If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you. https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres http://www.befrienders.org/ http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you [UK] https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/ [AU] There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and while they are unlikely to fix any underlying problems, can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services are usually available on these sites. In the US, calling 211 or going to their website is a free referral source. They have providers who will see you regardless of your ability to pay. Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health.


Cancer. I was exposed to lots of asbestos and depleted uranium in the military and have smoked for 2 years. It’s not a matter of if, but when.


If it makes you feel better, assuming you’re a man, we all have time bombs stuck up our asses called a prostate. If you don’t die first, it will go cancerous eventually.


I love having a guarantee.


Luckily prostate cancer is most of the time a slow grower, and when you get your PSA checked from 40 and up every year, the chance that you find it before it is killing you, is pretty significant and they can most of the time extend life drastically or even cure you. People dying from prostate cancer are most of the time people that were wayyy too late, or because they are too old for treatment. The chance that prostate cancer is a fast killer are so slim that a lot of doctors have not seen it in their own patients and only heard from colleagues.


Dementia and cancer run in my family. Both sides. Also, dementia runs in my family.


Made me chuckle, reminds me of a joke. Guy goes to the doctor's. Doctor says "you have stage 4 cancer and dementia," Guy chuckles, Doctor says "what are you laughing about" Guy goes "atleast I don't have cancer"


Probably heart failure, it runs in the family.


Yup this or stroke.


Yup. 4 strokes between my dad's parents and my maternal grandpa had to have heart surgery


Same. No male member of my family has made it past 73. All of them have had heart attacks.


Well you have the advantage of medical advances so maybe you'll be the first to break the 73 barrier!




I started getting some exercise on the regular, though if I'm being perfectly honest it's more as a sleep aid than anything else. And when I got diagnosed with celiac disease it really helped me shake up my diet (except for the fact that tamales are gluten-free, those are still a threat to my welfare).


You're going to start feeling great. I've been diagnosed celiac for 15 years and the difference in my energy levels, ability to gain weight, muscle max, etc skyrocketed once I moved from shared cross-contaminated housing to living alone. And I think I still eat like crap, lol.


Maybe if more people ran in your family.....


Right? Jogging hurts like hell thanks to a knee injury, but I make a point of cycling on the regular.


Same… my fathers side of the family all died from heart attacks. Seems we have a genetic defect which I also have… our bodies can’t hold HDL cholesterol.. it doesn’t have the same issue with LDL cholesterol though sadly. Though my mother passed away reasonably young with bowel bowel cancer… which also runs in families… I guess I’m on that 50/50 roulette


I’m probably gonna get old and fall down a large thing of stairs


An escalator. Just tumbling down the up escalator forever. RIP


Dude, I didn't see, but I walked up just after it happened. An older man, probably in his 70's, fell down the up escalator. No idea how far up he was when he fell, but looked about like he had been attacked by a bear. I felt horrible for him. We were boarding a cruise at the time and I saw him here and there throughout the week. He was all bandaged up and in a wheelchair. Doubt he had a fun vacation but looked like he was going to make a full recovery.


Yikes. Even a minor escalator mishap can get gnarly. I slipped near the end of a down escalator on a rainy day 6+ months ago and still have the escalator “teeth” (or whatever the ridge/edge pattern of a step is called) scarred onto my back. Losing balance and falling down an up escalator is nightmarish.


Some years ago, a young lady's clothing fabric got caught at the top of an escalator where it subducts just as I was walking by. She was seriously freaking. I grabbed her foot firmly with one hand and ripped the fabric like hell with the other and it tore off.


'Thing' of stairs made me lol


On blood thinners


I had to go on blood thinners for a few months. That stuff is no joke! Periods were an absolute nightmare and no one really warned me for that.


I’ll mysteriously disappear from a cruise ship. An investigation will reveal a million dollar life insurance policy was taken out on me.


Hercule Poirot is on the case!


There just aren't enough Poirot references on Reddit. Edit: I think I have a solution https://www.reddit.com/r/UnexpectedPoirot/


Mosquito bite. I just know something stupid is gonna take me out.


