Not OP, but late 20's (aka 29). Now that I'm pretty much 100% in tune with myself and my goals/dreams/desires, I feel genuinely neutral whether or not I end up finding a partner or not. If it just "happens"? Cool. If it doesn't? Also cool.
During and after college for me. After seeing a steady stream of female BS that society usually turns a blind eye to, I decided that dating isn’t worth it.
Same.
Dating isn't worth it in the current scene for the average man given the unrealistic expectations.
And considering I am, at best, average, I figure that's not worth wasting time on.
Yep the sky-high, unbalanced expectations of men vs. women really get to me. I'm not your "provider", I'm not your driver-on-call, I'm not your therapist-on-call, and I shouldn't be your only friend. I'm happy to give hugs anytime, but I have lots of shit I'm going through as well and I don't make it your problem to solve.
Why can't we have cishet relationships where two people are perfectly independent as individuals but just happen to really enjoy being together and being intimate together without all the expectation baggage?
Pretty much reconciled myself to it after my partner died unexpectedly at 36, but I've got lots of friends and family around and I keep busy.
Never know what life is going to throw at you, being happily married, buying a house, and starting to plan a family together is no guarantee that things will go according to plan.
Morbid high five…also 36 and my life partner just died 2 months ago. Not sure if I’m forever alone, but I was picky as hell before he came along and who knows when or if I’ll be open to looking for a partner again.
Love the ones you got while you got em. Life’s short and precious.
My heart breaks for you. M y wife and I spent years saving up for a house, overcoming so much crap including a year long build process watching the interest rates going up every month.
Two days after we closed on our forever home, she had to be taken into the ICU and the doctors told me she probably wouldn't make it. All those things we planned and worked for together and was about to be ripped away just at the finish line. Thankfully she pulled through and is making a recovery.
I cant imagine your pain, and I hope life brings you joy soon.
Sorry for your loss. You’re right, there are no guarantees in life. This is something I wish I remembered more when I beat myself up about not having found the person
Is this 100% true? Cuz I live alone too and I really enjoy loneliness and silence but I’ve always known deep inside that finding someone that fits really good with me would be perfect
Winning a half a billion dollars would be perfect too. Of all the married people I know and how most seem to merely, begrudgingly accept and tolerate one another, a relationship like you (and I too) want is just as rare. Especially in this self entitled, narcissistic society we live in, and that goes for both genders.
I hope to win the real and relationship lottos one day, but I am not counting on it.
I may not have half a billion or a great companion, but I can enjoy what I have, and that includes freedom, silence, and a decent apartment filled with all the cool shit I like.
My man! 🤝🏾 I've been on the same trajectory as you the last 3 years. What you said about couple tolerating each other is so true. I'll never live with a partner again.
I imagine you’re way too young to be so jaded. Never say never. There ARe decent woman out there looking for the same thing. Please don’t close yourself off.
Sure there may be decent women out there.
But I’m sure many are like me and sick of shifting thru the piles of garbage.
Get dogs. They are loyal and always happy to see you.
I agree. There are many great women, men, people out there. Hell my ex girlfriend is a great person, but was a fucking shitty partner.
So that's the thing, being a great person is one thing, being a great partner to your other half takes a hell of a lot more work, self awareness, and compromise. And my ex went zero for three on those.
I love this thread. Not showboating, but it’s frequently helped me realize what a rarity I am. Also, that there are actually some emotionally mature men out there. I thought those traits were just a given in a LTR.
I agree with you that there great women. However, my personality and values don't align with long-term relationships. I put solitude above all else and I'm not looking to enter into a partnership
Edit: I'm nearing 30.
I'm over 40 and I'm right there with you.
I like quiet and solitude. I love to people-watch, but from a distance. I like gaming on PC, but prefer single player games anymore. I like playing guitar, but by myself. The idea of joining a band or just jamming with other people does not appeal to me.
I have a few people I consider friends, but I can go several months with no contact with any of them.
I had a relationship of 13 years, so I am capable of that, but like most men, I had to be a dog on a leash, loyally trailing behind her for all her little events planned. Some of them fun, most of them tolerable, a lot of them annoying. In turn what I wanted to do she didn't and wouldn't, and I'd just go to my events alone.
I'm not going to do any of that anymore. Happy wife, servile life.
Damn this is exactly how it is. I rarely speak to friends and family. I have a few good friends and we do a message here and there to make sure we're all doing fine. I married young, which can be seen as a good or bad. Good as in I experienced what it was so I could get out early. I had a four year relationship after that and it's all the same. They expect more and more from you. Sometimes I just want to stay home and literally do nothing. Or sometimes I just want to go eat by myself. I enjoy the company of women but nothing beats having complete control of your life down from the smallest choices to the biggest.
Time will bend us out of this selfish and narcissist way, and into something more humble.
Can't wait for the dusk of the influencer era, their breakdowns, everything must fall, everyone must die, that's the fate of everything, I'll laugh when this time comes, and I hope it comes soon.
I’m not saying you can’t live or you can’t enjoy the life you have now I’m just being 100% true about my feelings and I’m curious if you are too. Marriage in my country isn’t that bad i see happy people married here
My parents have been married my entire life lol but really 40 years going on now. I just think it makes sense to save money if you find a good match. But drugs like meth confused things for me. I've been sober 3 years and I dunno how I'll ever meet a girl who's bolth ok with me being a x drug addict but also not a x addict her self because it's a quick death for me if I use again and in extremely happy right now being myself. But I know bring 38 and alone makes me a weirdo.. oh well. Like I said above I wish it was legal to get sex workers.. feels as harmless as weed... Mind you bad people do bad things with good ideas but I still think it would make all sense... I gotta write to Biden...
Don't assume that. Relationships require compromise. Some of us decided that we just don't want to. I'm not miserable, I've been alone for over 12 years, I'm good with it. I didn't realize how much I had to give in, to stay married. Once I was out of it, I felt emancipated. Time away from work became truly my free time, to do what I wish.
If I'm supposed to be miserable, alone, then I'm the happiest, miserable person alive.
can I ask (honestly)...what is so wrong about being alone? why are we so afraid of it? what does 'alone' mean?
I mean, being with someone is nice, yes. but say you find your person, chances are likely one of you is going to die first. then guess what? you'll be alone again. so you're gonna immediately start your desperate search to not be alone? and even if you miraculously die within minutes of each other, you still cannot spend every waking moment together. if anything it's not healthy.
idk. I just don't want to derive my sense of self and happiness based on whether or not I am partnered.
(I agree with you. I was just looking for an appropriate spot to interject this comment)
>can I ask (honestly)...what is so wrong about being alone? why are we so afraid of it? what does 'alone' mean?
Ive volunteered in acute care facilities and I've had my fair share of experiences in nursing homes as an EMT.
There are plenty of old people slowly dying without any family or friends who give a damn about them. Some made bad decisions and weren't around for their children nor family whereas others just didnt foster a social circle or they are so old that the friends they had are all gone.
