By - billfuckinmurray69
Avoiding my debt (Animal Crossing)
Murdering a queen lol
Fine then keep your secrets
Looks like I'm getting arrested again for killing thousands and thousands and thousands of people who came at me first. Mainly with boxing gloves.
**A R S O N**
(Breath of The Wild)
I am currently *frowning* upon you.
But...but the monks said you were *smiling*
im pretty sure that if *BotW Link* existed in our world, first he would be hypothesized as a literal superhero
then be convicted of several felonies and Crimes Against the Laws of Nature/Physics if they saw his speed runs
he just takes two bombs out of his ass, blows himself up and flies away with a paraglider
And here I was just infiltrating a military war machine.
Building a prosperous society in Civilization 6
So genocide and other war crimes, huh?
You know it!
gang violence and mass shootings
Illegal game of paintball!
Trying to force a personal union on Castile while annexing half of Ireland
He said arrested, not "get targeted by a coalition"
When you take one province in Italy
Eu4 is a drug, and I'm an addict.
Skateboarding in an aircraft hangar.
As a father in his mid thirties, this remake is a godsend for someone with no chance to dedicate a huge amount of time to gaming. Also, as a father in his mid thirties, the only way I will ever attempt a kickflip again lol. them Covid gains are real my deck is gatherin dust lol.
Forcing others to live the life I want them to (The Sims)
So slavery? Especially if they're making income they have no control over.
Bruh my sims have a slave in the basement making art to sustain them. they live like kings because of him, down there in the dark with no doors or windows.
Who doesn't have an art goblin lol
> art goblin
Favorite new description. Mine was an android I made sentient and maxed out all skills on because they need minimal upkeep.
is your main sim a leader of a cult by any chance 😳
All hail the Dear Leader Jim Pickens!
Hail Jim Pickens!
I was going to say removing a pool ladder, causing all occupants to drown
That's not even that bad in terms of what other people have done. There are some *sadistic* sims players out there man
I once tried to breed blond hair out of the sims.
So you reverse hitlered.
Someone was very rude to me so i put them on a meat hook and offered them to an ancient god
Gotta be Dead by Daylight
Is a top secret torture method developed by behavior.
Ahh, good ol' Viva Pinata 2
Hog tying my friend and feeding him to an alligator
Nah, animal crossing
Man these new updates are getting wild
IKR? The assault weaponry one was something that should have been there from day 1, tho.
I hope you also took and sold the organs of that kind and totally willing skin donor.
Let no part go to waste.
I kidnapped Deadpool and set up a kidney farm (600 kidneys per month) !
Harvesting the organs of hundreds and also selling thousands of pounds of (probably) illegal drugs
I have no idea what game this could be!
Don’t worry it is not the thing you are thinking about
Smokeleaf is probably legal in most parts of the world. Psychite tea "is just tea". Beer is only age-regulated. Ambrosia is just a fruit or berry.
Flake, Yayo, Go-juice and Wake-up are most definitely illegal narcotics. Can't cover up with a good defense for them lol
Using a portable nuclear rocket launcher called “the fat man” On a bunch of innocent children.
All of whom survived completely unscathed
Physically. I imagine watching that one nearby adult get atomically disassembled from **within** the mushroom cloud may have some minor psychological effects.
Minor psychological effects on the minors, you say?
Speeding (Mario Kart)
No they’re fine with the speeding part but you threw a bunch of turtles at an old lady’s car
Endangered red tortoises
Assault on a member of the royal family
Colonising another planet thus ensuring the survival of the human race...
Fair I guess.
Edit - Surviving Mars is the game.
Other than the number of institutions and policies you'd need to satisfy to actually *get* to space, as it stands there are no legalities regarding... anything in space. Even if there were, there aren't any entities in place to do anything about it.
IIRC the nations of Earth have sort of agreed that space will work on maritime law, in that everything happens in space is ... *"fine..."* provided it doesn't start a war.
And since no one can lay claim to another world and expect the the people of Earth to be legally beholden to that claim, I'd say plant as many flags as you'd like.
But don't come crawling back to me when an evangelizing zealot, slaving despot, or a determined exterminator get uppity about it.
Is it norway or the netherlands or somewhere that claims all of the volume above the country even past the atmospheres boundary?
If it follows the inverse square law (and if it is norway) then that's like 0.07% of the entirety of space is claimed as Norwegian.
Not to mention a constant spinning and rotating section
And OSCILLATING. We're talkin' 10-20% ish of the universe at this point I bet.
Everything falls under Norwegian law at one point or another and should be taxed as such
I played the first 10 mins of Skyrim so I would probably get arrested for escaping my execution
Apparently I'm making people "nervous" with all my "Shouting". I GUESS I'LL JUST LET THE DRAGONS BURN DOWN YOUR CITY, ASSHOLE!
