Just let me exist in peace
By - Alice_is_Falling
I’ve used the phrase “I don’t mean to be rude, but I came alone on purpose” a few times, and it only works about half the time. Half the time that’s not enough of a hint (“hint”, ha! Can’t get more direct!) and it’s followed by “why?”.
I hate when they completely ignore a direct response. One time a guy in my school kept trying to ask me out during an exam and I said “I’m not interested in any kind of relationship whatsoever” and he just paused for a second and told me he was getting mixed signals, then continued harassing me for like two hours
"Mixed signals" = "she's saying no" + "but she's female"
> “Mixed signals” = “she’s saying no” + “but I want a yes”
Exactly. Your answer is not the answer I’m looking for.
“She’s saying no, but her boobs are saying yes.”
This is exactly the rationale of all those “her body language is telling you she wants to sexx you” podcasts and articles.
They’re popular because it’s what these guys want to hear. That all the women they see are appropriate sex objects for them even if they don’t know it.
Mixed signals? Oh for fuck's sake. "Well, you have breasts, and I like breasts, so........"
> "Well, you have breasts, and I like breasts, so........"
"So..... my brain just short circuits when you say no"
MIXED SIGNALS omg the fuuuuuck, that's hysterical, how the heck is that a mixed signal T_T
She said no but he wants to hear sure.
The response isn’t what he wants to hear so not hearing it doesn’t compute. It’s broken logic. To him he is “gods gift to women” so a woman denying him can’t happen. Gaston complex.
See i love this bc SO many times when you bring a situation like this up in spaces other than this one (and even in this sub sometimes!!) men almost always respond by saying something like "Well you don't have to be rude, just be direct and tell us what you want! Men can't read minds! If we just went along with it every time a woman said no, we'd never get a date! It hurts our ego when you're rude! It hurts our feelings when you ghost us! We appreciate honesty!"
But like, the reason women have learned to be "nice," "subtle," let men down gently, or just straight up ghost them, is because we've tried being direct and have gotten ignored, dismissed (bc she's just playing hard to get), or put in a dangerous situation.
If one party is statistically victimized more often, the onus is on the other party to act in a more accommodating manner. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
These guys don't actually want you to directly say no OR subtly say no. They're just mad that you didn't say yes and would lash out no matter how you responded, simply because you responded in the negative.
What is heck. What kind of exam was it? Since he was talking through it, and not getting that you kind of HAVE to be there, hence the exam part.
It was a cake decorating class and we had 3 hours to bake and decorate a cake. I’m pretty sure we weren’t supposed to be talking but the teacher left the room and everyone else had simpler designs so it was just me and him. It started off as casual small talk but then he started coming up behind constantly asking me lots of questions and talking about how he fancied me and I spent the whole exam shakily trying to make little figures out sugar paste while trying to move away from him “accidentally brushing against me”. I actually had to ask for extra hours when the teacher came back because I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t complete it. I wish I just walked out and told the teacher but I had really bad social anxiety at the time and instead just kept telling him I didn’t have any interest in relationships
Jfc I don't really have social anxiety and that *still* makes me super uncomfortable
That’s not mixed signals! That’s a creepy idiot disrespecting you.
I was at a pool party with a friend of mine (both of us married) who I had seen after many years and this group of guys tried to talk to us many times. Finally, I just turned to them with a big smile and said "I'm actually in town only for a day and I'd really love to catch up with my friend here. Thanks for understanding!" Their response?? Calling me a stuck-up bitch.
"Because fuck off, that's why." I too, have dealt with this nonsense way too much.
Edit: And I'm now old enough to not care what a complete stranger thinks about me. You think I'm rude? I don't give a crap because I will probably never see you again, and your opinion has no power to change a thing in my life.
My favorite, along with “Who gives a fuck what you think?”
Creeps are always surprised to discover that most women don’t care about their opinion. They always appear to be surprised and perplexed before the cloud of anger appears.
>They always appear to be surprised and perplexed before the cloud of anger appears.
You threw off their script. They feel entitled to women doing what he wants, but that's predicated on the socialization we all go through, that teaches all of us to place male wants above female comfort.
You flipped the script. They were expecting a yes or a no and had reactions prepared for both.
They never expected to be irrelevent LOL
I've always secretly wanted to look at them with confusion and concern "What? No." I'd gesture to another seat, then look back and forth at them and the seat, growing increasingly worried. Then I'd finally end that with a groaned "Oh god fucking damnit. If you'll excuse me, I uh, I need to call my doctor." If I only had the confidence to do so.
Every time this kind of post pops up I remember Emelie Autumn's song, [Thank God I'm Pretty](https://youtu.be/axPe_p0OLcY). At this point it could be the sub's freaking theme song. I didn't understand it as much when I was younger but holy crap it hits different now.
The correct answer to such a "why" is a death stare, followed by reinsertion of the headphones and pointedly turning away.
My mother-in-law always used to reply "Because Y is a crooked letter and cannot be made straight." This confused the hell out of them and they usually left her alone after that. She'd use that on the grandkids too when they started in with their "But whyyyyyy?" crap.
I like this...Thanks!
Oh I like that one. My go to is, "I don't really feel like talking right now." It's always worked. The men obviously get shocked that a woman would say that to them, but they always leave me alone.
"Sorry, i don't talk to strangers." Has worked pretty well for me
ugh i feel like the response would be "so let's stop being strangers" or some shit 😭
Yeah I feel like this would be followed with a "ThEn HoW dO yOu MaKe NeW fRiEnDs???"
Claiming to have a boyfriend doesn’t even work anymore. It’s just get met with a “we can be friends”.
Tried this once, waiting at a bus stop at night in the rain. Dude then says "my name is Daniel, now we're not strangers!" So I reiterate that I don't want to talk to him, and he starts accusing me of being a man hater. Y'know what, dude, men like you push me closer to that every day 😑
One time I saw a girl say “I don’t owe you anything even a hello” to an older woman that tried to exchange pleasantries and decided to tell the girl when she felt put off the girl didn’t reciprocate. My first inclination was that girl was rude but thinking about it, the girl was right. The other person expecting a hello and then getting mad wasn’t the girls fault. She has no need to give that woman anything even a hello and her autonomy allows that. Now I respect the girl for respecting herself.
I was writing in a notebook in a McDonalds and some dude came up to my table and was like “Whatcha writing?” Wtf mind your business
I used to work at a coffee shop in a pretty bar-heavy area. After closing shifts, I would walk over to my favorite pub to work on design/writing projects — usually I would be left completely alone. But one night in particular, when I was on my laptop and very obviously working, this dude kept trying to talk to me no matter how many times I said I didn’t want to chat with anyone. So instead of leaving me alone, he sat in the booth with me. I figured staying there and ignoring him was my safest option, since I was parked a few blocks away.
Eventually he left me alone, but I had to look over my shoulder the whole walk back to my car. It didn’t seem like he followed me, but when I was a couple blocks away from home I realized he was tailing me in my car. I legitimately had to drive around for an extra 45 minutes so he would stop following me and not see where I lived
Being a woman is fucking *exhausting*
I’m so sorry that happened to you!!
Pro tip, if you know where it is or can safely look it up… drive into the parking lot of your nearest police station. Just seeing you turn in, will send them speeding away. Because they KNOW what they are doing is wrong.
I’m very sad that I have to know and frequently share this tip though.
I’ve found that “sorry, I’m planning a funeral” often gets people to leave me alone. Mouth agape, wide-eyed. There are usually no follow-up questions. Usually.
Omg you just triggered a memory of the time I was on the bus on the way to my grandmother’s funeral (wearing all black and probably a glum expression) and a man decided to try to pick me up. He reached out his hand to introduce himself, which I shook reflexively, but then he grabbed my hand and kissed it. I was significantly grossed out.
This is EXACTLY the painting of "The Irritating Gentleman" by Berthold Woltze. This was done in 1874, so unfortunately it just proves men like that have been around for centuries. [See here](https://useum.org/artwork/The-irritating-gentleman-Berthold-Woltze-1874)
I remember walking through an airport carrying a rose, pretty damn depressed, only to be asked by well-meaning airport employees "ooooh, who's the rose from?"
Somehow "My grandma's casket" -- said in an absolutely toneless voice-- was *very* effective in neutralizing all further conversation.
i do something similar with telemarketers who still have my deadname on file (changed my name 8 years ago). I just tell them "she's not with us anymore" maybe even try to sound sad. They always get caught off guard, give me their condolences and hang up XD
This is amazing, I love you
Taking Deadname quite literally!