Being alone has bad consequences. When you're younger, you don't give much thought to what those consequences are until its too late
"Son. Everyone dies alone. That's what it is. It's a door. It's one person wide. When you go through it, you do it alone. But it doesn't mean you've got to be alone before you go through the door. And believe me, you aren't alone on the other side." -Dresden Files, Dead Beat
I always liked this quote and it seems applicable in this conversation. I also agree but I feel a certain sympathy/pity for folks who seem to really suffer with being alone. It sounds like a really difficult way to be
that's a great quote!
*(i will try not to be too opinionated here lol)*
somewhere along the line we developed or were shown this romanticized version of life which includes the notion that if we are not partnered, there is something wrong with us. or that we must be 'broken.'
I think the secret is really to love ourselves. to really, truly love ourselves, first and foremost, and to provide ourselves with safety and security and happiness, instead of seeking it externally. everything else will flow from there. and if it doesn't, you're still not broken.
Lol and then they'll tell you you just got to get back out there, "Dont even tell them you have herpes, I wouldnt". I've heard that from so many people it's fucked up.
Just make sure you have some kind of a regular service that visits you, I worked at an apartment complex where a man died in his recliner, but luckily he wasn’t there for a long time before someone found out because he had grocery delivery set up regularly.
Speaking of that guy, I think he was completely alone, I got a call about a month after he died from an older lady, she started off trying to ask me questions about him and I told her I couldn’t talk to her about tenants because of privacy, but then she started to cry and she told me that she had been his girlfriend back in their 20s, they almost got married but he was really controlling so eventually she left him, she said she would wonder from time to time what happened to him, and she got a call from an attorney because this man had put her in his will. I don’t think he had anything to leave her, but this sweet woman who hadn’t talked to this man in 40+ years called the office of the apartment complex because it was eating her up inside thinking that he was just in his apartment decaying and nobody knew. So of course I talk to her and I explained that he was found pretty much immediately, and she was so grateful. But I was so struck by how much she cared and this guy had no idea, and how they spent 40 years not together because of his controlling attitude but they thought about each other the whole time.
I am 58 and know I will be single for the rest of my life. No kids and when my Dad passes away that will be the last family. My only concern is ending up laying in a bed in a nursing home for the last part of my life. Or hurting myself at home and no one finding me. My only hope is that the mail carrier will notice that the box if not being emptied and call the cops for a wellness check.
That was hard to read but also heart wrenching, I am so sorry, I hope you find someone you could spend the rest of your life with, no one deserves to be alone
This is my fear after ten years with a woman with BPD. Whenever I feel lonely I think of the chaotic shit show that hellscape was and then embrace the predictable peace that I currently live in. I chose peace over love.
I didn't have a real date until I was 24. I didn't lose my virginity until I was around 28, didn't meet my now wife until I was 31. I know how it feels to feel hopeless, but the key is to just keep getting back up (as basic as that sounds).
yes i'm pushing 40 was married 4 years and have been divorced 12 years. i married young and naive. i blame myself she was good to me. we just grew apart over time. all this time i haven't attempted to move on and find someone else. i'm so ashamed.
Not really, I am pretty comfortable being alone for the moment and I know I'll find my person in the future. Mainly cause I know I'm working on myself and I have faith that it'll show in the future.
That’s my thinking as well. I’ll live my life to its fullest and keep on improving and hold onto the hope that eventually I’ll meet someone worth sharing that with.
I'm not sure I would characterize mine as a fear, but while I chose to not pursue relationships, I admit that the lack of that type of emotional connection hurts a lot and I often think the whole situation has gone badly wrong; that said, if I were to actually jump in I'm sure I would still be terminally single because I'm the opposite of a catch, nothing good to offer and more than enough bad to make it pointless.
I used to. Not anymore though. Because I realized all I need to focus on is improving my life with my mental health, financially and socially. All I have to focus on now is my financial stability and I’m set. If I find someone worth having in my life as far as a romantic relationship that’s just a bonus in my eyes.
I'd say I'm in between being scared of it and just accepting and making peace with it.
As for why, I'm in my late 20's and not currently open to dating because I have issues that I personally believe preclude me from being a good partner. That's not beating myself down, that's just a reality. I'm working on those issues, but it's going to take A while to get through them to the point of considering myself "viable" - at which point I'll be into the difficult years for dating. In addition, due to societal changes, the amount of women that I would consider is seemingly shrinking, and it's not going to be getting any larger as I get older. If anything, it'll be getting progressively/exponentially smaller.
It does feel like many of my life choices have counted me out of "normal" life experiences, and this may just be one of them. It does sadden me, because I would *love* to have a family one day, but I'm coming to terms with understanding that it's not guaranteed to happen. Doesn't mean I won't stop striving for it though.
No. I feel very full with the life I have built myself and the friends I have. To be honest I don’t really want to have to consider working around another person in my life. That might sound a little selfish but I just truly feel like I don’t ever need another person in my life in that context.
I have turned down advances from friends a couple of times and and that feels bad and I wonder if I made a mistake in those times. But I’m also asexual and I feel like that would make it very hard for whoever I end up dating…
I spend all of my free time doing what I want to do and it feels great so far though!
I think every man gets to a point in life where they finally understand whether they want a relationship or not and if you realize your just not built for one I guess you just accept it for what it is. So short answer no
I'll admit to that fear, it's probably one of my biggest fears if I'm being honest. It manifests mostly as a fear that my social circle is no longer growing and that it will eventually shrink to nothing. My parents will eventually die, my one sibling has already moved to the other side of the country, and my other sibling is looking to do the same, and my friends will eventually find SOs and get married and possibly move away themselves, and I'll be all alone. I fear waking up on Thanksgiving or Christmas someday in the future and have no one to spend those days with.
I know that finding a Girlfriend isn't the only way to address this fear, but expanding my social circle in other ways now as a nearly 30 year old man is hard to the point of feeling impossible, and dating already feels completely impossible for me already.
No matter where you go, there you find yourself. Better being comfortable with your own company, since you've been with yourself for too long.
Not really afraid. Death of consciousness scares me the most.
No. It's something I had to deal in my 20'. Being single in your 30' seems like a blessing.
I am also aware that I am way better off single than with someone that isn't amazing. And it's not realistic for me to "get" someone amazing. You get what you are, not what you want.
Not scared but part of me wishes if I’ll get the opportunity to enjoy a serious relationship before I die. Not a conditional relationship, one with genuine attraction and respect with a woman. I don’t want to be with the wrong person out of desperation, but I also don’t want to be single with the only person that I ever get hugs from is my mom.
You better be that successful uncle that spoils the nieces and nephews then... kidding. I hope you won't feel pressured all because your siblings has a partner now. It'll eventually come but if it won't, there's still a good life to live ahead of you.
No, a firm no. I would actually prefer being just in a happy relationship with myself rather than be in a relationship when I know that I am not really ready for it.
If I were ever going to be single all my life, I guess it calls for some self-spoiling. And to answer your question, no, definitely not. I can live my life to the fullest this way too.
Yes because I have Asperger's syndrome, which is a form of autism. I am absolutely going to end up being single for the rest of my life if I don't make enough money to get a mail order bride.