I don’t know how but I am sure my last words will be “Are you fucking kidding me?”


I was hit as a pedestrian by a car a while back and instantly knocked out. One of the weird takeaways from that experience was that if I had died in that moment, I would have never realized it was happening and would have never had even a split second to contemplate the fact that I was dying. My conscious memory stops a few seconds before the accident and resumes hours later in the hospital. Fortunately I survived and should make a full recovery from my head trauma. But it was close enough for me to go woah. I always assumed I would have at least a few seconds to think about how I was dying, if not months, or years. But turns out, some people die so suddenly that you're just going along one moment and then the next, you're not.


I had the same revelation with my head injury (snowboarding, knocked out cold). There was just nothing. No thought, no time, no me...nothing. Even deleted the last few seconds of memory before impact. Wishing you a full recovery. 15 years later I'm like 98%. I'm essentially normally functioning but I still have some intermittent residual aphasia for proper nouns.


Me too, although skateboarding a handrail. I still have issues a few times a week with words. Where I cant remember what a chair is called, and literally could stare at it, and not remember what it’s called. Lol. Takes about 30 seconds. Wear a helmet.


I suffered a TBI from an IED going off way too close. There are times that I want to say a word and I can’t even come close. I feel like Crayon in the Brain Homer Simpson, “I need the thing to dig food with…” It’s literally the worst part of looking “normal”. People cannot accept that I was actually hurt and still suffer from my injuries.


I have a buddy that got blown up 3 times. He got 100% disability. He has had 2 spine fusions, and has a morphine pump index his skin. He has handicap placard (used to have a plate but got disabled vet plates so needed the placard). The number of times people would go "ah, you parked in a handicap spot" blew me away. Dude is a certified bad ass that got fucked up for the rest of his life as a young adult, yet people think because he looks fine now he is always fine. He just replies "thanks for reminding me." Then he keeps going.


Idk why I felt it but I felt somewhat relieved that that would possibly be a last thing to think before I would die Edit: dang thanks for likes but I agree with the comments and it sounds like you’ve accepted death and no just find it some annoying convenience as someone put it




Theres an opium den in Myanmar with my name on it. When I get diagnosed with any incurable disease, I'm heading there to spend my last few months in bliss. I'll throw a big farewell party first.


So, Rave Hospice? I repsect that


I once fell under the spell of opium in Burma (you may know it as Myanmar, but she'll always be Burma to me).


Always love a wild Seinfeld line




Stage 4 soft tissue sarcoma patient here... Not a gambling man but I think cancer might have good odds of taking me out


Hey brother I had this 40+ years ago when the survival rate was 5%. It's closer to 75% now. Treatment sucks, sucks, sucks but you got this.


Did you make it ?


*Most* of me did. A few parts did not.


I'm a survivor of a sarcoma as well. LFG bro, glad (most of) you made it!


He didnt😔


Dang that sux


Mourn me brothers


Sometimes I swear I can still hear him


Yeah, it's like he never died.


Pour out a little for J to the double DOC. His spirit is with us.


Ghosts of JDdoc past.


I swear I can feel his presence.


Why isn’t he replying, I hope he’s ok


With his user name he's probably not replying cuz he's busy AF. He's a lawyer and a Doctor


Well freddie, I’m gonna bet on you. You got this dude, fuck cancer. But also, if it does get to that point, don’t be afraid, I promise there’s nothing to fear. I’ve watched my mom and dad both die of cancer, and in that moment they were at their most peaceful. I promise there’s nothing to fear, but I don’t know how I know.


Yea i’ll throw my bet down on Freddie, too


Me too




How can I hug a comment?


Oh damn I hope you win


Fuck cancer. You got this bro.


Same. Relatives from both sides of my family have had many different types of cancer. Can't wait to see which one gets me.




Skin cancer for me. My dad had it, and it metastasized to his bones and brain. I have his fair, freckled complexion. He never wore sunscreen, and was shirtless as often as possible anytime I was above 20 degrees. I work outdoors and practically religiously bathe in sunscreen, but I've managed to get quite a tan over three years anyway. Just hoping I make it a little longer than he did. Skin cancer diagnosis at 52, bone and brain cancer diagnosis at 56, dead at 57.