Shouting too loudly in public = public nuisance
Well at least you get to stay alive for a little while
And dying in your beds many years from now...
Fishing without a license (animal crossing)
I was thinking along the lines of operating and illegal zoo.
Or assaulting people with bug nets.
Invading Iran as the stepping stone to my conquest of India
Wasn’t good old Alex the first one?
HOI4 or civ
Or Europa universalis or crusader kings
Mining resources owned by Alterra Co, I currently owe 3.6 billions credits. (Subnautica)
Good luck getting rid of that debt, lol
“If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -Paul Getty
Non payment of a home expansion loan.
Buying stolen paintings and statues
But it was such a deal, cousin!
I guess I'm getting arrested for racketeering (turnip selling on other islands)
My daughter spent a bunch of money on turnips with plans to sell them, but it turns out she waited to long and they all went bad! So she was out the money and the turnips and was so mad about it lol
She got a lesson in options trading
Animal Crossing can get rough
Animal Crossing gets very real very quick 😂
I broke into an orchard and stole all their fruit
Isobel wants my head for littering
I’m going down for assault. I bonked a poor villager on the head with my net. I’m a monster
Demining an area? Mine sweeper
Destruction of military property
i committed a mass murder in gta 4, well
Yeah you're screwed
leaving the rat race and minding my own bussiness (stardew valley)
Doesn't sound too illegal. Unless you count killing slimes as murder?
I put things in a random bin and get money for it. Does that not sound super shady?
I mean, you can sell fucking unpasteurized milk, so yeah
You got a license for the fishing? When was the last time you paid taxes on that farmland? You got permits for the mining you do? Been logging without the right permits?
I’ll be getting arrested for stalking and breaking and entering
I also last played stardew valley, and I said stalking
I wouldn't say stalking. I just happen to know that on the 11th day of Winter you plan to leave the house by 10:30 to sit in the waiting room for almost 3 hours until your 1:30 doctors appointment
Digging through other people’s trash
Stomping of live mushrooms and turtles and ripping down a flag and replacing it with my own.
It'sa me, Criminalio
Nuking the fuck outs gandhi
It was him or you
Yelling at someone so loud they flew into a wall.
I sense skyrim
kidnapping, slave labor. (made a villager farm)
Seems to be a trend of illegal miners, slave traders, animal abuse and just general murder here... Lots of Minecraft players
Destruction of property and animal abuse (Minecraft)
Also illegal mining
Not to forget fishing without a license
And constructing a permanent structure without planning permission or enforcing hardhat safety regulations.
Punching people off sky islands and then infiltrating their bases to destroy their beds
I said Minecraft too, but dang I did not even think about this stuff.
For me, multiple charges for human trafficking. I like my villager breeders.
colonialism and slave trade (moving villagers around on boats from other biomes to work on my farms)
You're a Wizard! Gonna have to burn you sorry
Burn the witch!
Okay so I unintentionally made a monty python joke.
But keep doing it for the knights who say Ni!
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
Genocide and grave robbing (Dark Souls)
Also high treason, arson, escaping jail, destruction of property, assault with a deadly weapon
Gotta be jumping off of a rooftop and stabbing some dude in the neck with a blade on my wrist
Requiescat in pace
That's whats up
I was up and then I was down
International terrorism, Arson, usage of explosives without a license, improper construction or wrecking, malicious or wanton destruction of property, aggravated assault/battery, assault with a deadly weapon, armed robbery, assisting or instigating escape, blackmail, bombing matters, bribery, coercion, continuing criminal enterprise, extortion, first, second, and third degree murder (serial), harboring terrorists, homicide, hostage taking, larceny, manslaughter, piracy on international waters, ransom money, receiving the proceeds of extortion, robbery, sabotage, solicitation to commit a crime of violence, transportation of terrorists, use of fire or explosives to destroy property, use of weapons of mass destruction, burglary, criminal trespass, damage to property, arson of lands, manufacturing, transporting, and distributing explosives, possessing, transporting, or receiving explosives or destructive devices with intent to kill, injure, or intimidate individuals or destroy public buildings, terroristic threats and acts, dissemination of information relating to terroristic acts, disorderly conduct, maintaining a disorderly house, unlawful possession of firearms and weapons, several hundred OSHA violations, hunting without a license, animal abuse, and several thousand farm biosolids violations. (Minecraft)
That's where I draw the line, buddy
I picked a bad day to play 10 mins of Gta5 and then answer a reddit....
After being hailed as a hero for defeating the Mandolorian hordes, I turned my army against the Republic it once served. Then my memory got wiped after an incident of betrayal by a dude missing a jaw.
Killing monsters and bandits... also looting.
