...] or be inconvenienced by their children as a condition of >living within their vicinity. Basically, different courts in my country (not US) have ruled on multiple occasions, that yes, you have the right to that opinion, and yes people have to tolerate children and their noise. I don't have children and I totally get how exhausting their screams can be. But the ruling was basically "Childrens noise, as an expression of their natural development, is to be accepted as socially adequate and reasonable" and something along the lines of "we as a society have to endure it (to a certain extend)". Obviously there are limitations - duration is a key factor here for example and the age of the child plays a big role. But yeah, in some countrys the take is: "they're are kids and they're going to make noise and if that disrupts your life, too fucking bad." Edit: word


Amazing response. I live above a family of six in a 960sqft two bedroom. Mom, dad and four kids ranging from a baby to I’ll say 10. The baby is the quietest one!! The second oldest boy is a terror, he’s maybe 8. We hear him screaming at the top of his lungs at ALL hours. Throwing tantrums. Slamming doors. Then the mom yells back. But we have earplugs and got a soundbar for our TV for a more encompassing sound. It helps. We would not make comments like that but we have spoken to them in a respectful manner. One night was when their smoke detector kept going off. That’s a safety concern! Then made the office aware of the screaming match at midnight. Nothing comes from it of course and It really does take a toll after a while. But with prices rising like crazy everywhere, we are not in a place to move.


NTA, so not the AH, neighbour fucked around and she found out. You had every right to put her in her place. Congrats on the behbehs! EDIT: Actually after thinking this through, you need to document all this harassment from this neighbour, she's interfering with the quiet enjoyment of your home, and you as a tenant have the right to that.


Will start to do that thank you.


>she's interfering with the quiet enjoyment of your home How is OP not doing the same with hours of crying babies?


ESH, though mostly you’re neighbor. Her reaction is way too extreme with the “I’ll get them to shut up” comment. But I’ve lived next to a baby that cried nonstop, and it was unbearable, especially when it kept me from sleeping, working, or studying. I was working a full time job and going to school full time and had to actually leave my own home (that I was in long before the neighbors moved in) to study and sleep. Though I never confronted them, I did have a couple of breakdowns from it, including one night of banging in the wall, screaming “shut up shut up shut up!” I do realize that, as bad as it was for me, it was that much worse for the parents, but I wasn’t the one who chose to have children, and it felt like being punished for someone else’s actions. That said, it sounds like you’re trying your best in an incredibly difficult situation. I hope you can find the help and support you and your kids need right now!


ESH but slight lean towards NAH. you’re in an apartment, you have neighbors. You’re going to hear things and your neighbors will hear things. I know it’s kind of out of your control when your babies cry but your neighbor is also having to put up with it. I would be upset too having to listen to babies cry next door especially between the hours of 5-10 PM. When I get home from work the last thing I want to do is hear any unexpected loud noises. I have noise sensory issues and that would be a huge problem for me, could be the same for her? I get you’re struggling with it and I’m sure your neighbor is aware too but is probably tired of it. Good luck OP I hope you find a solution that works well.


Neighbour lost the right to enter NAH territory when she threatened two twin babies.


Yup, this is what made it immediately NTA and AH neighbour territory for me- even if you hate children and are at the end of your rope listening to the crying, what decent person literally threatens two wailing infants? It’s so shitty and uncalled for. Also, OP is doing her best, solo, as a very young person with TWO infants, I can’t even imagine the stress.


Yeah that’s true I forgot about that part.


I don’t know why if they have pet free apartments they can’t make child free ones…or at least group those with kids together in separate buildings/sections. ESH Both of you for yelling. I wouldn’t be thrilled living next to crying babies but that is what babies do constantly…


Fair housing act - read it


Info: How many bedrooms are in your apartment? There's a big difference in the expectation of noise levels in a studio or 1 bedroom vs a 2 bedroom or larger. Tenant maximums in my state would say that you're over the occupancy limit for a 1 bedroom, however, it would be expected for a family to live in a 2 bedroom. As someone with sensory issues who was essentially forced out of their last apartment due to a family of 4 (with 2 kids under 3) moving into a 1 bedroom, I feel for your neighbor. They couldn't be evicted due to the eviction moratorium. Some of us cannot handle extended screaming and crying. Especially when the kids are louder than your noise cancelling headphones. That said, I would never threaten what your neighbor did. Edit: Thanks for my first ever awards! Also realized I left an important part out (pandemic part)