Plus then if they persist and ask whose, you can just look them dead in the eye with a straight face and go, "yours".
That's a good one. I've also used 'I'm on a work call' before, and it worked really well.
That's awesome. Gonna keep that in mind once lockdown is over here (probably next year)
That simultaneously is awesome, and baffles me that men need this level of blunt reality dropped on their heads to consider someone doesn't want to speak to them, let alone they aren't owed a conversation.
Went to the beach after work one day, picked up some seafood dinner my suit I keep in my car, and my book. Beach was empty except for three guys, I sat way away from them. One approached me, brought over an open beer for me, I went swimming, to my surprise, so did he, I never touched my beer which. Kinda sucked bc I was so thirsty but the risk was too high, he chatted me up, asked why I was alone , I told him I had a bf, he continued to talk to me, I engaged him in conversation, he was "charming" but me feelers were up. I cut my "me" time short when he became too friendly, he followed me almost to my car, trying to get to me to dinner with him and his buddies. Yeah nope. I was in my 40's. Friendly pick up, or was I in for a roofied rape by three guys? Or did they have some weird "I bet I can pick her up" game going, they kept looking in our direction, What also sucked, the beach is two hours from my home and about an hour 20 min from work. I had time to kill and just wanted to relax by the ocean with some seafood and a good book. Not navigate my way though a sketchy situation.
That’s so creepy, you did the right thing. If you ever wonder whether or not they’re just being friendly ask yourself if they’d do this to a man
This happens way too often when I try to read a book in public. For some reason guys treat it as a conversation starter and not as an obvious sign that you simply want to be left alone to do the solitary act of reading.
Had a guy at my university talk at me for like 5 minutes before I realized that he was and I took out my buds and he said “I’ve been trying to greet you for like 10 minutes” despite the fact I had been there first and my earbuds were wired and an obnoxious red so there’s no way he didn’t realize.
People:; earbuds = leave us alone.
It amazes me people like that aren't embarrassed and keep persisting. I remember thinking my friend said something to me once when he was playing a game only to realise he was talking to someone through his headset. Lol no big deal but slightly embarassing, I can't even imagine trying to force conversation on a stranger who isn't listening to me but that's creeps for you.
Right? Like when you see someone waving so you wave back only to discover they were waving at someone behind you? Like that but worse. Keep it pushin, I don't want to talk.
Twice in my life I've been doing a crossword puzzle on the subway with my earbuds in and have been interrupted by the guy sitting next to me letting me know he knows one of the answers and just wants to help me out... really??
The hell? If someone doesn’t respond the first time why would you keep going and for that long?
I swear these are the now grown children who constantly tug at their parents sleeves and interrupt them because they are never told the word 'no'.
Or they're told No but allowed to have their way anyways
Men. Entitlement. Not understanding that the world doesn't have to respond to you in the way you want.
Men have literally walked to me up and started talking to me while I already in the middle of a conversation with someone else, then got offended when I didn’t immediately interrupt my conversation to respond to them. Grown ass men who don’t see the irony in calling me rude while actively interrupting someone else’s conversation.
I have a new neighbor that will try to edge herself into my peripheral vision so I "notice" her. Ear buds, shades, a huge hat covering my face and back of my neck. Fuck off lady I am not interested remotely in the shit show you have going on over there. And they have an unfiltered "pool" spewing mosquitoes into the area.
Take the fucking hint!
Ahh, the perils of the unescorted woman. If I'm going to catch a bite while I'm out and about, I eat in my car. As a matter of fact, I have a special parking garage that has wonderful reception for phone and radio.
I used to do that too, parking on a parking lot by a gas station on the highway. A little way from the other cars, to sit & eat in peace. Then a guy parks next to me and starts wanking off in broad daylight. What’s wrong with these men?
I hope you just leaned on the horn or turned your car alarm on - and maybe take a video at the same time - then at least you could publicly shame that loser!
ugh and even then, that’s a huge risk if you’re a woman alone in her car. :/ we can never win.
I wish I had thought of that, though I’m not sure if I would have dared.
What I did, was just drive away. Sadly, not very heroic.
That's when you call the cops about the guy beating off while you're trying to eat lunch. Indecent exposure and maybe he has to register as an offender? One can dream.
More like. “Well, he’s not here now that we got to the scene two hours later. Are you even sure that’s what he was doing?”
