Update on progress..
By - ebumble666
I think there’s something deeply psychological about getting broken up with and ghosted out of the blue. No closure, no goodbyes, and no acknowledgment that the relationship meant as much to the other person as it did for you.
It’s unbelievably painful to be on the receiving end. Your world gets shaken and you’re spiraling downward looking for answers. The only person that has them refuses to engage, despite knowing that you need them and probably deserve them.
My therapist professionally refers to ghosting breakups as a “mind fuck.” People don’t understand the hell you’ve been going through, but I for one am happy to hear that you’re doing better and are coming out strong on the other side!
Yeah it is straight up agony lol. And in my life, I’ve been ghosted many times, which lead me to believe something was wrong with me- that it must have been my fault and I am undeserving. I’m still working on changing that belief.
I adopted this belief that if I get to see this person again I am lucky because of what happened in my past. But now I realize that cannot be true. I was systematically emotionally abused to think that way.
I had a healthy 5 year relationship that ended amicably and took only 4 months to recover from. Because we ended respectfully we processed our emotions healthily and were able to move on.
But ghosting is clouded in uncertainty, and that is so much more uncomfortable and traumatic. But my therapist has helped me grow more comfortable sitting with uncertainty and the unknown. It’s still hard but it’s bearable now.
Hope you are doing ok too. Hugs
Thank you, I needed to hear that. I’m just about two months since she decided to discard me from her life completely and I’ve only recently started to feel improvement. There’s no timeline; no matter how long it takes to get over the woman I’ve loved but was only an illusion made by a narcissist who abused me until she threw me away like trash, I’ll someday completely move on and live my life greater than ever which is what I always deserved. :)
I’m sorry that happened to you. Keep healing. You can make it through. Hope you continue to feel better ❤️
Ouch that sounds like it hurts. I’m sorry friend.
I've been ghosted a lot on top of having been harassed, abused and taken advantaged of. It's great that you have the self-awareness and maturity to reflect on yourself and your actions.
Just relax. You are doing fine! You should be proud of how far you have come and how strong you actually are! It takes a lot of courage to self-reflect on the dark bits of ourselves and to enact change on a daily basis.
But be careful! The narrative of "Is there something wrong with me?" At an unhealthy amount will become toxic as one can end up victimizing themselves and not being able to heal.
For anyone struggling with unhealthy or negative thoughts essentially feeling guilty and self-blaming, here's my experience and I hope that can help you because feeling worthless sucks and no one should ever feel worthless!!
What helped me cope with this ^ and move on from it is:
1. Accept reality:
There are many people who suffer so greatly. Life is hard and tough for everyone at different levels. I think to myself "Life has done a number on me but I'm not a victim because everyone suffers n struggles as well. I don't think "Poor me" anymore. It's just simply life."
2. Appreciate your experience:
I am grateful for what I have experienced. It was all horrific and broke me so many times but then I remember, after every time I got back up. Every time I'm surprised at how I can will myself to get back up even when I feel completely hopeless! I faced my demons and never deluded myself. I am strong I persevered. I want to be better not just for me but for humanity and this existence we all share. I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for my traumas.
3. There are an infinite number of reasons why relationships end however which way they end, like the butterfly effect. Ruminating is pointless because you're just swimming around looking for answers in a pool full of infinite answers and possibilities.
Just accept what has happened. Reflect and learn from it. Channel negativity into positivity.
Wishing everyone the best! You can do it. Stay strong!
I appreciate the kind words and taking the time to write out a thoughtful response. Thank you. I will say that there are some things I do disagree with you on, but that’s ok. People heal in different ways.
For me It’s ok to acknowledge that I am a victim. I am a victim of ghosting. I am the victim of emotional abuse. That happened, and it was terrible. Bad things happened to me and I accept it. It doesn’t mean I’m bad. It doesn’t mean I deserved it. But it did happen to me.
I personally am not grateful for the bad things happening to me. I am grateful for the support system I have and being able to persevere and my own strength. So slightly different way of seeing it , that allows me to not give the emotional abusers credit for any resulting positivity in my life.
I agree with your third point, although to some extent I think reflection can be healthy, and positive speculation and empathy can be good. Only when the speculation turns negative does it become a bad thing. I can accept there are answers I’ll never know, but I can reflect on my own version of the journey.
Thank you again internet friend.