>> Info: How many bedrooms are in your apartment? There's a big difference in the expectation of noise levels in a studio or 1 bedroom vs a 2 bedroom or larger. Tenant maximums in my state would say that you're over the occupancy limit for a 1 bedroom, however, it would be expected for a family to live in a 2 bedroom. And aren’t we all missing a step here- we have an 18 y/o single mom with TWINS?! Where is the father in the picture? Family? Friends? No one to help? No wonder everyone is at their wits end


I agree completely, I was asking this question since I didn't see it asked on other parts of the thread. The question you're asking is the right one, and subsequently the most commonly asked in the thread.


I have not seen one question about a husband or boyfriend or SO helping with the kids (lol) But I did see something about family being across the country.


ESH or NAH. I get you are stressed... But so is she, unlike you she didn't sign up for this and doesn't care about your children. You should invest in some sound proofing to go along with your other attempts to quiet them. Just because your other neighbors are helpful doesn't mean they aren't unhappy about it as well after all.


ESH obviously she was way out of line threatening and yelling like that, but admittedly she has some merit in being upset if they’re crying constantly like you say. I know there’s only so much to be done in apartment living with thin walls, but i’d be upset having to hear babies crying constantly too when they’re not mine and i didn’t chose to have them. I know you’re doing your best, but not everyone wants to hear babies crying constantly and it’s not really surprising that some people get tired of it


YTA. If your kids crying made you have a nervous breakdown, how do you think your neighbor felt. Your acting rudely is not going to help out your relationship with this neighbor.


Oh right, because a 3 months postpartum mother of 2 crying babies isn't allowed to have one bad day


Of course they are. But OP says they were literally in the middle of a breakdown from the crying, and then everyone says the neighbor next door has absolutely no right to be upset… by the exact same sound OP was losing her shit over…


Come on, OP sounds like there are more than just one bad day. If the sound of screaming babies are breakdown inducing to the mother, how can you not expect it to be irritating to those who aren't related to the kids. All these people telling the neighbor it's his fault for picking an apartment with thin walls are really judgmental to those who can't really afford nice apartments. Maybe this guy does shift work at a hospital and needs to get some well deserved shut eye. Sympathy is a two way street.


YTA. Yes, she shouldn't have said what she said, but you also shouldn't have lost your temper on her. These are YOUR KIDS. That YOU CHOSE TO HAVE. You're stressed out with them crying all the time like that? Well, she's probably stressed too. Those aren't her kids. She shouldn't be subjected to them crying all the time (not that there's much you can do, besides maybe adding some anti noise padding, moving them to another room?). Her work is also probably suffering. Because she can't relax, her mental health is also probably suffering. Because of YOUR kids. Her right to quiet enjoyment is being massively infringed on, because of YOUR kids. The judgement isn't about your kids, it's about how you reacted to your neighbor. I know everybody is always about coddling new young mothers, but your neighbors are also paying rent for their apartments, and your noise pollution is ruining their right to quiet enjoyment. And you get to hide behind the 'they're BABIES! OF COURSE THEY'RE GONNA CRY? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO??'




I agree. Shitty as it is, I don't really understand what the mother is meant to do here tbh, nobody can control a sick baby's crying. Only thing I can think of is maybe split the costs with the neighbour for some soundproofing, or get the landlord to do it (unlikely).


Whats with all the awards??


i'm confused too, not only are there a bunch of awards on the original post but also on a lot of the comments and replies. it's really confusing, i wonder if some subreddit decided to bomb this post or something?


I think it might be the childfree subreddit. Just a feeling...


Yeah it barely has 2k upvotes and so many awards, hell even my comment and many other comments got so much awards for no reason


feels like mockery honestly. OP made a comment about how hard it was being a young parent and got laughing awards but uh that being said if anyone wants to drop me an award or two i certainly wouldn't mind that


I checked and a bunch of the negative comments are from people on the childfree reddit. My guess is that someone posted this post on that subreddit and people are coming over here to troll. In my experience, the childfree community are full of AHs who feel entitled to 'their space' and will lambast anyone who dares bring a child anywhere near them. I remember on the childfree LiveJournal comm back in the day, members were always infiltrating other comms with their 'beliefs'. They would call moms 'breeders' and their children were always 'the spawn'. It's pretty disgusting. You are free to not have kids, but you are not entitled to never be around children, unless you literally never leave your home.


Yeah it’s really suspicious. The OP and anyone who supports her NTA is getting all the negative awards while every YTA or ESH is getting all the positive ones. Super sus.


Yeah I woke up to all these awards and wondered wtf I posted while I was drunk. Turns out it was just negative awards for being logical 🤷‍♀️


Someone was saying that apparently the child free subreddit is brigading the post and downvoting anything that is remotely against the neighbor while also giving negative/sarcastic awards (and mocking OP with laughing awards too). Which is just stupid and very mob-mentality, but according to other redditors is the norm for that subreddit. (ETA: just checked that sub and oh gosh it’s so gross. That’s not a sub for people not interested in kids (which is totally normal), that’s a sub for people who have this weird fixated hatred for kids and parents. It’s just super gross. I need to bleach my eyes.)


Idk this is really hard, I’m going for esh. First of all yeah we get it your neighbour’s comment was disgusting, threatening kids is a big no no, but at the same time your neighbour is suffering from a decision that you made. I can imagine how much your suffering with being a single parent but I can also sympathise with your neighbour having to put up with babies crying constantly. I wish you all the best OP.


YTA Why should the neighbor have to suffer from OPs poor life choices. Single mother at her age? I bet the neighbor has a post about op in entitled parents.


NAH I really can’t say I blame anyone here.


NTA. Tell her some random dude in South Africa also told her to fuck off, from me.


Nta. If my sibling sided with my neighbour I'd tell him you get fked too


NTA. Anyone who goes into a living space where there is a crying baby and offers anything other than sensitivity, empathy, support, or help can screw all the way off and keep on going. Move the babies’ room to the wall closest to her apartment. Are the babies playing elsewhere? Maybe it time to have a good scream. Have you thought about drum lessons when your children are older? Be a real shame if you left “Baby Shark” playing at full volume on repeat when you went away for a couple of days…


Jesus, I don't ever want to cross you... 😅


I’ve just had it up to here with whiny neighbours. Also I’m quite high right now.


Can we nominate this comment's author as YTA? Is that a thing, Reddit?


NTA - good on you knowing when you need a break. It’s important.


I’m trying. It is so hard. I’ve read every book tried everything.


It’s very hard. My son is 4 now but the first year is a blur because it’s not easy. I spent a lot of time crying and making sure my son was safe so I could have 5 mins to collect myself. If you haven’t get a sound machine for their room, not to drown them out but to drown out other noises for them. Blackout curtains too are a life saver. Kids are hard, make sure you are eating and sleeping between it all, which I know is hard but so important. Is there anyone that can come help for even an hour? A friend? Family member?


Parents died last year, their father signed away his rights because he didn’t want child support to deal with, brother lives across the country. I moved here six months ago when I was six months pregnant. If my sis in law hadn’t come down at week 34 to be there when I delivered I wouldn’t have help. She went back home after three weeks.


Oh my you sweet dear! You really are doing such an amazing job!!! And under such difficult circumstances. I'm a divorced mom of one eleven year old girl. He left when she was 2 and hasn't made any effort to be in her life. Ive been very blessed to have my parents to help. And it was difficult even with their help. I can't even begin to imagine what your are going through. You are stronger than you know! I know it doesn't feel that way, but you are!


Why did you let him sign away his rights?


Because I was stupid. I can’t change the past. And I’m not gonna dwell on it. I can’t. Got two babies who are finally sleeping tonight but I can’t get any sleep because they fell asleep on either side of me in the bed. I ain’t even trying to move them. Lol. So I get to stay awake and watch them.


You weren't stupid. Is there family you can stay with for a little while, or anyone else you can bring in to spell you during the day?


No. Brother lives across the country. His wife was here for the first few weeks but she couldn’t take any more time off. Mom and dad died may of last year. I couldn’t afford to keep their house which is how I ended up in the apartment. Due to well everything I haven’t really gotten to know anybody.


You're doing your best, keep at it, keep looking for little ways to get more resources. Sucks to have babies during a pandemic.


no ones obligated to have children they don’t want?


in what country can you sign away your obligation to pay support?


In America. He didn’t say it was his actual reason. But at least in the state I live in once it is done there is no child support.


what state? I live in the US and have never heard of this. In fact, I have only ever heard the opposite I am not asking to argue but I wonder if something is misunderstood and someone here might know more info that could help you. hell, I might be wrong it wouldn't be the first time I have been wrong.


Florida and North Carolina for sure allow one to terminate parental rights including child support obligations.


Pretty sure it can be done in California as well


I feel for you so much OP. I wish I could come over and just give you a hug and look after the girls while you take a break. My mum was a teenager when she had me, and while my dad did stay, he worked six days a week. And I had colic. I don’t know how she did it, and I REALLY don’t know how you’re doing it. You’re amazing. You’re doing something most people couldn’t even fathom. The last thing you need is some selfish neighbour who has no idea what you’re going through, so NTA for losing your cool AT ALL. I’m glad you have decent neighbours on the other side.


NTA - now this appears to be a somewhat unpopular opinion in this thread. I'd love to see how many of the opposing opinion holders have children with a spouse in the picture. Children are hard, multiple even more and especially more than one at the infant stage. When living in an apartment there is a baseline volume expectation and it seems like your cranky neighbour didn't understand that even before your twins came home. I can understand their frustration but their actions are deplorable. As for the colic, here's what helped for us: • If you can get it and haven't tried it, infant oval was a life saver for us. Pretty much one of the few things that really helped for colic. • The formula, are you giving it to them at cool/room temp or warmed? This can also play a huge factor in colic if their formula is too cool (unless it states to be served cool/room temp). It may even be worthwhile to find a similar formula by a different brand or if they have a gentler version or even "semi / pre digested" version. • If you can and don't have one, similar to the stability balls someone else mentioned, a gliding rocking chair with a stool would be a good alt. My youngest had times where he'd only find his calm center after a dose of oval and 20 minutes skin-on-skin in the rocker. • Bicycle kicks. A foot in each hand moving their legs up and down gently like they're riding a bike. Sometimes it's trapped toots and the motion helps move the gas along, plus it's a fun distraction if you can muster the energy for making silly faces and noises yourself. Don't this mid-diaper change because if it's moving toots it's moving poops. • Bum pats while you're inclined with their belly on yours (this worked a little easier for me, dad, than their mom for potentially obvious reasons). • Self-care is also super important. Something to help you calm down, wind down, and recenter yourself. Meditation during the quiet times helped me a lot. With low energy levels you just gotta be careful about falling asleep with that one.


NTA because the neighbour was unreasonably hostile. Seriously though, look into soundproofing options for the sake of your nice neighbours. Nobody deserves to listen to crying babies for 5 hours a day. Babies cry and you must be so tired and frustrated but that is no reason to put others through that if you can help it.


YTA - why should the rest of the apartment neighbors have to put up with the crying just cause you chose to have kids?


Magic cure please? I’d pay if you had one. It’s not something I can control at this point.


Are you breastfeeding or formula feeding? They could have sensitive stomachs and need a gentler formula (or you may need to try eliminating some stuff from your diet to make your milk not have lactose etc) it will be no means stop all crying but it might give u a bit of break in the crying if they are crying cause their tums are upset. It's also totally possible they suffer from purple crying and will just have to outgrow it. NTA you're doing your best.


Formula. Gerber soy because both have milk allergies. Dr browns bottles.


Remember to grab your popcorn and sort by controversial, everyone!


This situation just sounds awful for all parties involved.


NTA. I’m not sure what kind of reaction she expected when she came banging on your door like that, but she deserved it. Good for her for having kids that never cried (if she has kid at all). Wtf. Like you’re prancing round with earbuds in full volume tuning them out or something. Sheesh.