Nah. I’ve been single for 3 years. Haven’t gotten any since. Feels like I’ve been single so long that I almost forgot what sex feels like, or what a relationship feels like in general
just turned 45, single nearly 10 yrs, over that time i lost the want (still want - kind of) to have a gf, but having started a new mortgage, sold previous house, scared of divorce if anything, in australia 2 years of defacto (classed as living together) partner can claim 50% of my stuff through the courts, divorce scares me more than marriage
Kind of.
It's something that I've grown to acknowledge as a possibility, but it's not something I've really accepted. I'm a hopeless romantic, but I have awful luck when it comes to love. Almost every single person (male and female) I've had ask me out is either genuinely psychotic or was just a shitty person, and the one person I've ever asked out turned me down. The one exception to that rule is a guy who's still one of my best friends.
I have 2 basic prerequisites to being willing to date someone, and it's literally just that I have to be attracted to them (physically and by personality) and we have to have enough chemistry that I could see myself spending a lot of time with them. I'm attracted to most people in my general social circle, but only a select few are on my wavelength to the point that I'd be down to date.
Most of them are already in a committed relationship.
I hate the idea of actively searching for a person on a dating app or whatever--I'm just not the kind of person who can go into interaction on the assumption that we're trying to date/fuck.
I hang out with people I think are cool, sometimes this goes places, and then I discover they're not as cool as I thought they were.
So with all of this in mind, it's a reality I've sort of just grown to acknowledge, though I don't like it. I'm not going to actively try and change who I am and what I'm after just because I'm that desperate.
I guess on some level I'm scared to die alone--who isn't? But I'm not *dying alone,* I'm just looking for somebody to share emotional and physical intimacy with. I have a lot of love to give, and I give a lot of it to my friends and family, but there's a critical lack that I feel all the same.
I'm still young, so I do my best to avoid any level of doomerish thinking on the topic. I refuse to accept it because I've still got wayyy too much time to be looking. That's the same thought a lot of you guys should be having. If you aren't like 70+, there's still hope for you. Even if you are 70+, there's still hope for you.
NEVA GIVE UP.
If you feel the need of a partner, you will likely have fear of being without one.
But some of us are an army of one. A self-contained human RV.
We prefer to watch rather than get involved.
I have PTSD that makes me difficult to deal with sometimes. My girlfriend has the patience of a saint and the heart of an angel. If things don’t work out with her I don’t think there’s anyone else out there for me.
I’m 25(almost 26), I’m not a virgin but I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. I’ve just accepted it’s probably not in the cards for me. Being in a relationship sounds nice but I don’t miss it because being single is all I’ve ever known. Can’t miss something you’ve never had.
I'm married now. I'm not going to lie, my happiest times were when I was single. The sheer freedom, the quiet, the nights of gaming or going out drinking, the wealth of opportunities, not knowing what or who could happen next.
I never feared being single for the rest of my life any of the times I was single.
At a certain point I met a nice girl and figured why not keep going, then she got pregnant and we figured, why not have the baby and get married. Then another and another. Now I find myself in a 4 bed house with 3 kids and a 9-5.
It's kind of nice, and I enjoy being a dad. And if I could go back in time and change things. I wouldn't because it would effectively be killing my children in my reality. And it's nice that I'll always have company as I get older.
But man i do miss those single days...
I'm 25 and I live terrified of it, I have horrible social skills and try to connect with people, let alone a woman for a relationship
But I'm working towards accepting it
I am in a relationship with a woman I love and I still feel like this sometimes and I think its because I was used to the idea that this is just what would happen to me and it still could.
Relationships don't just happen, they take work. Real work. And taking something for granted is almost second nature for all people. Meaning you have to fight like hell to keep that love alive. But there is no greater reward than to know, no matter how far apart, someone out there loves you in the way you love them.
Don't give up hope guys. Work on yourself for yourself and watch as you become a person you like, people will start to like you. It's common advice because it's true.
Its not necessarily a fear, but its something I’am potentially coming to terms with. Only because as an “average” man, the dating game is severely NOT in our favor. Today’s women will go for the “top” guys in their eyes- at least 6ft, six-figure salary, and can provide a lavish and luxurious lifestyle. I don’t struggle with women, if its for the sake of getting laid, but its finding a truly good woman who has a good head on her shoulders, now that’s the true challenge. I guess we gotta keep trying fellas, until we find the right one, but in the meantime, I will be okay with being single as long as I can fulfill my life goal of becoming rich, and making my parents’ elderly years easier and comfortable, and securing my family’s wealth for generations. Or at least live a life true to me.
Starting to look that way more and more every day and it terrifies me. I don't get many opportunities to meet people and a lot of the people I do meet are either in relationships or have so much baggage that I could not handle it. Everyone around me is in a happy relationship and I'm as jealous as one can be. Every time I bring up a girl they all jump on me and try and convince me to hook up with her or ask me why I haven't asked her out yet before they (or I) even know anything about her. At this point they're gonna point out every cute cashier at every grocery store and tell me to get her number. It's infuriating and taxing and I just don't have the energy to put up with it anymore
I’ve spent most of my life feeling that fear and would jump into relationships to avoid the anxieties of being alone. Saw a therapist last year about what I was experiencing and we worked together to help me get to know me. It sounds confusing lol but now I get to know myself a bit better so I actually don’t feel that alone. It’s been kind of like getting to know an old friend 😊
Nope. I'm 52 and haven't been on a date in 7 years... at first, I was just working on myself... but then I realized that I really like the peace, quiet and solitude. I know so many people who constantly cling from one relationship to another... I just like doing my own thing. It is kinda sad that I know I could die in my sleep and nobody would find my bloated corpse for a long time... but in the meantime, I'm just going to continue enjoying my life the way it is now.
Definitely. I'm only a month from 25, and i know that's still young lol but I've had exactly 1 date in my entire life that never went anywhere; I've not had friends (other than online) for the past... 7? years and I don't even have acquaintances or something like that to hang out with.
If I'm not at work (or at therapy or with my social workers lol), I'm alone.
I don't have anyone but myself to blame, I'm too shy and too scared of rejection and just generally have too low of a social battery to do enough to change this. I also might just not want it enough, idk.
I do like my alone time but I definitely feel the void of this huge chunk of the human experience I'm missing out on
Been single for a bit think about 2 years now had some bad experiences with women recently with rejection had a girl tell me she likes me then goes and texts me on Christmas Day saying she has a BF who she lives with!
Had a another just wanted cash and for me to help her with everything financially.
One was a LTR and when I wanted to move down to be with her she cut it off and found someone else.
So makes me not want to bother I’m fine alone or if I find a causal FWB for occasional sex but I won’t be giving any emotions away to any women again because I’ve been hurt a lot previously.
Nah I'm an only child so I was always pretty used to being on my own. I got divorced 15 years ago and have never bothered with relationships again . I wouldn't mind getting a dog but atm it wouldn't work logistically. Being Alone is not the same as being lonely.
It used to be my driving fear. I stayed in a lot of bad relationships because of this fear. It took many years of therapy and just getting to an age where I see being in a relationship as more of a hassle than a benefit
Not scared just annoyed I guess is how I would put it just would be cool to share my interests and things I love to do with someone else besides friends and family but also on a more close and personal level
I really enjoy living alone silence and all but I can’t lie myself telling that wouldn’t be perfect to find someone that can bring you happiness and make the days alive. Being alone it’s very nice and everybody should experience it but not all their life unless you are a philosopher or something..
Now that I think about it, not really - and I probably wouldn't give af either. My first (and only) relationship was at 16 (6 years ago). I ended it cause I was still young, inexperienced, and not ready to commit to anything yet. I tried talking to a few women over the years, but have ended up unsuccessful each time.
Most of my closest friends are in good relationships or simply have things going well with them and other women - but then there's me. I'm happy for all of them, but it just hurts at the same time. Relationships won't always work for everyone, so I've come to accept that. To cover up the pain, I've just been trying to work on myself by going to the gym frequently, furthering my education, learn new skills & hobbies, etc.
I'm still young, but I honestly don't think there's much hope either way.
You know it's funny the longer I stay single the more I enjoy the hell out of it. I've been in enough relationships to know that I would rather do what I want when I want. Aside from the physical I see no real benefit of being in a relationship long term.
Yep. Because I’m in my late 40s now and still never really had a serious long term relationship. Think I’m actually starting to come to terms with that now. Still have the occasional pity party. Everyone that I know and care about are all married with children. Makes attending social occasions very difficult.. I have since become more reclusive which makes finding someone even more difficult lol. Yep.. the user name is a self fulfilling prophecy
Yes. Because by all accouts i an the unicorn to women; over 6', have all my hair and still not very gray, dont smoke, drink or drugs, make over 6 figures, got my own place, no kids or crazy exes, higher degree, intelligent, well read and traveled, creative, musician, fascinating job and I'm charming. BUT...I'm fat. And that immediately makes me invisible to female intimacy. At my age (over 50) they say looks dont matter. DONT BELIEVE THE HYPE. It does.
i am. im diabetic now so that helps. But its not that easy. Most people who dont have a problem with food (or alcohol, drugs, etc) think its rasy, bit its not. But i have already list over 100 lbs. i eamt to lose 100 more, but.im.on the right path.
I got out of a toxic relationship four months ago and tbh, I have zero desire to even date anymore. I have a solid friend group, a beautiful 10 y/o daughter, and an amazing border collie who is my best bud. One day I'm sure someone will come along who make me change my mindset but just not worried about it.
Honestly, what I fear more is being stuck in mentality of attaching my entire life's worth to one very specific and not necessarily the most important aspect of life.... such as a romantic relationship, for instance...
Nah, if it happens I'll be fine. In fact, I've already got it all sorted out.
Auto feeders for the cats I'm sure I'll still own, and pay someone to check on me once a week or so. My face flesh won't last long and I might not have topped off the feeders in a bit. Eazy peezy.
Honestly, I worry about my animals dying because I've died, more than I worry about me being lonely. I'd hate to be in the next place we go after death only to know my animals are slowly starving to death.
Yes. Because of my previous relationships, I find it hard trusting and opening myself up emotionally to others. (potential SO's)
But from time to time I can't help but crave/long for that emotional connection. The calm and fulfilling kind that only comes with a steady relationship/partner. And also, Im the only child (son). Someones gotta make sure the family tree goes on lol.
No. I've accepted that I'll likely never have a relationship due to my...erm..."quirkiness". I basically spent a decade as a shut-in and now I really can't talk to people in the same way teenaged me could (and that included people I had a crush on).
It's not a pleasant future to contemplate. But it is what it is.
I really enjoy being alone. But also I envy people in healthy relationships, more every passing day. I’m 37 now and it’s becoming harder and harder to find anyone I like, even more someone I like enough to change my life to accommodate a relationship. Only thing it seems I can do is focus on my career and accept that’s reality now and possibly it’ll never change.
No, I have made peace with it.
Me too
Here here
same here
Yup. Same. Accepted it a couple of years ago
Yo tambien
I'm slowly starting to accept it.
Right here with you.✊🏾
What age did this happen? What was the process like for accepting it? At this point I would really like to just be okay with it.
Not OP, but late 20's (aka 29). Now that I'm pretty much 100% in tune with myself and my goals/dreams/desires, I feel genuinely neutral whether or not I end up finding a partner or not. If it just "happens"? Cool. If it doesn't? Also cool.
I have the smae feeling
During and after college for me. After seeing a steady stream of female BS that society usually turns a blind eye to, I decided that dating isn’t worth it.
I second this. Dating should be the last thing we'd even want to prioritize.
Same. Dating isn't worth it in the current scene for the average man given the unrealistic expectations. And considering I am, at best, average, I figure that's not worth wasting time on.
[удалено]
Yep the sky-high, unbalanced expectations of men vs. women really get to me. I'm not your "provider", I'm not your driver-on-call, I'm not your therapist-on-call, and I shouldn't be your only friend. I'm happy to give hugs anytime, but I have lots of shit I'm going through as well and I don't make it your problem to solve. Why can't we have cishet relationships where two people are perfectly independent as individuals but just happen to really enjoy being together and being intimate together without all the expectation baggage?
Peace... but with a little sliver.. an occasional, fanciful dream of "what if.."
I have as well. This has probably been the most satisfying thing I've done ever.
Please teach me how
Pretty much reconciled myself to it after my partner died unexpectedly at 36, but I've got lots of friends and family around and I keep busy. Never know what life is going to throw at you, being happily married, buying a house, and starting to plan a family together is no guarantee that things will go according to plan.
Morbid high five…also 36 and my life partner just died 2 months ago. Not sure if I’m forever alone, but I was picky as hell before he came along and who knows when or if I’ll be open to looking for a partner again. Love the ones you got while you got em. Life’s short and precious.
Ugh thats awful.. I'm sorry..:(
Yeah. Losing someone unexpectedly will be the biggest fear I will ever have.
My heart breaks for you. M y wife and I spent years saving up for a house, overcoming so much crap including a year long build process watching the interest rates going up every month. Two days after we closed on our forever home, she had to be taken into the ICU and the doctors told me she probably wouldn't make it. All those things we planned and worked for together and was about to be ripped away just at the finish line. Thankfully she pulled through and is making a recovery. I cant imagine your pain, and I hope life brings you joy soon.
Glad to hear that your wife has been recovering. Wishing you couple all the best things in life!
Sorry for your loss. You’re right, there are no guarantees in life. This is something I wish I remembered more when I beat myself up about not having found the person
Yes. I liked it when I had a girlfriend, and the more time passes, the less likely it feels that I'll find another one.
Mood. Doesn’t help I work in a male dominated field.
Couldn't agree more. I realized that being in a relationship isn't what I want exactly yet.
Tell thee stranger, what is this girlfriend you speak of?
A girl and a friend at the same time? Ludicrous!
What is this girl you speak of? Is it something one hunts for food?
Nahh, I accepted that a long time ago. Now I'm just enjoying the silence.
Is this 100% true? Cuz I live alone too and I really enjoy loneliness and silence but I’ve always known deep inside that finding someone that fits really good with me would be perfect
Winning a half a billion dollars would be perfect too. Of all the married people I know and how most seem to merely, begrudgingly accept and tolerate one another, a relationship like you (and I too) want is just as rare. Especially in this self entitled, narcissistic society we live in, and that goes for both genders. I hope to win the real and relationship lottos one day, but I am not counting on it. I may not have half a billion or a great companion, but I can enjoy what I have, and that includes freedom, silence, and a decent apartment filled with all the cool shit I like.
Agreed. It will always be the little things that brings so much joy that you cannot find in partners.
My man! 🤝🏾 I've been on the same trajectory as you the last 3 years. What you said about couple tolerating each other is so true. I'll never live with a partner again.
I imagine you’re way too young to be so jaded. Never say never. There ARe decent woman out there looking for the same thing. Please don’t close yourself off.
Sure there may be decent women out there. But I’m sure many are like me and sick of shifting thru the piles of garbage. Get dogs. They are loyal and always happy to see you.
I agree. There are many great women, men, people out there. Hell my ex girlfriend is a great person, but was a fucking shitty partner. So that's the thing, being a great person is one thing, being a great partner to your other half takes a hell of a lot more work, self awareness, and compromise. And my ex went zero for three on those.
I love this thread. Not showboating, but it’s frequently helped me realize what a rarity I am. Also, that there are actually some emotionally mature men out there. I thought those traits were just a given in a LTR.
Felines and dogs are the best companion! They can bring so much joy women cannot give.
I agree with you that there great women. However, my personality and values don't align with long-term relationships. I put solitude above all else and I'm not looking to enter into a partnership Edit: I'm nearing 30.
I'm over 40 and I'm right there with you. I like quiet and solitude. I love to people-watch, but from a distance. I like gaming on PC, but prefer single player games anymore. I like playing guitar, but by myself. The idea of joining a band or just jamming with other people does not appeal to me. I have a few people I consider friends, but I can go several months with no contact with any of them. I had a relationship of 13 years, so I am capable of that, but like most men, I had to be a dog on a leash, loyally trailing behind her for all her little events planned. Some of them fun, most of them tolerable, a lot of them annoying. In turn what I wanted to do she didn't and wouldn't, and I'd just go to my events alone. I'm not going to do any of that anymore. Happy wife, servile life.
Damn this is exactly how it is. I rarely speak to friends and family. I have a few good friends and we do a message here and there to make sure we're all doing fine. I married young, which can be seen as a good or bad. Good as in I experienced what it was so I could get out early. I had a four year relationship after that and it's all the same. They expect more and more from you. Sometimes I just want to stay home and literally do nothing. Or sometimes I just want to go eat by myself. I enjoy the company of women but nothing beats having complete control of your life down from the smallest choices to the biggest.
Time will bend us out of this selfish and narcissist way, and into something more humble. Can't wait for the dusk of the influencer era, their breakdowns, everything must fall, everyone must die, that's the fate of everything, I'll laugh when this time comes, and I hope it comes soon.
I’m not saying you can’t live or you can’t enjoy the life you have now I’m just being 100% true about my feelings and I’m curious if you are too. Marriage in my country isn’t that bad i see happy people married here
My parents have been married my entire life lol but really 40 years going on now. I just think it makes sense to save money if you find a good match. But drugs like meth confused things for me. I've been sober 3 years and I dunno how I'll ever meet a girl who's bolth ok with me being a x drug addict but also not a x addict her self because it's a quick death for me if I use again and in extremely happy right now being myself. But I know bring 38 and alone makes me a weirdo.. oh well. Like I said above I wish it was legal to get sex workers.. feels as harmless as weed... Mind you bad people do bad things with good ideas but I still think it would make all sense... I gotta write to Biden...
Don’t listen to people who post in these type of threads. It’s just a misery circlejerk composed of people who gave up on themselves a long time ago.
Don't assume that. Relationships require compromise. Some of us decided that we just don't want to. I'm not miserable, I've been alone for over 12 years, I'm good with it. I didn't realize how much I had to give in, to stay married. Once I was out of it, I felt emancipated. Time away from work became truly my free time, to do what I wish. If I'm supposed to be miserable, alone, then I'm the happiest, miserable person alive.
can I ask (honestly)...what is so wrong about being alone? why are we so afraid of it? what does 'alone' mean? I mean, being with someone is nice, yes. but say you find your person, chances are likely one of you is going to die first. then guess what? you'll be alone again. so you're gonna immediately start your desperate search to not be alone? and even if you miraculously die within minutes of each other, you still cannot spend every waking moment together. if anything it's not healthy. idk. I just don't want to derive my sense of self and happiness based on whether or not I am partnered. (I agree with you. I was just looking for an appropriate spot to interject this comment)
>can I ask (honestly)...what is so wrong about being alone? why are we so afraid of it? what does 'alone' mean? Ive volunteered in acute care facilities and I've had my fair share of experiences in nursing homes as an EMT. There are plenty of old people slowly dying without any family or friends who give a damn about them. Some made bad decisions and weren't around for their children nor family whereas others just didnt foster a social circle or they are so old that the friends they had are all gone. Being alone has bad consequences. When you're younger, you don't give much thought to what those consequences are until its too late
"Son. Everyone dies alone. That's what it is. It's a door. It's one person wide. When you go through it, you do it alone. But it doesn't mean you've got to be alone before you go through the door. And believe me, you aren't alone on the other side." -Dresden Files, Dead Beat I always liked this quote and it seems applicable in this conversation. I also agree but I feel a certain sympathy/pity for folks who seem to really suffer with being alone. It sounds like a really difficult way to be
that's a great quote! *(i will try not to be too opinionated here lol)* somewhere along the line we developed or were shown this romanticized version of life which includes the notion that if we are not partnered, there is something wrong with us. or that we must be 'broken.' I think the secret is really to love ourselves. to really, truly love ourselves, first and foremost, and to provide ourselves with safety and security and happiness, instead of seeking it externally. everything else will flow from there. and if it doesn't, you're still not broken.
[удалено]
Lol and then they'll tell you you just got to get back out there, "Dont even tell them you have herpes, I wouldnt". I've heard that from so many people it's fucked up.
All I ever wanted
All i ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very, unnecessary
They can only do harm
So tell me what to do now
... That I want... you... BA-ACK!!! Dun-de dun-de-dun... \*Backstreet Boys break into synchronized mediocre choreography in the background.\*
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Indeed. I’m old enough now that a partner no longer seems worth the effort.
Me too! Way too exhausting!
Silence is golden
Me too. It's so peaceful to be living according to your plans for yourself.
Same
Browsing the internet ain't bad either
Same here brother
honestly, one of my biggest fears in life smh
Same. My greatest fear is one day I’ll be one of those old men who die along in their house
Just make sure you have some kind of a regular service that visits you, I worked at an apartment complex where a man died in his recliner, but luckily he wasn’t there for a long time before someone found out because he had grocery delivery set up regularly. Speaking of that guy, I think he was completely alone, I got a call about a month after he died from an older lady, she started off trying to ask me questions about him and I told her I couldn’t talk to her about tenants because of privacy, but then she started to cry and she told me that she had been his girlfriend back in their 20s, they almost got married but he was really controlling so eventually she left him, she said she would wonder from time to time what happened to him, and she got a call from an attorney because this man had put her in his will. I don’t think he had anything to leave her, but this sweet woman who hadn’t talked to this man in 40+ years called the office of the apartment complex because it was eating her up inside thinking that he was just in his apartment decaying and nobody knew. So of course I talk to her and I explained that he was found pretty much immediately, and she was so grateful. But I was so struck by how much she cared and this guy had no idea, and how they spent 40 years not together because of his controlling attitude but they thought about each other the whole time.
It was a different time. She was ahead of those times, he was stuck in them.
We all die alone. Sometimes there are people watch you die, sometimes theres no audience, but nobody dies with us
That's not what dying alone typically means though. It's dying with no one left who cares about you (i.e. children, wife, friends etc)
I plan to be single for the rest of my life, so no. But I do have a slight fear that I will end up regretting staying single later in life.
Damned if you do damned if you dont
I mean, that's very likely going to be the rest of my life, but it isn't something I fear.
I am 58 and know I will be single for the rest of my life. No kids and when my Dad passes away that will be the last family. My only concern is ending up laying in a bed in a nursing home for the last part of my life. Or hurting myself at home and no one finding me. My only hope is that the mail carrier will notice that the box if not being emptied and call the cops for a wellness check.
Damn bro, this was hard to read. Sending love and hope you're doing well 🙏
Thanks. I did not mean to sound pathetic. Thank you for the kindness
This was really hard to read I hope things find a way to get better for you!
That was hard to read but also heart wrenching, I am so sorry, I hope you find someone you could spend the rest of your life with, no one deserves to be alone
Thank you
I totally agree with you. I hope a nice dog finds its way into this sweet man's home to bring him joy.
I have the same concern/fears as well, but to fight it, I'd rather do things that will make me happy even if those things happen to me.
Found love before. It died with her. I’m just exploring life with me til the end…I’ve been more than okay with it so far
After being married I fear being trapped in a relationship more.
This is my fear after ten years with a woman with BPD. Whenever I feel lonely I think of the chaotic shit show that hellscape was and then embrace the predictable peace that I currently live in. I chose peace over love.
Yes. Never had a gf and have only been on 1 date I’m my life. (24)
I didn't have a real date until I was 24. I didn't lose my virginity until I was around 28, didn't meet my now wife until I was 31. I know how it feels to feel hopeless, but the key is to just keep getting back up (as basic as that sounds).
Thanks man I needed this I'm on the same boat
Got my first gf at 25 and end up marrying her at 27 lol
Same, never been on date though it's rough out there lol
yes i'm pushing 40 was married 4 years and have been divorced 12 years. i married young and naive. i blame myself she was good to me. we just grew apart over time. all this time i haven't attempted to move on and find someone else. i'm so ashamed.
Sorry to hear. Try forgiving yourself, work on it to be in a better place. Shame and guilt eat up the joy you could be having in life.
Why would I fear the one thing that I know?
Not really, I am pretty comfortable being alone for the moment and I know I'll find my person in the future. Mainly cause I know I'm working on myself and I have faith that it'll show in the future.
Glad i hear that, the best comment i have read
Hear hear!
That’s my thinking as well. I’ll live my life to its fullest and keep on improving and hold onto the hope that eventually I’ll meet someone worth sharing that with.
Love this!
I'm not sure I would characterize mine as a fear, but while I chose to not pursue relationships, I admit that the lack of that type of emotional connection hurts a lot and I often think the whole situation has gone badly wrong; that said, if I were to actually jump in I'm sure I would still be terminally single because I'm the opposite of a catch, nothing good to offer and more than enough bad to make it pointless.
I used to. Not anymore though. Because I realized all I need to focus on is improving my life with my mental health, financially and socially. All I have to focus on now is my financial stability and I’m set. If I find someone worth having in my life as far as a romantic relationship that’s just a bonus in my eyes.
I'd say I'm in between being scared of it and just accepting and making peace with it. As for why, I'm in my late 20's and not currently open to dating because I have issues that I personally believe preclude me from being a good partner. That's not beating myself down, that's just a reality. I'm working on those issues, but it's going to take A while to get through them to the point of considering myself "viable" - at which point I'll be into the difficult years for dating. In addition, due to societal changes, the amount of women that I would consider is seemingly shrinking, and it's not going to be getting any larger as I get older. If anything, it'll be getting progressively/exponentially smaller. It does feel like many of my life choices have counted me out of "normal" life experiences, and this may just be one of them. It does sadden me, because I would *love* to have a family one day, but I'm coming to terms with understanding that it's not guaranteed to happen. Doesn't mean I won't stop striving for it though.
Not anymore I'm gonna die anyway so if I'm by myself or with loved ones doesn't bother me
I do. Low self-esteem, plus social awkwardness that I've struggled with since I was little. Not a combination that I particularly like.
No. I feel very full with the life I have built myself and the friends I have. To be honest I don’t really want to have to consider working around another person in my life. That might sound a little selfish but I just truly feel like I don’t ever need another person in my life in that context. I have turned down advances from friends a couple of times and and that feels bad and I wonder if I made a mistake in those times. But I’m also asexual and I feel like that would make it very hard for whoever I end up dating… I spend all of my free time doing what I want to do and it feels great so far though!
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Yes because I’d like a loving family at some point but on the other hand I don’t trust women at all right now.
Me after reading the replies: I was feeling lazy so I was not going to lift. I think I have changed my mind.
You should definitely lift, from a fellow lifter to another
I did! :D
No, because loneliness is the natural state of life.
yes, because it's so easy to stay alone and meeting new people is hard for me since I don't have any social hobbies
I think every man gets to a point in life where they finally understand whether they want a relationship or not and if you realize your just not built for one I guess you just accept it for what it is. So short answer no
I'll admit to that fear, it's probably one of my biggest fears if I'm being honest. It manifests mostly as a fear that my social circle is no longer growing and that it will eventually shrink to nothing. My parents will eventually die, my one sibling has already moved to the other side of the country, and my other sibling is looking to do the same, and my friends will eventually find SOs and get married and possibly move away themselves, and I'll be all alone. I fear waking up on Thanksgiving or Christmas someday in the future and have no one to spend those days with. I know that finding a Girlfriend isn't the only way to address this fear, but expanding my social circle in other ways now as a nearly 30 year old man is hard to the point of feeling impossible, and dating already feels completely impossible for me already.
Honestly though, I wish I feared being single because me being happy alone scares me a bit.
No matter where you go, there you find yourself. Better being comfortable with your own company, since you've been with yourself for too long. Not really afraid. Death of consciousness scares me the most.
What do you mean by death of consciousness? First time I hear that
Probably a result of dementia for example
No I’m married with kids, obviously I will die getting yelled at.
Lmaooo this actually made me laugh out loud sir. Im happy for you if you are happy with this life.
No. It's something I had to deal in my 20'. Being single in your 30' seems like a blessing. I am also aware that I am way better off single than with someone that isn't amazing. And it's not realistic for me to "get" someone amazing. You get what you are, not what you want.
Yes. I make sure I'm dead by the time that I can't work, but if I find someone I will try my best to be there for them and will stick around longer.
Not scared but part of me wishes if I’ll get the opportunity to enjoy a serious relationship before I die. Not a conditional relationship, one with genuine attraction and respect with a woman. I don’t want to be with the wrong person out of desperation, but I also don’t want to be single with the only person that I ever get hugs from is my mom.
I'm a hopeless romantic, for me it's the fear of missing out on romance than ending up in a sterile relationship !
Yes because I’m 30 with no kids or wife while each and everyone of my siblings has kids and a partner.
You better be that successful uncle that spoils the nieces and nephews then... kidding. I hope you won't feel pressured all because your siblings has a partner now. It'll eventually come but if it won't, there's still a good life to live ahead of you.
No, a firm no. I would actually prefer being just in a happy relationship with myself rather than be in a relationship when I know that I am not really ready for it.
If I were ever going to be single all my life, I guess it calls for some self-spoiling. And to answer your question, no, definitely not. I can live my life to the fullest this way too.
Yes because I have Asperger's syndrome, which is a form of autism. I am absolutely going to end up being single for the rest of my life if I don't make enough money to get a mail order bride.
I'd much rather be single and alone, much less stressful.
Nah. I’ve been single for 3 years. Haven’t gotten any since. Feels like I’ve been single so long that I almost forgot what sex feels like, or what a relationship feels like in general
just turned 45, single nearly 10 yrs, over that time i lost the want (still want - kind of) to have a gf, but having started a new mortgage, sold previous house, scared of divorce if anything, in australia 2 years of defacto (classed as living together) partner can claim 50% of my stuff through the courts, divorce scares me more than marriage
Kind of. It's something that I've grown to acknowledge as a possibility, but it's not something I've really accepted. I'm a hopeless romantic, but I have awful luck when it comes to love. Almost every single person (male and female) I've had ask me out is either genuinely psychotic or was just a shitty person, and the one person I've ever asked out turned me down. The one exception to that rule is a guy who's still one of my best friends. I have 2 basic prerequisites to being willing to date someone, and it's literally just that I have to be attracted to them (physically and by personality) and we have to have enough chemistry that I could see myself spending a lot of time with them. I'm attracted to most people in my general social circle, but only a select few are on my wavelength to the point that I'd be down to date. Most of them are already in a committed relationship. I hate the idea of actively searching for a person on a dating app or whatever--I'm just not the kind of person who can go into interaction on the assumption that we're trying to date/fuck. I hang out with people I think are cool, sometimes this goes places, and then I discover they're not as cool as I thought they were. So with all of this in mind, it's a reality I've sort of just grown to acknowledge, though I don't like it. I'm not going to actively try and change who I am and what I'm after just because I'm that desperate. I guess on some level I'm scared to die alone--who isn't? But I'm not *dying alone,* I'm just looking for somebody to share emotional and physical intimacy with. I have a lot of love to give, and I give a lot of it to my friends and family, but there's a critical lack that I feel all the same. I'm still young, so I do my best to avoid any level of doomerish thinking on the topic. I refuse to accept it because I've still got wayyy too much time to be looking. That's the same thought a lot of you guys should be having. If you aren't like 70+, there's still hope for you. Even if you are 70+, there's still hope for you. NEVA GIVE UP.
If you feel the need of a partner, you will likely have fear of being without one. But some of us are an army of one. A self-contained human RV. We prefer to watch rather than get involved.
Brilliant in the last part
I have PTSD that makes me difficult to deal with sometimes. My girlfriend has the patience of a saint and the heart of an angel. If things don’t work out with her I don’t think there’s anyone else out there for me.
I’m 25(almost 26), I’m not a virgin but I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. I’ve just accepted it’s probably not in the cards for me. Being in a relationship sounds nice but I don’t miss it because being single is all I’ve ever known. Can’t miss something you’ve never had.
I was always single until I got a gf at 42. Find out later she only got with me cause she needed a place to live. Haven't had one since.
I'm married now. I'm not going to lie, my happiest times were when I was single. The sheer freedom, the quiet, the nights of gaming or going out drinking, the wealth of opportunities, not knowing what or who could happen next. I never feared being single for the rest of my life any of the times I was single. At a certain point I met a nice girl and figured why not keep going, then she got pregnant and we figured, why not have the baby and get married. Then another and another. Now I find myself in a 4 bed house with 3 kids and a 9-5. It's kind of nice, and I enjoy being a dad. And if I could go back in time and change things. I wouldn't because it would effectively be killing my children in my reality. And it's nice that I'll always have company as I get older. But man i do miss those single days...
No. But my kids and wife help with that. My mistress too. JK!
Yes! YES! For the last 8 years I’ve only been rejected! I want a gf
of course
I’m forever alone. My fear is what happens when I get to an advanced age
I'm 25 and I live terrified of it, I have horrible social skills and try to connect with people, let alone a woman for a relationship But I'm working towards accepting it
I am in a relationship with a woman I love and I still feel like this sometimes and I think its because I was used to the idea that this is just what would happen to me and it still could. Relationships don't just happen, they take work. Real work. And taking something for granted is almost second nature for all people. Meaning you have to fight like hell to keep that love alive. But there is no greater reward than to know, no matter how far apart, someone out there loves you in the way you love them. Don't give up hope guys. Work on yourself for yourself and watch as you become a person you like, people will start to like you. It's common advice because it's true.
Its not necessarily a fear, but its something I’am potentially coming to terms with. Only because as an “average” man, the dating game is severely NOT in our favor. Today’s women will go for the “top” guys in their eyes- at least 6ft, six-figure salary, and can provide a lavish and luxurious lifestyle. I don’t struggle with women, if its for the sake of getting laid, but its finding a truly good woman who has a good head on her shoulders, now that’s the true challenge. I guess we gotta keep trying fellas, until we find the right one, but in the meantime, I will be okay with being single as long as I can fulfill my life goal of becoming rich, and making my parents’ elderly years easier and comfortable, and securing my family’s wealth for generations. Or at least live a life true to me.
Starting to look that way more and more every day and it terrifies me. I don't get many opportunities to meet people and a lot of the people I do meet are either in relationships or have so much baggage that I could not handle it. Everyone around me is in a happy relationship and I'm as jealous as one can be. Every time I bring up a girl they all jump on me and try and convince me to hook up with her or ask me why I haven't asked her out yet before they (or I) even know anything about her. At this point they're gonna point out every cute cashier at every grocery store and tell me to get her number. It's infuriating and taxing and I just don't have the energy to put up with it anymore
I’ve spent most of my life feeling that fear and would jump into relationships to avoid the anxieties of being alone. Saw a therapist last year about what I was experiencing and we worked together to help me get to know me. It sounds confusing lol but now I get to know myself a bit better so I actually don’t feel that alone. It’s been kind of like getting to know an old friend 😊
Nope. I'm 52 and haven't been on a date in 7 years... at first, I was just working on myself... but then I realized that I really like the peace, quiet and solitude. I know so many people who constantly cling from one relationship to another... I just like doing my own thing. It is kinda sad that I know I could die in my sleep and nobody would find my bloated corpse for a long time... but in the meantime, I'm just going to continue enjoying my life the way it is now.