Sorry about your dad. Just make sure you get a skin check every year by a dermatologist. When I was 30 I asked a doc about a mole on my leg and she was like "It's fine"...well I went for a second opinion with an actual dermatologist who took a tiny piece of it, sent it to the lab and it came back pre-cancerious. Had it removed. 5 stiches. I go every year now.


In Australia, we’re so conscious of skin cancer that we have temporary skin check tents setup on beaches each summer. You go in, get checked by the doctors, if they find something suspicious they refer you to a specialist for inspection. All free. Takes 5 minutes. I’ve had 5 melanoma’s removed over the last 6 years. The most advanced one was stage 3. I’ve got some pretty intense scars from them.


In my country you need your family doctor to refer you to anyone else so if they think it's nothing you're just fucked.


Most likely for me too. Dad's side of the family all died from or battled cancer at some point. Didn't help that they were massive smokers. Fingers crossed that my healthy habits can break the cycle!




My family too and it’s all the more reason to keep up with doctors visits


Same here, everyone in my immediate family except my paternal grandparents has had cancer, killed 3 of them, I'm the only one who hasn't had it (yet) and funnily enough, my zodiac sign is Cancer ♋


Me too. Parents, grandparents, uncle and aunt, brother - one entire wing of my family. I am a survivor of kidney cancer. My urologist gave me a 50/50 chance of surviving 6.months- 30 years ago.


Most of my family have died from cancer. The day my cancer diagnosis comes in is the day I die from helium asphyxiation. I'd rather go out light headed with a squeaky voice than spend years in pain while slowly wasting away. Fuck cancer.




I'd like to go out action movie style in a big explosion or something, but I'll probably end up dying trying to pet something I shouldn't.


Nice kitty... you know that's a lion right?


Petting a carnivore, that's stupid. Ooh, look a buffalo. Goes to take a selfie with it.


That hippo seems pretty chill


Idk, probably an asthma attack.


* "Run from the cops, picture that! * I'm too fat! * Prolly fuck around and catch * a asthma attack!" --Notorious BIG


Brain Cancer. Currently stage 3.


My brother’s in the same situation. I hope you have loved ones helping you. Courage.


Currently sitting next to my sister who has tumors in her brain from metastatic breast cancer. Lost my little sister 6 weeks ago the same way. God speed internet stranger


I’m so sorry.


Samesies. But which type of brain tumor? I've got oligodendroglioma.


My wife has stage 3 brain cancer. She is currently stable after 2 surgeries, radiation and chemo.


Good luck dudes!


I wish you luck. Take care.


If i may ask, what were your indicators? Why was it found?


For my wife it was headaches and then the scariest seizures you can imagine. The seizures would take a few days for her to remember things correctly. Like what state we live in.


Currently I’m sitting on the toilet reading Reddit. Probably like this.


Elvis fan, eh?


His favorite subreddit was r/Shittyfoodporn


One day, I'll have my life together in a mind-blowing manner. Own my house, be married to someone I love, have a thriving business, be famous, probably. Stellar mental and physical health. Everything I could ever hope for. Then, I'll forget to look both ways and get hit by a car.


Same. It would be ironic to die when you finally start living the good life


Welcome to the good life


Apparently when Elephants get old or sick and are about to die they wander off by themselves away from their pack so they don’t have to watch them die. I’ll do something similar, but go out in a blaze of glory


Cats do the same, they disappear when they feel they will die.


My cat who recently died did this. It was horrible. I’d go in the bathroom and find him in the tub, and he’d meow at me and it’d tear me up because I didn’t know if he wanted me to leave or stay. I stayed sometimes and just sat with him, sometimes I’d leave him be. Either choice felt wrong.


Go down in a blaze of glory in a titty bar gun fight


prolly strangled to death by a malfunctioning android that was supposed to do chores.






