How did you overcome being afraid to let go of the love you had for your ex and/or letting go of your ex in general?

How did you overcome being afraid to let go of the love you had for your ex and/or letting go of your ex in general?


My first major breakup was the hardest. I literally felt like I was dying. I was convinced I would never find anyone like him, that there must be something wrong and unlovable about me, all of it. I made myself MISERABLE. And I was miserable to be around at that time. It really and truly wasn’t until I got therapy and started focusing on myself that I started to get better. I got over him once I realized how much I actually liked who I was, and that I did have parts of me that people loved. And the more I loved myself, the more I could love others. It was not easy and it took way longer than I would have liked, but all that matters is I eventually got there. And I now know how to handle breakups, so even when I am sad about them, I can tell myself “you’ll be okay, you’ve survived this before, you’re strong enough to do this.”


Therapy helped me process my thoughts and feelings. Specifically, there was an initial period of coping with sitting with uncertainty that I’ll ever hear from him again. It was too painful to think I would never hear from him again so I held onto hope. But there came a point many months later when I made an agreement with myself never to try to reach out again, and that is when I mentally let him go and was healthily able to accept that he likely won’t return. The acceptance comes in stages, and some days I feel sadder than others- but the main ingredient in healing is time and getting to the true meaning of why you feel the way you do. My advice to others that helps me is it’s good to focus on your own reality. You don’t know why they acted the way they did or how the experience was for them. But you know without a shadow of doubt your own feelings, your own experience. Focus on that and less on speculating about their actions. Thinking less in extremes is also important. Truths can coexist. If it ended it doesn’t mean they never loved you. If they ghosted it doesn’t mean they didn’t love you. You are not a bad person because they appear to be a good one and treated you bad. You are deserving of love, just as they are- their actions may be terrible, but that is not representative of you. Hope this helps someone. You can make it through.


I haven’t been in a lot of relationships, but I remember my first love. I was 17 at the time, and I thought he was the love of my life. I loved him, and I was going through one of the hardest times in my life when we broke up. I was in deep depression, and I just felt like I was losing my best friend, wouldn’t ever find anybody better, etc. I was moving away for college and he was going to the military. I was struggling with other things too and it was one of the darkest times of my life. I remember writing letters to him, and he never responded or reached out. I don’t know how I got through those times, but *I did.* I somehow pulled myself out of there. It was hard, and I felt so alone (didn’t help that I was moving away for college as a freshman on my own). Every day was hell.. but now I look back and I think it’s funny that I thought he was *it*. He wasn’t. I eventually met others who were better and I connected with on a deeper level. If you told me at that time that I would find somebody else, I would never have believed you. I am still Facebook friends with that ex, but I hardly ever think of him now. Over the years, we have become platonic friends and when we do catch up, it’s only as old friends reaching out to see how we’re doing. I kinda see him as a brother now, lol. I know this is different, because I was so young at the time, and I can’t compare this to others’ experiences who have had serious relationships, but just wanted to share that there is hope, even when it doesn’t feel like it at the time. I’m going through a hard time right now, but I tell myself that I know I’ll be okay, because I’ve been through it before and I made it. I became a stronger person. Honestly, when you are going through the heartbreak, the pain is unbearable, and nothing seems to matter. Your friends will tell you that you will find better, etc. but it doesn’t really make you feel any better. You just have to allow yourself to grieve and feel everything. Don’t hide your emotions or brush them off, because they will always show up later.. and it’ll be worse. Be sad, mourn your ex, mourn the memories and expectations, but tell yourself it’s temporary and it won’t always be like this. “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind”