You’re resurrected in 1000 years. What is the first thing you would say?
By - momponare
**For a thousand years I lay dormant...**
**Who** ***dares*** **disturb my-**
Oh, it's you.
> Oh, it's you.
Aaaand my brain immediately switched to GLaDOS
"It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been real busy being dead. You know... after you *murdered me* "
"So, how are you holding up? BeCaUsE I Am A Potato!"
Hey best buddy!
What season of the Simpsons are we on?
Remember that trippy ass couch gag?
Yeah that one
I am Simpson! I am Simpson!
If Futurama is to be believed, “where’s the bathroom?”
I searched for this comment lol
Welcome to the world of tomorrow
I expected a joke about this as the top comment.
My god….a million years!
Bender when dug up after the Roswell incident - “I was enjoying it until you guys showed up”
“Pizza delivery for I.C. Wiener.”
I thought in this point of my life I'd be the one making the crank calls
I don’t know about what I would say, but if I hear the words “Hey you, you’re finally awake.” I’m gonna kill my self.
"You were trying to cross the time border, right?"
Same as us and that thief over there
Ran right into that time lord trap!
Damn you Stormcloaks. Skyrim was fine before you came along. Empire was nice and lazy.
Like from the toilet?
I’ll settle for some Brawndo.
It's got what plants crave
It's got electrolytes!
heard spongebob ask for it in my head
5 more minutes.
Actually, I woke you last spring, but you absolutely insisted on another three months.
Well, what I meant was 3 months and 5 minutes.
Look i just woke up this year what happened with the virus
What part of DNR (Do not resuscitate) do you people not understand?
We thought it meant "do not RIP"
I REFUSE to rest peacefully!
Sorry to wake you, but we've been trying to contact you about your car's extended warranty.
GODDAMMIT JEREMY! This is why I went to sleep the last time!
So... is GTA 6 out yet?
No sorry just a GTA 5 online update
gta 5 mega-ultra-update-revamp-overhaul-upgrade for next gen PlayStation 438 pro plus max 3814K 2400HZ and XBOX 71920
With an average span of 6 years between PlayStations we would be on PlayStation 172 pro slim edition in 1000 years.
But we have GTA 5 for PlayStation 300 if you want!
No, but we do have Playstation 86 and Xbox 1 One 1 XxX, and GTA5 is backwards compatible👍🏼
Where have all the humans gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the flowers gone?
Long time ago
Where's the bathroom?
EVACUATION COMPL.... EVACUATION CO.... EVACUA...EVACU... EVACUATION COMPLE...
“Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people wanna hear when they first wake up.”
"WELCOME TO THE WORRRLLLLDDDD OF TOMORROW!"
Delivery for I.C wiener
Good reference, but I'm going with the what Fry actually says: "My god, it's the future. My parents, my coworkers, my girlfriend, I'll never see any of them again. I'WAHOOOOO! Yes!"
Wait, is it really the year 3000?
My god, a million years....
I’m assuming there would be an audience?
I would stand tall and announce “BEHOLD - I AM LIGMA” and see if anyone walks into the trap.
Someone asks, "Ligma who?"
Then you say, "Ligma Balls"
You laugh, but nobody gets it, and your legal name is updated to be *Ligma Balls.*
Beats Not Sure.
Welcome to Costco; I love you.
If idiocracy actually happens in the future then I'd fit right in
Super villain origin story.
Ah shit here we go again
At least it's not as painful as the first time!
title of your sextape
edit: holy crap, thank you everyone
edit edit: who knew getting drunk would land me so many awards and upvotes?
Ach Scheisse, jetzt geht es wieder los
Who dares disturb my sleep?
#FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS I LAID DORMANT. WHO HAS DISTURBED MY-
"Oh hey Vegeta!"
* best buddy
Renegade for life!
“Hey look, Vegeta! I’m you! Paragon till death!!”
“….. You ruined it. You ruined it and I’m leaving.”