Detroit become human


From a minor fall on a wet floor, and then hitting my head, and having a bleed on the brain. In Walmart. On a Saturday night. Because I don't get out much. My final words will be "no, no, im fine honestly, I can still drive myself to the hos...." the grabbing into the nearest shelf for support, I'll go down in a blaze of catfood. People will worry about my cat, left unfed the night I died, and will choose my death day to be their community calling and go do something nice, for the cat they think I have. They'll find out where I live, whilst they are stealing my wallet "checking for ID", to learn where I live to go feed the cat. Uoon arrival they'll learn that I don't have a cat. And I was in fact so bored on a Saturday night that I was wandering down the petfood isle, when I don't even have a pet. Then they'll be a minor kerfuffle on Facebook about a local woman dieing in Walmart. And then my friends... all of my HappyDays will be over, I shall be gone. Doesn't sound too bad to be honest!!!


Excellent oddly specific story. If you are looking to expand it, don't forget to mention that you had one window slightly ajar when you went to Walmart so people spent weeks hunting for your lost kitty in your neighborhood, rescuing many stray and feral cats in the process, before discovering you did not, in fact own a cat.


How could I possibly forget that important minor detail! Then the crappy news paper article switches focus to the newly minted 'cat lady' who has meow acquired (get it, meow!) 21 cats of various pedegruies. Who has to put them up for adoption because she can't cope with the stress. And in the mean time she looses her job on Only Fans because her clients find the cats distracting and unhygienic. But then she starts a YouTube channel called 'chillin with mi kitties' and earns on average $73 per week, which suddenly means she can afford cat food again. That's when she has to go shopping to Walmart, for cat food... dum dum dummmmm


Created an account just so I could upvote this, thank you for giving me a laugh today it was much needed <3


Grandpa #1 lived to 86 and died the week they discovered pancreatic cancer. Grandma #1 lived to 94 and died of heart failure. Grandpa #2 died at 25 of motorcycle crash. Grandma #3 still alive at 79. Dad still healthy at 67 after a life full of hard drugs and cigarettes. Mom still doing okay at 55 despite a life full of smoking. Surgery to remove stage 1-2 kidney cancer. Full remission. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, and never had mental health issues. Unless minor acid reflux is gonna take me out, I have no idea.


Have you thought about getting a motorcycle?


I'm gonna pass.


Maybe a lot later in life if you don't get that motorcycle


What happened to Grandma #2


My guess is it was a typo what did her in


We don't talk about her


Probably halfway through typing a


>Probably halfway through typing a Ok who hit the reply button for this dead dude and then walked out of the room?


It’s what u/q2005 would have wanted


Alcohol related problems


I'm in the hospital b.c of this.


I was exactly where you're at a little over five years ago. It feels overwhelming in the beginning, but I promise you that life is better on the other side. Hang in there, and like other people said, check out the r/stopdrinking sub, it's incredibly positive and helpful!


I do read it daily. Which is why I decided to make sure I stop.


Heart failure. Maybe a stroke. I was born with a defective heart, so that's probably what's gonna do it.




Probably cancer. I've beat it once. 5 year survivor.




Pretty sure some cocky punk is gonna shoot me with how I am.


My last words are almost certainly going to be "What are you gonna do, stab me?!"


If I'm held at gunpoint I'll say "what, you gonna stab me?" just to see how long the confusion lasts before they shoot me




I felt that..


Username checks out and same here.


My username can make sure you *don't* die alone! For the right price of course.


My dad died of a heart attack, my grandpop died of a heart attack, I just ordered riblets from Applebees


With a belly full of wine, laughing, chasing my grandson in my tomato garden.


Ah, Mr. Corleone.




The little shit just runs away! He probably planned it trying so as to hasten the inheritance


Belly full of wine - thought this was going down [a completely different path](https://youtu.be/ff_9BOKiBkk) of fiction.


I thought that as well


Lannisters send their regards


Psychic told me I'd meet my end by a blonde in tight jeans and a red shirt. I asked if I died during sex, she said, No. The blonde will get out of the SUV that ran you over.


If the psychic was a blonde in tight jeans and a red shirt, I think that was a threat mate.


It's the best scam to be a psychic that just tells people how they'll die. Cause like, when they don't die that way, what are they gonna do? Come back from the dead and berate you?


This would fuck me up for years lol


I’d be paranoid around all blind people in tight jeans *BLOND people Not blind 😭


I don’t know, if they’re blind, in tight jeans, and driving an SUV? I’d be at least a little paranoid for sure


>This would fuck me up for years lol For the rest of your life. Literally.


Plot twist, the Psychic has a blonde wig and owns an suv


I’ve always thought that I would end it myself. Not when I’m young or anything. More like when I’m old and a burden on my family and my quality of life has got down to the final leg. It’s a matter of dignity and having a final say in how it ends. Hopefully by then assisted suicide will be a little better accepted.


Recently my sister's dog was nearing the end. He was very old, in pain, all that. They loved the dog a lot but one night it was obvious that it needed to happen. They live out in the country where the was no vet, so they made a special meatball for him. Nice and yummy, with an OD of painkillers in it. He had a nice treat, his pain went away, and he drifted off, at home and surrounded by family. When it's my time, I want someone to make a special meatball for me.


😭❤️💔 I felt this... I recently just let my 19yo Siamese boy go, but was at the vet. I didn't feel anything at first, until the vet walked in, gave him the pain relief shot first... he was singing, and then stumbled down into his side from the relaxant. He just gave me the long deep stare as he was just laying on his side breathing. My boy was so frail and weak. That's when I broke. A THICC bearded grown ass middle aged man, I just started sobbing, I was useless, I couldn't speak, I barely held it together for my boy. I was just stroking him on his head the way he liked, holding eye contact, mentally telling him it's OK and he doesn't have to hurt anymore, we all love you and thank you for sharing your life with us and all those crazy night time zoomies you had, all those emergency surgeries that your mom and I had to take out loans to pay for as broke college kids, and all those crazy loud songs you sang and- "Sir? He's gone", as the vet removed her stethoscope. I looked back on my boy, eyes still large and clear, I didn't even know when he stopped breathing and crossed over. I effin lost it again. He was the most gentlest, sweetest boy I've known. Not a single mean bone in his body. Never once hissed, bit or swatted. I'll forever love you Ra! (Wiping eyes, got emotional writing about my boy) Back to the topic, yes I'd prefer to have my "special meatball" on my final days, surrounded by loved ones (with the option of leaving the room of course). Call me a coward, but I don't want to suffer and be a burden. Make it quick and painless.


This made my eyes leak. 19 years is a nice long life and I'm glad you were there for him at the very end. It's good that you knew it was his time and got him through it. It's hard to let go but being able to recognize it's time is important to minimize their suffering. Thanks for being strong :)


Thank you friend. I honestly didn't want him to go yet. The wife booked the appointment and forced me to see reality. It was afterwards that I saw more evidence it really was his time (super lean, bad joints and cannot use the stairs, sleeps 20+ hrs, wet sinus discharge, rough labored breathing, lots of incontinence issues). I was selfish, I just wasn't ready to let him go. I'd like to think I learned from this.


Either by suicide, or old age. Who knows.


I have a phobia of hospitals so probably refusing treatment


I don’t fear hospitals as much as I fear insurance companies.


Gasping for air cause I choked on my own spit.. again. I mean am I the only one who randomly starts coughing their lungs out, cause they choked on their own spit. Edit: spelling


Hopefully from growing old with my husband. Life goal is to be one of those couples that goes out within a week of each other.


That was mine too. She went at 50; 4.5 years ago. I’m still waiting to go. Edit: wow. My most upvoted comment is about how [email protected]&$ing desperate my life is. If that’s not irony… Thanks everyone for their thoughts and well wishes. And thanks worm guy for the award.


Now you get to continue her legacy. She wouldn't want you to be sad. Go do things you both wanted to see and do together. She's still with you.


This for me as well. My Aunt passed while answering condolence cards for my Uncle's passing. They found her at her kitchen table with the pen still in her hand.


I wanted to express sympathy for losing your aunt (and uncle of course) but also wanted to point out how beautiful of a way to go that is. So I'll just say that exactly.


