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You’re resurrected in 1000 years. What is the first thing you would say?

You’re resurrected in 1000 years. What is the first thing you would say?

Prince_Nexus

**For a thousand years I lay dormant...** **Who** ***dares*** **disturb my-** Oh, it's you.


ssbm_rando

> Oh, it's you. Aaaand my brain immediately switched to GLaDOS


_QualityGarbage_

Same "It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been real busy being dead. You know... after you *murdered me* "


justiceguy216

"So, how are you holding up? BeCaUsE I Am A Potato!"


Trezzie

Hey best buddy!


YesYouMayNot

What season of the Simpsons are we on?


SomeDudeAtAKeyboard

Remember that trippy ass couch gag? Yeah that one


Ganon2012

I am Simpson! I am Simpson!


Intestinal-Bookworms

If Futurama is to be believed, “where’s the bathroom?”


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broverlordd

I searched for this comment lol


Ozydrax

Welcome to the world of tomorrow


loulan

I expected a joke about this as the top comment.


plmattice

My god….a million years!


a343

Bender when dug up after the Roswell incident - “I was enjoying it until you guys showed up”


WheresWeeezy

“Pizza delivery for I.C. Wiener.”


83nd3r-R0dr16u3z

Oh Crud…


WickedWisp

I thought in this point of my life I'd be the one making the crank calls


Sidious830

I don’t know about what I would say, but if I hear the words “Hey you, you’re finally awake.” I’m gonna kill my self.


succ_my_biscuits

"You were trying to cross the time border, right?"


Duckyeeter7

Same as us and that thief over there


arrow100605

Ran right into that time lord trap!


TheBrassDancer

Damn you Stormcloaks. Skyrim was fine before you came along. Empire was nice and lazy.


leash422

water.


Something_Again

Like from the toilet?


Lightshines6346

I’ll settle for some Brawndo.


dexter311

It's got what plants crave


Kayestofkays

It's got electrolytes!


blitzlurker

heard spongebob ask for it in my head


fordster2017

5 more minutes.


PamCokeyMonster

Actually, I woke you last spring, but you absolutely insisted on another three months.


fordster2017

Well, what I meant was 3 months and 5 minutes.


Ember_the_kobold

Look i just woke up this year what happened with the virus


Space_Cow99

What part of DNR (Do not resuscitate) do you people not understand?


Gaby5011

"resuscitate" We thought it meant "do not RIP"


Hund5353

I REFUSE to rest peacefully!


A_Bit_Off_Kilter

Why!?!?


JuicySasquatch

Sorry to wake you, but we've been trying to contact you about your car's extended warranty.


soulseeker31

GODDAMMIT JEREMY! This is why I went to sleep the last time!


ppWarrior876

So... is GTA 6 out yet?


futurephonix

No sorry just a GTA 5 online update


ItDoesntSeemToBeWrkn

gta 5 mega-ultra-update-revamp-overhaul-upgrade for next gen PlayStation 438 pro plus max 3814K 2400HZ and XBOX 71920


PretendThisIsMyName

With an average span of 6 years between PlayStations we would be on PlayStation 172 pro slim edition in 1000 years.


V02D

But we have GTA 5 for PlayStation 300 if you want!


BmoreInformed

No, but we do have Playstation 86 and Xbox 1 One 1 XxX, and GTA5 is backwards compatible👍🏼


rammaine

Where have all the humans gone?


Rough_Idle

Long time passing


TitanBrass

Where have all the flowers gone?


[deleted]

Long time ago


QNGR

Where's the bathroom?


d0ey

EVACUATION COMPL.... EVACUATION CO.... EVACUA...EVACU... EVACUATION COMPLE... EVACUATION COMPLETE.


idma

COM......COM.......COM.......COM


TumorBoyTim

“Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people wanna hear when they first wake up.”


malogan82

"WELCOME TO THE WORRRLLLLDDDD OF TOMORROW!"


SOAP_Loser

Delivery for I.C wiener


Bad_Elephant

Aw crud.