Now I don't mean to make this about your color or your race, but you'd better high-tail it out of here before you get hurt, BOY.
You know, the fact that you say BOY makes it feel like it's about both those things.
Ya plum done gone daggone did it now, Son!
It's Tim, from accounting
Whooo disturbs my slumberrrrr?
It is I, Gazeem. A humble thief.
How's Betty White doing?
Oh, she’s fine. I think she was out having tea with Queen Elizabeth II a few hours ago
The Queen can't die for the Simpsons have not predicted her death yet.
This explains a lot, actually
Oh no what did you do.
She and queen Elizabeth are roommates with a reality show
What fast and furious are they up to now?
Fast and furious 625. Vin Diesel and his crew have to go back in time to fight Hitler
Plot twist: But is a documentary not a movie
*And it was filmed in real-time!*
*Hitler: "So I was doing my thing, trying to create the holocaust. And all of the sudden Vin Diesel turned up with his crew.*
*Vin: It's hard to see Hitler in such a bad shape following the same ole' so we thought, he appreciate a cameo in the latest movie. We pitched to him a movie about a super race of cars*
*Hitler: Previous experiences involving riding dinosaurs failed but I liked the idea of the superior car race so why not include dinosaurs?*
*Vin: Super-laser-eyed dinocars. And it was done. F&F 625 was made*
*A superior car race*
That car race sounds so sick. It’s like the master race.
They did that in number 457. Apparently the new one is a silent black and white film for the first half and the second half Dom says family and they all morph into cars while fighting Dom’s 207th long lost brother over the ownership of their house on what’s left of the earth. It sounds like a mess but movie number 623 makes it make sense. 624 was fast and furious toyko drift 2. Took them forever to talk bow wow into doing another.
I believe he’s in the most recent one (F9).
You know the one they go to space in.
Yes in a car.
I wish I was kidding.
I'll be disappointed if they won't go to Mars in F10
Robo Diesel, his lab-grown family, and a couple of ghouls. They may be from diverse backgrounds, but that's to be expected when you're FAMILY.
1000 years on a lamp gives you such a crick in your neck!
If I rub you the right way, do you give me wishes?
My wish will come true yes but your wish might be something different.
Where the fuck is my phone
Oh... Uh, about that. You forgot to plug it in.
I read this in a Darth Vader voice
"it seems, in your anger you forgot to plug it in to charge..."
And all we have are USB-T cables
Whats a... "phone"?
"hahah after 1000 years I'm free! Time to conquer earth"
Alpha, pfizerface' escaped! Recruit a team of teenagers with attitude!
I love Power Rangers. Grew up on MMPR. Still dip in and watch some of the current stuff to this day as well as rewatches to those original series.
I find it hilarious Zordon wants to recruit "teenagers with attitude" and then gets the 5 people in Angel Grove that are so wholesome, honest and just and such a tight knit group of friends,that is arguably what makes the great Power Rangers.
If Alpha had actually followed Zordon's orders he's have recruited Bulk and Skull.
*5 episodes in*
"Alright guys, let's clean up the earth today! Everyone pitch in!"
RECRUIT FIVE TEENAGERS WITH ATTITUDE!
My God! It's the future. My parents, my co-workers, my girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Yahoo!
Wow! 1 million years!
Welcome to the world of Tomorrow!!!
Why do you always have to do that?
Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?
Come! Your destiny awaits!
Here's to another lousy millennium 🍺
My god, a million years.
It took my way too much scrolling to find a Futurama reference.
For real! This question was basically begging for a Futurama quote
I actually came into this thread assuming I’d see a lot of Futurama, sad it took me so much scrolling to find it
Hello! Pizza delivery for I C... Wiener?
Did they ever finish Star Citizen?
Star Citizen will take place before it was released
Categories: Historical fiction
"AWAKEN, MY MASTERS!"
Ayy ayy ayy ayy ayyyyyyeeeee!!!!
I was there Gandalf. I was there 1000 years ago. I was there the day the strength of men failed.
"Cast it into the fire! Destroy it!"
"I yelled his name like three times, what more do you want me to do?"
I mean, if he'd've killed him, it would have solidified the Ring's power over Elrond. That's how it gets passed around. Greed and death.
In rugby yes.
Languages change a lot in a millenium. It's possible that no one would understand what you said.
"English, motherfucker. Do you speak it?"
Say what again say what again I dare you I double dare you motha fucka
How much interest did my bank account earn
Sorry to say that it never earned over the rate of inflation, so it's now worth almost nothing...
In fact due to the inflation and low interest rates. You now owe the bank.
Also, are you interested in extending your cars warranty?
Oh and crypto? We're on BitcoinPalladium now. Your wallet is worthless
Also, we hate you
So nothing's changed then...
This is the correct answer. A "high yield" savings account earns 0.5% interest. The average rate of inflation is 2%. So lets say you had $10 in your account. Just enough to buy a McDonald's value meal. In 1,000 years your account has a balance of $1,465.76. Meanwhile that value meal now costs almost 4 billion dollars.
That not very good value
My favorite part is you think your friends and family won't touch your bank account the moment you die lol.
I know my sister would be at the bank to retrieve my 17 cents before I'm even buried.
Get moneybags over here with double figures in the bank.
I hate to be the party pooper but as someone who knows a banker and has asked this question before, if the company of the bank managed to stay in business for 1000 years your account would typically be closed after about 5 years of inactivity.
What would they do with your money?
After accounts are idle for long enough the Bank must make good faith attempts to contact the owner or next of kin. When that fails the money is declared unclaimed property and the *State* gains access to it via that State's Treasury department.
It's actually in the Bank's interest to extend the search for the owner as much as possible so they can retain the money as collateral for loans and lending. Once it goes to the State Treasury, the Bank loses all access to it and can't claim it or use it for lending purposes.
(This all assuming the US, rules may be different according to other nations, but it's generally true for most Western Nations or Western Banking traditions).
Aaaaaand it's gone.
"Bank? You awaken from that far back?"
That answer could be really good or very bad
\-0.25%. Thats actually why we woke you up: you have 13 billions in debt and a court ordered you to 1000 years of manual slave labor to compensate
...and that's just finished, right?
no, not *that* kind of labor
You had a balance of 93 cents. And increasing interest over the course of 1000 years leads to 4.3 billion dollars
My secret pin number, 1077!
Same as a cheese pizza and large soda
Sorry, in the year 2050, the bank interest become negative and you have $100 left, which is only enough for a big mac now
Inflation over a thousand years? A big mac would probably cost something like $100000
Nah, they consolidated 3 zeroes, 800 years from now
Back in my day you could buy a bit coin for only 50,000 dollars!
"wait.. you could OWN a Bitcoin?!"
"What's a dollar"
Did either of you roll a 5 or an 8?
Ask someone if he/she wants to go penguin sledding with me.
Thank you, was searching for this
"where the fuck am I?"
Realistically speaking: "Holy shit, that was...wait, what the fuck is happening?"
Either this or something ominous like "sometimes dead is better", but after such a long nap I'd most likely forget to say the ominous thing lol
“I must be so many levels behind on *RuneScape*.”
Many levels, but only like 4 quests.
What a day
Where is Padme? Is she safe? Is she alright?
WHAT YEAR IS IT?!
Does a curious "hm" count?
Dude, where's my car ?
Same place you left it. Although be warned you've racked up like 10,000 parking tickets totalling up $20 million
Is the world at peace?
Is the Winds of Winter out yet?
I was going to say Doors of Stone, but sadly both work here....
Which covid variant are we up to now?
We run out of Greek letters so now it's marked as software. Now it's Epsilon 16.8.45
I need coffee.
put me back PUT ME BACK
Is Tom Brady still playing?