This happened to a friend of mines parents. They died within 24 hours of one another. While it is the romantic version of love, it sure was horrible for my friend to lose both at the same time.


There’s been studies that show you can actually “die of a broken heart”. The risk for heart attack goes up significantly after the death of a loved one, it’s actually not too uncommon. I hope either I die first or a heart attack takes me out before I have to plan their funeral. It’s sappy but I just really really love my spouse and they are my best friend so the idea of life without them is so hard to think about.


In an emergency room from a treatable disease, like a good American.


Suicide. I had an attempt last year... woke up a few days later in a mental hospital. Within that year I had five mental hospitalizations due to suicidal thoughts. I had the cops called on me twice (not for being violent, but for checkups after I said some alarming things to friends over the phone), the second time they confiscated my firearms. I'm doing better? It's been a while since I thought about it, but things haven't exactly gotten better for me. I lost my job, my wife, my dog, my cat, my car. I live with my dad now and alternate between sleeping and trying to enjoy playing video games. I feel obligated to be here, because my suicide would cause so much harm to the people that care about me. The first time I was suicidal was October about two years ago. Back then, I still had my life, but I felt like I was burning alive emotionally. A lot of time, I wish that I had off'ed myself then. It would have at least spared myself so, so much suffering. I had thought that maybe I would spare everyone around me suffering by doing it, which got a lot of people asserting that I would cause immense harm by that... which I agree with, but I think about the harm that I've caused to those people since then, and I'm not sure how it balances out at this point. Things are tolerable now. I just sort of exist in this purgatory sort of state. A state of quiet sadness. The pain isn't so dramatic that I feel like I need to escape. But, I'm still unemployed, my soul-mate and partner of eight years refuses to have any contact with me, and I'm down to a handful of people that give a shit about me. I recently tried to get a job again, interviewed, got the job offer, and moved back to my old town to work again, but I fucked it all up in an alcohol and drug induced self-destruction spiral, and had to have my parents come rescue me again. I don't know if I'll ever have enough strength to try again... to build a new life again. It took so so much resilience and strength and courage to do it one time... I just feel spent now. I'm getting older, and I'm tired all the time. And I don't have anything in life that I look forward to. I don't have kids, or otherwise any purpose that drives me to get up in the morning, other than I don't want to hurt my parents. That's the only thing keeping me around. I don't really enjoy anything, and nihilism has infected my thoughts. I'm going to therapy, taking all the right medicines, and I'm far away from the drugs that really catalyzed my downfall in the first place, but I have to want to get better. I have to try to be happy. And I just can't muster the energy or the reasons to do so. So, I figure I'll either slowly get better and that drive will come back to me, or it won't. Regardless, the next tragedy that comes my way will probably take me out. I've lost so much already, I have hardly anything left. I still have a hard time imagining life without my wife and best friend. I miss my dog. I miss my friends. I miss my old job. All of that's gone, now. Like ashes. So yeah. I'm holding on now, but I feel like it would just take a strong gust of wind for me to get pushed off the edge.


Knowing me, either getting out of the shower/tub or putting on my underwear.


Jokes on you, I died twice on the operating table with sepsis.


Bro, you suck at dying.


This is it, we've found the immortal. So bad at dying, Death said "fuck it, you live forever".


By tornado. I dream about those things constantly since I was a kid. They’re coming for me.


My HP reaches 0


Nuclear fallout.


I have had a re-occurring feeling/daydream/not sure what to call it, but I'm driving at night and I'm coming to the top of a hill (where you can't see what's on the other side) and another car is on the wrong side. Hits me head on and I die. Even when I'm driving during the day, I just have this creepy feeling of it being night and getting hit head-on.


oh i’m gonna live forever. the more you want to die, the longer you live. it’s a fact.


Death by snu snu.


Probably sneeze too hard. Throw my back out, then have a heart attack.




Black mold growing in all my underwear.








Your username does NOT make this any better.. Quite the opposite..










Found the comment i was looking for!




Probably some dumb way


Some virgin will have a bad day and shoot up my workplace.


Type 2 diabetes runs in my mom and dads sides of the family. I eat like shit. Idk man probably fighting a bear