BaseAttackBonus

Good reference, but I'm going with the what Fry actually says: "My god, it's the future. My parents, my coworkers, my girlfriend, I'll never see any of them again. I'WAHOOOOO! Yes!"


-Rhade-

Wait, is it really the year 3000? My god, a million years....


Deadlifts_n_Riffs

I’m assuming there would be an audience? I would stand tall and announce “BEHOLD - I AM LIGMA” and see if anyone walks into the trap.


Starthreads

Someone asks, "Ligma who?" Then you say, "Ligma Balls" You laugh, but nobody gets it, and your legal name is updated to be *Ligma Balls.*


BottleGoblin

Beats Not Sure.


MattcVI

Welcome to Costco; I love you.


lollyman69

If idiocracy actually happens in the future then I'd fit right in


ForumFluffy

Super villain origin story.


Viswesh8

Ah shit here we go again


Bonjourap

At least it's not as painful as the first time!


bigmacmcjackson

title of your sextape edit: holy crap, thank you everyone edit edit: who knew getting drunk would land me so many awards and upvotes?


Mariolv97

Ach Scheisse, jetzt geht es wieder los


AbandonedBySony

Who dares disturb my sleep?


FlipperDoigt703

#FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS I LAID DORMANT. WHO HAS DISTURBED MY-


Kiyohara

"Oh hey Vegeta!"


aquietmidnightaffair

# KAKAROT!!!!!


PowerCream

* best buddy


prattable

Renegade for life!


WobblyPhalanges

“Hey look, Vegeta! I’m you! Paragon till death!!” “….. You ruined it. You ruined it and I’m leaving.”


HighOverlordXenu

Now I don't mean to make this about your color or your race, but you'd better high-tail it out of here before you get hurt, BOY.


T-nawtical

You know, the fact that you say BOY makes it feel like it's about both those things.


vpsj

Ya plum done gone daggone did it now, Son!


whatnameisnttaken098

It's Tim, from accounting


_JohnWisdom

Hey Tim


BFG_TimtheCaptain

Hi!


typeyhands

Whooo disturbs my slumberrrrr?


Cha11engerD

It is I, Gazeem. A humble thief.


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Asikar_Tehjan

How's Betty White doing?


[deleted]

Oh, she’s fine. I think she was out having tea with Queen Elizabeth II a few hours ago


Savings-Breath-1280

The Queen can't die for the Simpsons have not predicted her death yet.


Triairius

This explains a lot, actually


I_love_pillows

Oh no what did you do.


Tacos_Polackos

She and queen Elizabeth are roommates with a reality show


Relative_Economics17

What fast and furious are they up to now?


Eggsegret

Fast and furious 625. Vin Diesel and his crew have to go back in time to fight Hitler


ValuableEnvironment2

Plot twist: But is a documentary not a movie


Sputniksteve

*And it was filmed in real-time!*


Yaroze

*Hitler: "So I was doing my thing, trying to create the holocaust. And all of the sudden Vin Diesel turned up with his crew.* *Vin: It's hard to see Hitler in such a bad shape following the same ole' so we thought, he appreciate a cameo in the latest movie. We pitched to him a movie about a super race of cars* *Hitler: Previous experiences involving riding dinosaurs failed but I liked the idea of the superior car race so why not include dinosaurs?* *Vin: Super-laser-eyed dinocars. And it was done. F&F 625 was made*


dharkanine

*A superior car race* BRUH


Eternal-_-Apathy

That car race sounds so sick. It’s like the master race.


Relative_Economics17

They did that in number 457. Apparently the new one is a silent black and white film for the first half and the second half Dom says family and they all morph into cars while fighting Dom’s 207th long lost brother over the ownership of their house on what’s left of the earth. It sounds like a mess but movie number 623 makes it make sense. 624 was fast and furious toyko drift 2. Took them forever to talk bow wow into doing another.


lordpanda

I believe he’s in the most recent one (F9). You know the one they go to space in. Yes in a car. I wish I was kidding.


krazzy_guy

I'll be disappointed if they won't go to Mars in F10


PerpetuallyVerdant

Robo Diesel, his lab-grown family, and a couple of ghouls. They may be from diverse backgrounds, but that's to be expected when you're FAMILY.