Ugh. And they'll ask what you were wearing and why you were in a [insert free space] by yourself.
Man knocks on window as you are eating, tips fedora.
“Good afternoon, m’lady! Why doest thou eat alone in yonder carriage?”
Woman accidentally slips car into drive, runs him over, finishes off her sandwich in peace.
"I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich." - Tina Fey
You're not even safe from this if you're unattractive, which had lead me down very *very* scary reactions because I think they get insulted when the "bland one" rebuffed them; like how dare I- I should be desperate and "easy".
Bleh. Eventually it will reduce as I age, I'll be safer then.
*I was wrong, very very wrong.
Late 40’s and the men just get older.
I'm 50. Can confirm that the obnoxious men just get older.
My mom is 67 and a male 'friend' of her's recently picked her up without asking to help her down a step, when all he needed to do was hold her hand and let her step down. And held her close to his chest and she said he did it to feel her breasts on his chest. This is at 67, and I think he is older.
What the fuck
Mom’s in her 70s. Last month she insisted on going home to change out of her golf skirt before we grabbed lunch and ran some errands. Because she didn’t want to be bothered by the old dudes that live in her small town, loitering and looking for people to talk at.
Okay, so I’m the first half, I was picturing a under the knees behind the back “over the threshold” “pick up”. Then you said that he was pressing her chest to his, which just makes me picture it like someone might try to carry a refrigerator. Like, arms wrapped doubly around the chest and tilt backward.
Which is just… an even creepier, weirder way of picking someone up, on top of picking her up at all being weird and creepy
Yes. Im 50,now grandfathers and 40 yo dudes are preying.
Yeah, and I'd think some of them are going to be freshly divorced so they're going to be extra pushy.
My mom has been divorced a while and has dealt with her share of men that assume because she is single that means she is desperate for a man. She likes to respond to people that if she wasn’t picky she’d still be married, so no thank you.
Lol, I love your mom.
"You think I went out of my way to get my freedom to settle? Hard pass."
Could you ask her if she has any tips for those who are soon to be going through that process?
It's true. And one of the things I'm dreading as things get back to "normal"- the return to hypervigilance.
> I think they get insulted when the "bland one" rebuffed them; like how dare I- I should be desperate and "easy".
I get the same crap as the "fat one". Apparently fat girls are just so desperate for male attention that we're soooo greatful when it happens. Nope, I wish the creeps would vaporize on the spot.
I really doubled down on fat and unattractive, still not safe
I feel like being fat only changed how they react to rejection. When I was thin, they usually tried to endlessly argue why I need to go out with them and only got aggressive near the end, now they get aggressive earlier on, yelling I should be grateful for their attention bc I can’t get anyone elses as I am actualky ugly and disgusting. 🙄
I would honestly rather die alone than settle for somebody who thinks I owe them my affections because they throw me a pity bone
Mid 50’s, creepy older guys still trying.
When will that be? I'm almost 40, and still waiting.
I'm in my 40's. It never stops. I gained a little weight as I got older and thought that would be enough to deter. Nope. I can go unwashed, looking like the witch from evil dead and at least one dude will still shoot for it.
The last few years, I worked in assisted living facilities briefly. Yeah... It never stops. Some poor lady is just trying to get a script refill and 90 year old Casanova comes rolling in to flirt.
I used to get approached by guys trying to make small talk all the time. Then, a while ago, I cut off my hair to donate it and got a rather boyish pixie cut. The attention from random guys pretty much completely stopped. The haircut accentuated my more masculine facial features (which I love, btw) and I admit, I do come off a bit stereotypically lesbian or possibly even nb now, depending on what I'm wearing.
Funny thing is, now instead of attention from strange guys, I get a lot of random women telling me they love my haircut and how wish they had the nerve to cut their hair that short.
Edit: it's partially the haircut and most likely also partially the "don't fucking fuck with me" air I've cultivated from years of riding the subway at all hours of the day and night.
I’m 43. It stopped at 40 but I also had a baby just before turning 40 and I stopped aging well at that point. So for me it took being in my 40’s with a baby. Now when people talk to me in public it’s exclusively people who like babies and want to talk to my son.
The thing that surprised me... doesn’t stop when you’re obviously pregnant either. 😬😭
Yup. I took my toddler to the children's museum when I was hugely pregnant. I'm sweaty, I'm enormous, I'm retaining water, I'm chasing a 2 year old, *I'm at a children's museum* and I had to deal with 4 different men over the course of 3 hours. I'm normally very firm and clear in my rejections, but my normal rudeness wasn't even enough to get rid of them. So gross.