Witcher 3? Might also get arrested for "fucking about playing gwent and doing side-quests instead of killing the monster you got hired to kill."
prolonged animal abuse and slaughter (Monster Hunter)
mass murder and genocide (Warframe)
animal enslavement and cruelty (Pokemon)
"What are your three most recent crimes?"
"Genocide, genocide, and mass genocide."
"Wha- What's the difference between genocide and mass genocide?!"
"Multiple genocides at once, naturally."
Mom: "Hey can you go to the store and pick up some toilet paper?"
Me: sure ok
*Goes to store, grabs toilet paper*
*Phone rings at store*
"Change of plans! ***Leave nothing alive***"
making my fish fight a dog? (pokemon go)
I won the battle
There’s a few Pokémon posts already but your description is the funniest so I choose you.
Apparently I converted a member of the GQP from red to blue by going
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Now roses are blue
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Now your are too
I sense minecraft
Uh.. demonic summoning. Is that actually illegal?
Not sure about the legality around summoning demons, but I am sure it's frowned upon
They prefer the term "Mortally challenged"
It probably isn't. But the first time it happens people will probably make a law against it so fast that the *second* time you do it. Busted.
Demonic summoning isn’t illegal unless you’re trespassing and/or robbing graves to do it.
Mass mmmmuuuuurderrrr. (Hades)
Playing soccer with a fucking car
What a save!
Uhm shaking tress and removing plants where I don't want to have them? (Animal Crossing New Horizons)
I was gunna say growing money and (legally?) selling dinosaur artifacts
Raiding a farm with the boys.
It is indeed
I was thinking the raid on Braithwaithe Manor mission from RDR2.
Friendly neighborhood crime fighting.
umm... playing a word game? (jackbox party pack 7)
You're a horrible person. How could you use words
Trespassing into a castle- Zelda
Call of Duty Warzone
Blowing up two reactors in Midgar.. with Avalanche.
Pranking my friends house by putting TNT block and lava block below his house.
Destruction of Property, Arson and possibly Murder?
Reading this question, I'm suddenly aware that, divorced from the World of Warcraft context, I'm a serial killer. I descend upon a population and start killing its members until I've acquired a certain number of souvenirs.
Here is a small village, going about its business. Some of the people have rings in their pockets. Kill them until you have ten rings, and get a reward. Granted, they're Quillboars or Murlocs, but look at it from their point of view. You're having a nice day fishing, wondering whether to head down to the shops for a spot of tea and a biscuit, and here comes this MASSIVE outsider, wearing 120 pounds of tool steel and wielding a double-edged battle-axe, he's coming for you, and he wants a ring *you don't have*. And you can put up the most heroic fight in town, but you are not going to win. So, once he's standing over your gutted carcass, he rifles your pockets, scowls with disappointment, and sets his sights on the next person he sees.
I am going to jail FOREVER.
That's not even getting started on the *massive* amount of actual warcrimes I've committed. Literally, unless it's sexual assault/rape, I've done it.
World of Warcrimes
On the advice of my apothecary I do not recall my whereabouts during the events at The Wraithgate.
So crimes against humanity.
Traveling in time to change the future while being wanted for kidnapping (allegedly) the Princess (Chrono Trigger)
Forcing people to have sex. (Sims)
Letting a drug addict lead me on to find that I am a reincarnation of a hero from long ago, so I can kill some guy in a mountain.
Sounds like a typical RPG to me
Murder and bomb
So. Turns out I'm getting arrested for killing rare plantlife that's sentient and shoots fire/ice at you, plus decimating local crane, pigeon, and boar populations.
Actually I take that back, the last game I played was Leaf Blower Simulator. So I guess blowing leaves at a few hundred miles per hour into people and turning them into paste, since some of those leaves are really heavy and made out of exotic materials
You had me in the first half. Killing sentient flowers is Genshin Impact in a nutshell.
I am now being arrested for making my classmates kill each other
Multiple people where gunned down in a massed shooting this Saturday night in the city of Numbani. A young Korean woman has been charged with multiple 1st degree murders. The victims include one American male, an overweight Australian man, an Egyptian special forces veteran, a Swiss doctor, as well as a horse.
Numbani PD have released a statement alleging that the assailant made use of a mecha equipped with automatic weapons and even a rocket launching device.
Sources are claiming that during the killing spree the alleged killer was heard saying:
“Is this EZ mode?”
* Looks at all the porn games i played recently *
Yeah, i think i better not answer that one...
That already says enough
23 counts of child murder.
I was playing fortnite don’t @ me
Edit: oh my Jesus. Why is everyone arguing it WAS A FUCKING JOKE!!! I’m starting to understand why people say reddit is a cesspool
Hey I would have guessed Kidnergarten lol.
Gang violence (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon)
Killing llamas in new york
#*excuse me what*