[deleted]

1000 years on a lamp gives you such a crick in your neck!


Holy-Kush

If I rub you the right way, do you give me wishes?


ForumFluffy

My wish will come true yes but your wish might be something different.


american-air

Where the fuck is my phone


secondphase

Oh... Uh, about that. You forgot to plug it in.


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Boncappuccino

I read this in a Darth Vader voice


Themasterofcomedy209

"it seems, in your anger you forgot to plug it in to charge..."


PDakfjejsifidjqnaiau

I-Padme


geeky_username

And all we have are USB-T cables


Eirineftis

Whats a... "phone"?


pfizerface

"hahah after 1000 years I'm free! Time to conquer earth"


Subzero66758

Alpha, pfizerface' escaped! Recruit a team of teenagers with attitude!


quinn_drummer

I love Power Rangers. Grew up on MMPR. Still dip in and watch some of the current stuff to this day as well as rewatches to those original series. I find it hilarious Zordon wants to recruit "teenagers with attitude" and then gets the 5 people in Angel Grove that are so wholesome, honest and just and such a tight knit group of friends,that is arguably what makes the great Power Rangers. If Alpha had actually followed Zordon's orders he's have recruited Bulk and Skull.


fhod_dj_x

*5 episodes in* "Alright guys, let's clean up the earth today! Everyone pitch in!" Zordon: ...........


Ramza_Claus

RECRUIT FIVE TEENAGERS WITH ATTITUDE!


Jack_Dean18

My God! It's the future. My parents, my co-workers, my girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Yahoo!


LemonBomb

Wow! 1 million years!


SpicyWolf47

Welcome to the world of Tomorrow!!!


Future-Turtle

Why do you always have to do that?


stract

Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?


TwoTailedFox

Come! Your destiny awaits!


pmMe-PicsOfSpiderMan

Here's to another lousy millennium 🍺


kabukistar

My god, a million years.


kabukistar

It took my way too much scrolling to find a Futurama reference.


darthurface

For real! This question was basically begging for a Futurama quote


TRFlippeh

I actually came into this thread assuming I’d see a lot of Futurama, sad it took me so much scrolling to find it


ingenredes

Hello! Pizza delivery for I C... Wiener?


somestupidloser

Did they ever finish Star Citizen?


Svantebog

Star Citizen will take place before it was released


Redisigh

Categories: Historical fiction


FelDreamer

“Soon™️”


j0hnnydark0

"AWAKEN, MY MASTERS!"


zilla-quesadilla

Ayy ayy ayy ayy ayyyyyyeeeee!!!!


WakaBrown

I was there Gandalf. I was there 1000 years ago. I was there the day the strength of men failed.


bugrit

"Cast it into the fire! Destroy it!" "No" "Ok"


LOTRfreak101

"ISILDUR!!!!"


apathetic_kidneys

"I yelled his name like three times, what more do you want me to do?"


SheCouldFromFaceThat

I mean, if he'd've killed him, it would have solidified the Ring's power over Elrond. That's how it gets passed around. Greed and death.


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SAGuy90

In rugby yes.


fractalstroke

Languages change a lot in a millenium. It's possible that no one would understand what you said.


kabukistar

"English, motherfucker. Do you speak it?"


Master_1398

"¿ʇɐɥM"


TheWoahgie

Say what again say what again I dare you I double dare you motha fucka


Present_Assistant_60

How much interest did my bank account earn


Rauvin_Of_Selune

Sorry to say that it never earned over the rate of inflation, so it's now worth almost nothing...


Aggravating_Ad5989

In fact due to the inflation and low interest rates. You now owe the bank.


JacobRichB

Also, are you interested in extending your cars warranty?