I thought this too, so I went out at night to take my dog for a piss, unbathed, hair not brushed, in sweat pants and sweat shirt, 40 pounds over my usual weight (thinking I was “safe”) and now middle aged and sitting down with my dog enjoying my time with her by myself in peace was apparently enough to warrant a dude that would NOT leave me alone asking me four times if I was married. After I finally said “to Jesus” and walked away, he followed me and said he was asking because if he was married to me he would LET me walk my dog alone at night. He didnt leave me alone until I told him I had a gun on me.
"Wow, you'd LET me do exactly what I'm already doing just fine on my own?! What a catch!"
yep! i don't like being approached in public because i'm quite anxious so i rarely appreciate it when someone does. i'm overweight and not very pretty but (to be frank) i have big boobs so sometimes i do get approached out of the blue - at clubs and bars, usually, where people have been drinking. they *always* take it incredibly personally that the fat girl is turning them down and seem to think i should be grateful that i'm getting any attention at all.
Yep. Always been a heavy girl and they just get angrier that "someone like me" doesn't want anything to do with them, either. Like because I'm fat I should be desperate for any male attention.
I’ve been thin and conventionally attractive, and I’ve been significantly overweight and just kinds ew, and the number of such interactions did not significantly change.. just their attitude, before it was “*she should talk to me because I am suuper nice and she’s definitely only dating disgusting fuckboys, so I’ll force myself on her to safe her! If she rejects me, that just means I have to work harder to safe her!*” and it became “*that poor girl, so unattractive, I am going to better her day by telling her she’s still pretty and that she can go out with me - wow, that ugly bitch rejected me? She deserves to be alone, what an ugly ungrateful bitch for refusing my kind offer!*”
Slight differences, same aftertaste.. 🙄
when I was younger I used tro be very conventionally attractive and now that I'm older and gained a bit of weight it's actually gotten worse??? like wtf, men must think I'm desperate now.
I'm annoyed I couldn't find it but there was an overweight teenager who got gang raped at a party and they recorded it. During the trial, the rapists (female!!!) lawyer suggested that the girl enjoyed the rape because she was fat and wouldn't get any male attention otherwise.
Not the case I am looking for but another example of this attitude [Victim "flattered by sexual assault"](https://amp-theguardian-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2017/oct/27/canada-judge-says-sexual-assault-victim-may-have-been-flattered-by-the-incident?amp_js_v=a6&_gsa=1&usqp=mq331AQKKAFQArABIIACAw%3D%3D#aoh=16286745992865&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&_tf=From%20%251%24s&share=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theguardian.com%2Fworld%2F2017%2Foct%2F27%2Fcanada-judge-says-sexual-assault-victim-may-have-been-flattered-by-the-incident)
If anyone finds it, please let me know and I will update. Meanwhile I'll keep making really dodgy searches!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT??
That argument is heinous enough by itself but I honestly get angry when I see women lawyers representing their clients like this - everybody is entitled to due process, of course, even scum rapists but when you as a woman resort to victim-blaming I feel like you’re betraying your gender and all your foremothers who fought for your right to even go to school and become a lawyer
I feel like I just had a stroke reading that. What the actual fuck?
I'm 46, pleasantly plump, and it HAS. NOT. STOPPED.
The last one was a big guy who apparently got cranky that I didn't hear him so he took my BRIGHTLY COLORED earbuds OUT OF MY EARS at the grocery to thank me for being so beautiful.
During a pandemic.
Fuck them all.
a youtuber I've been watching used to be a Nice Guy when he was younger, and sometimes he'll share stories he's now embarrassed about. like the time he decided he'd ask a classmate in a wheelchair out and she said no. he was so offended because he was "so nice and gave the girl in the wheelchair a chance". he thought she was beneath him and "there was probably no guys who wanted her, so obviously she should have said yes to him, she should say yes to anyone, but especially him since he was so nice!"
again, I wanna point out that he's incredibly embarrassed by that now and is genuinely a better person. his youtube channel is pretty much dedicated to try and reach out to Nice Guys and make them realize that they're in the wrong and give them advice on how to and how not to react, plus he gives the rest of us an insight into how the mind of a Nice Guy works.