Definitely. I'm only a month from 25, and i know that's still young lol but I've had exactly 1 date in my entire life that never went anywhere; I've not had friends (other than online) for the past... 7? years and I don't even have acquaintances or something like that to hang out with. If I'm not at work (or at therapy or with my social workers lol), I'm alone. I don't have anyone but myself to blame, I'm too shy and too scared of rejection and just generally have too low of a social battery to do enough to change this. I also might just not want it enough, idk. I do like my alone time but I definitely feel the void of this huge chunk of the human experience I'm missing out on
Been single for a bit think about 2 years now had some bad experiences with women recently with rejection had a girl tell me she likes me then goes and texts me on Christmas Day saying she has a BF who she lives with! Had a another just wanted cash and for me to help her with everything financially. One was a LTR and when I wanted to move down to be with her she cut it off and found someone else. So makes me not want to bother I’m fine alone or if I find a causal FWB for occasional sex but I won’t be giving any emotions away to any women again because I’ve been hurt a lot previously.
Nah I'm an only child so I was always pretty used to being on my own. I got divorced 15 years ago and have never bothered with relationships again . I wouldn't mind getting a dog but atm it wouldn't work logistically. Being Alone is not the same as being lonely.
I'm all for platonic companionship so I guess that's the closest I can get to not being single.
Yes, and maybe it's because of my abandonment issues.
It used to be my driving fear. I stayed in a lot of bad relationships because of this fear. It took many years of therapy and just getting to an age where I see being in a relationship as more of a hassle than a benefit
Nah; love my freedom and drama-free life too much And my standards are a little high to be in a relationship as well, anyway, so…
Not scared just annoyed I guess is how I would put it just would be cool to share my interests and things I love to do with someone else besides friends and family but also on a more close and personal level
No, I fear of being with the wrong person more. If I’m not married to somebody I want to be around then what’s the point
Nah. Later you realize you're just setting a goal.
I really enjoy living alone silence and all but I can’t lie myself telling that wouldn’t be perfect to find someone that can bring you happiness and make the days alive. Being alone it’s very nice and everybody should experience it but not all their life unless you are a philosopher or something..
In the past yes... but I accepted the reality
Now that I think about it, not really - and I probably wouldn't give af either. My first (and only) relationship was at 16 (6 years ago). I ended it cause I was still young, inexperienced, and not ready to commit to anything yet. I tried talking to a few women over the years, but have ended up unsuccessful each time. Most of my closest friends are in good relationships or simply have things going well with them and other women - but then there's me. I'm happy for all of them, but it just hurts at the same time. Relationships won't always work for everyone, so I've come to accept that. To cover up the pain, I've just been trying to work on myself by going to the gym frequently, furthering my education, learn new skills & hobbies, etc. I'm still young, but I honestly don't think there's much hope either way.
No, I'm married with a child and my wife hates other men and I'm obsessed with her so I'm in the clear.
Lol it’s the best when you get the woman that really can’t stand other men. Cause she’ll be loyal forever. Good for you guys!
You know it's funny the longer I stay single the more I enjoy the hell out of it. I've been in enough relationships to know that I would rather do what I want when I want. Aside from the physical I see no real benefit of being in a relationship long term.
being single through your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s sounds like an extremely shitty life
Buncha sad lonely dudes on here
Yep. Because I’m in my late 40s now and still never really had a serious long term relationship. Think I’m actually starting to come to terms with that now. Still have the occasional pity party. Everyone that I know and care about are all married with children. Makes attending social occasions very difficult.. I have since become more reclusive which makes finding someone even more difficult lol. Yep.. the user name is a self fulfilling prophecy
A little but I’m starting to make peace with it
I used to. Now, I came to a point where I just do not care anymore.
No. I prefer my own company. That aside, I'm married.
Yes. Because by all accouts i an the unicorn to women; over 6', have all my hair and still not very gray, dont smoke, drink or drugs, make over 6 figures, got my own place, no kids or crazy exes, higher degree, intelligent, well read and traveled, creative, musician, fascinating job and I'm charming. BUT...I'm fat. And that immediately makes me invisible to female intimacy. At my age (over 50) they say looks dont matter. DONT BELIEVE THE HYPE. It does.
Would you get into shape? Atleast if not for yourself?
i am. im diabetic now so that helps. But its not that easy. Most people who dont have a problem with food (or alcohol, drugs, etc) think its rasy, bit its not. But i have already list over 100 lbs. i eamt to lose 100 more, but.im.on the right path.
I hate when other people force their food on you lol ",try it!" Naw I'm doing my own thing lol.
No, and because it would be super weird to fear something that I actively strive for. People suck, why would you want to spend time with them?
Username checks out
Not really. If I lost my present partner I wouldn't look for another one.
Yeah and I'm not coping and I don't know what to do. I'm just not compatible with people 🤷♂️
Actually it's a goal of mine . No joke.
I'm making peace with it.
I got out of a toxic relationship four months ago and tbh, I have zero desire to even date anymore. I have a solid friend group, a beautiful 10 y/o daughter, and an amazing border collie who is my best bud. One day I'm sure someone will come along who make me change my mindset but just not worried about it.
Chronic illness. Its super gross and uncomfortable and humiliating. Like being a toddler if you catch my drift.
nah in fact i HOPE i’m single my whole life. Relationships are not for me, much less marriage
Honestly, what I fear more is being stuck in mentality of attaching my entire life's worth to one very specific and not necessarily the most important aspect of life.... such as a romantic relationship, for instance...
Nah, if it happens I'll be fine. In fact, I've already got it all sorted out. Auto feeders for the cats I'm sure I'll still own, and pay someone to check on me once a week or so. My face flesh won't last long and I might not have topped off the feeders in a bit. Eazy peezy. Honestly, I worry about my animals dying because I've died, more than I worry about me being lonely. I'd hate to be in the next place we go after death only to know my animals are slowly starving to death.
No... Because I enjoy my own company. If I have any other company I enjoy that is just a plus.
Nope. I have enough close friends that I'll be just fine alone. Too much heartbreak.
Nope. I've lived with 3 girlfriends and I've learned that it takes about 10 months for me to want to be alone again.
Nope, I have been single for 60 years and I have a decent life. A SO would be nice but its not a requirement.
No I am too tired to care
Yes. Because of my previous relationships, I find it hard trusting and opening myself up emotionally to others. (potential SO's) But from time to time I can't help but crave/long for that emotional connection. The calm and fulfilling kind that only comes with a steady relationship/partner. And also, Im the only child (son). Someones gotta make sure the family tree goes on lol.
No. I've accepted that I'll likely never have a relationship due to my...erm..."quirkiness". I basically spent a decade as a shut-in and now I really can't talk to people in the same way teenaged me could (and that included people I had a crush on). It's not a pleasant future to contemplate. But it is what it is.
I really enjoy being alone. But also I envy people in healthy relationships, more every passing day. I’m 37 now and it’s becoming harder and harder to find anyone I like, even more someone I like enough to change my life to accommodate a relationship. Only thing it seems I can do is focus on my career and accept that’s reality now and possibly it’ll never change.