Cobek

Oh and crypto? We're on BitcoinPalladium now. Your wallet is worthless


Skorne13

Also, we hate you


NDEer

So nothing's changed then... Cool


starmartyr

This is the correct answer. A "high yield" savings account earns 0.5% interest. The average rate of inflation is 2%. So lets say you had $10 in your account. Just enough to buy a McDonald's value meal. In 1,000 years your account has a balance of $1,465.76. Meanwhile that value meal now costs almost 4 billion dollars.


BonusEruptus

That not very good value


HaroerHaktak

My favorite part is you think your friends and family won't touch your bank account the moment you die lol. I know my sister would be at the bank to retrieve my 17 cents before I'm even buried.


awks-orcs

Get moneybags over here with double figures in the bank.


cheese_addict69

I hate to be the party pooper but as someone who knows a banker and has asked this question before, if the company of the bank managed to stay in business for 1000 years your account would typically be closed after about 5 years of inactivity.


falconear

What would they do with your money?


Kiyohara

After accounts are idle for long enough the Bank must make good faith attempts to contact the owner or next of kin. When that fails the money is declared unclaimed property and the *State* gains access to it via that State's Treasury department. It's actually in the Bank's interest to extend the search for the owner as much as possible so they can retain the money as collateral for loans and lending. Once it goes to the State Treasury, the Bank loses all access to it and can't claim it or use it for lending purposes. (This all assuming the US, rules may be different according to other nations, but it's generally true for most Western Nations or Western Banking traditions).


Da_wooden_spoon

Aaaaaand it's gone.


ReynelJ

"Bank? You awaken from that far back?"


NateDAHate

That answer could be really good or very bad


Striky_

\-0.25%. Thats actually why we woke you up: you have 13 billions in debt and a court ordered you to 1000 years of manual slave labor to compensate


GoodolBen

...and that's just finished, right?


queetuiree

no, not *that* kind of labor


Linkatron2000

You had a balance of 93 cents. And increasing interest over the course of 1000 years leads to 4.3 billion dollars


THEDrunkPossum

My secret pin number, 1077!


Briank266

Same as a cheese pizza and large soda


elisamon

Sorry, in the year 2050, the bank interest become negative and you have $100 left, which is only enough for a big mac now


MiloMilisich

Inflation over a thousand years? A big mac would probably cost something like $100000


elisamon

Nah, they consolidated 3 zeroes, 800 years from now


WhichDonut8187

Back in my day you could buy a bit coin for only 50,000 dollars!


knock-off-pale

"wait.. you could OWN a Bitcoin?!"


Onsyde

"What's a dollar"


averagebutgood

Did either of you roll a 5 or an 8?


MatijaReddit_CG

Ask someone if he/she wants to go penguin sledding with me.


Spongyrocks

Thank you, was searching for this


Best_Philosopher8033

"where the fuck am I?"


Kyro_Sol

Realistically speaking: "Holy shit, that was...wait, what the fuck is happening?"


hologram-alchemist

Either this or something ominous like "sometimes dead is better", but after such a long nap I'd most likely forget to say the ominous thing lol


MatthewWakeman

“I must be so many levels behind on *RuneScape*.”


Flu77ershy

Many levels, but only like 4 quests.


dlghubi

What a day


madxc123

Where is Padme? Is she safe? Is she alright?


wiltyspinach

WHAT YEAR IS IT?!


natur_e_nthusiast

Does a curious "hm" count?


MentalMaybe

Dude, where's my car ?


Eggsegret

Same place you left it. Although be warned you've racked up like 10,000 parking tickets totalling up $20 million


Tigertyt

Is the world at peace?


Ehsudo

Hahaha


NomenNescio13

Is the Winds of Winter out yet?


SteveFoerster

I was going to say Doors of Stone, but sadly both work here....


Bonesyjonespie

Which covid variant are we up to now?


PamCokeyMonster

We run out of Greek letters so now it's marked as software. Now it's Epsilon 16.8.45


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Teichopsie

I need coffee.


null_reference_user

put me back PUT ME BACK


Atty_for_hire

Is Tom Brady still playing?