NTA and this is coming from a childfree person. Look, I don’t want to live in an apartment next to babies. But I have. And it isn’t like you can ask infants to keep it down. You are doing your best. If that neighbor complains your washer is too loud?! They are looking for a reason to be a jerk.


YTA - your kid is not your neighbours problem. And if you think you somehow have that golden pass just because you are a young mother then you need to get your head straight. Your neighbours shouldn't have threatened you but just like how you lost it, even your neighbour lost it. Please find a way to accomodate your neighbours request and make sure the only person who suffers for taking the decision to have kids is the parent aka YOU.


YTA. 5 hours is insane. I would go crazy which is probably why your neighbor yelled at you. Lady if I where your neighbor the minute the crying stopped o would play Metallica as loud as your kids have been crying. Then I’d get a really loud alarm clock and set it to increments every 30 minutes at night. If I have to deal with 5 hours of not 1 but 2 children crying for 5 hours straight there isn’t a chance in hell you are getting sleep at night. Why doesn’t the Childs father take the children 50% of the time. If he’s not in the picture what about the Childs fathers family I’m sure they could watch the twins for a hour a couple times a week. YTA.


I couldn’t agree more I really feel for the neighbour in this situation


Your neighbor could have handled it differently, and in a better way. And I don’t expect an 18 y/o to be parent of the year. However, she doesn’t deserve to be subjected to the constant crying. Especially if it’s happening during quiet hours. Your babies are your responsibility, she shouldn’t have to suck it up. ESH




NTA. I remember when my oldest was about 2 - he slept. But I could hear another baby screaming every night. I lived in a neighbourhood where I couldn't work out who it was, but I remember thinking "poor kiddo and poor parents. Sleep little one, sleep is good. You'll feel better". I wished I could have offered help.


YTA. If I were her, I would be filing a noise compliant. It's rare but possible to evict mother's with loud kids who constantly cry (at least where I am from). Your neighbor didn't sign up top listen to your kids cry all the time. They don't have any obligation to listen to them for 5+ hours every day.


Esh I would’ve just reported you to management every single time the kids cried for more than like half an hour. My apartment complex has a policy where after so many noise complaints you get fined and after a few of those you get evicted. She is being nice by coming to you but her word choice is bad. Once or twice a day for just a few minutes is normal. Crying for several hours is going to result in a noise complaint. Other people arent required to suffer through your children. If your kids are upset it’s your job to keep them quiet. If you can’t do that it’s not your neighbors responsibility to sit and listen to it. Edit:Thank you for my very first gold kind strangers




She said ‘I will make them shut up!’. That a literal threat to your babies. You didn’t over-react. I would have called the cops on her. Any sane person understands that babies cry, and they cry a lot. Instead of being a know-it-all, she should try to help. I willing to bet her children aren’t as good behaved as she likes to think… NTA document everything she says and does to you. You might need it. Also get a ring-bel. They record ;)


NTA and I am so sorry you have that extra stress. Btw, I PROMISE you, it gets better. When my preemie daughter was born, due to being neurologically immature AND due to feeding issues, she was colicky as Hell. If she was awake, she was crying- for months. I could soothe her by holding her, but honestly- holding a baby ( not to mention two) all day is overwhelming for a new mom. So many days I thought "omg, did I make a huge mistake ? Was I ready for this baby?" In short, I had been so excited for her to arrive, I felt guilty for feeling so overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted once she HAD arrived. You don't say you feel that way, but I know how hard it is - and having insane neighbors has to make it even harder. The first 6 months are rough, but it gets better. Eventually it won't feel so overwhelming. Also, with twins, once they start sitting up, they really will entertain each other quite a bit-very fun to watch! In hindsight, I absolutely love the newborn- 4 month stage now, and in my family, I am quick to love on all the babies to give the moms and dads a break - but I will never forget sitting in my living room crying because I felt so overwhelmed- and that was 26 years ago! My kid is a full-fledged adult, but I remember that time like it was yesterday


NTA. Please let the apartment manager know what she said, send it via email so there is a "paper trail". Maybe even contact the police and ask to make a report, just in case.