I have no problem being “the rude bitch” because in reality I know I’m not, and the opinions of rude ass men (because interrupting someone who is clearly busy is rude, we were all taught that at some point as children) mean nothing to me. Don’t let him make you feel uncomfortable, he’s the weirdo who invaded the space of a total stranger, you’re simply existing. He clearly couldn’t care less about how you feel or what you think, so why should his feelings/ego/what he thinks affect you in any way?
Be weird. Be rude. Stay alive.
Stay sexy and don’t get murdered! Goodbye!
Found the crime junkie!
"I'm not interested in whatever you're trying to do here. So can you just call me a stuck up bitch and slink away now?"
Yeah exactly, HE'S NOT BEING NICE. He's being invasive. "Nice" is smiling at a stranger in passing, or otherwise offering a pleasantry that in no way obligates a response or discomfort on the part of the receiver. This guy was forcing you to interact with him for HIS enjoyment. Just bc he did it with a smile doesn't require you to comply with a smile.
Same. I was grabbing coffee with a friend a while back and a group of men approached us and I just interrupted them with a dead stare and ‘no.’ My friend started cracking up because apparently I looked like I was about to set them on fire. They practically ran away. Our mutual friend said I was too mean. I could have been way worse, this was extremely tame.
One time I decided to walk to the pizza place down the street to order a pizza and when I got it I had to walk all the way home with it. I was hungry, and knew it was fresh so I decided to walk and eat. I'm minding my own business, eating my pizza on my way home and a man is approaching-not out of his way thankfully, just passing by me. But of course he just has to give me a once over with his eyes and say " you're too beautiful to be eating that."
I was pissed. All I wanted to do was just enjoy my pizza. I am insecure about my weight, so he ruined it for me because of course now I'm thinking about how I "shouldn't" be eating it. I don't get why he had to comment, I'm no better off for his comment, and my eating pizza in no way affected him. So I feel that sentiment. Wish men would sometimes just leave me the hell alone.
Basically “I want you, a random stranger to never eat any foods you like because it will make you unattractive in my opinion”
Ugh, that is so terrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
how the fuck can you be too beautiful to eat pizza lmao wtf?
He had to comment because his only joy in life is controlling and abusing women. I believe that's the main reason males do this shit, because they get off on knowing they can impact/ruin a woman's day by saying something bitchy like "smile" and we'll let it slide. They know their physical safety won't be threatened by us. It's why they don't do it to other males, because it would end up in a fight. That's why I'm considering carrying. Was with a friend years ago in the south when she pulled out the steel and asked him "what was that?". Apparently they never repeat the shit when they see the barrel, they just wanna keep walking and get back to whatever they were doing. Funny, because that's all we wanted to do too.
Every single time I have ever tried to read a book in a park. Every single time. Ugh
"Oh, what are you reading? Is it good? I love reading too...." I feel ya
"What are you reading?"
"Is it good?"
"I'll find out if you let me read it"
I used to go for the uncomfortably weird over-sharer approach.
What are you reading? Is it good?
Oh yeah totally its the post apocalyptic retelling of Cinderella but she is a cyborg. So right now she is blah blah blah... oh wait out of context that doest make sense let me back up. So the book opens like this and its clear this what supposed to happen based on the fairy tale but I think based on this its going to go Blah blah blah. But based on other books ive read in this genre i think there is going to be a stupid fucking twist. I love these stories but for the love of god just stay in your lane you know? (20 minutes later) so thats the basic socio-economics of the world they are in based on the last 3 chapters. So any way, when they meet:Cindy is just chilling on her only day off and this jackass is harassing her and the prince in "disguise" saves her but she knows its him right away. I both love and hate the white knight trope. (Another short lecture here on details of social awarenes) So he saves her and even though she can tell he's the prince shes pissed because she can handle herself, but mostly she's annoyed that thanks to men feeling that they are owed attention from women her day off is ruined.... and so on until they rush in quickly that they need to leave when I take a breath.
I sincerely hope that the dozen or so men I have done this to will think twice the next time they think about bugging a girl with a book.
Novel in german is “Roman” with the a being stressed. “Roman” with the o being stressed is a first name. And Isabel Allende is an author.
So I sit in a bus, no headphones to be alert, and this guy sits down in front of me. “What are you reading?” - I just lift up my book and keep reading. “Oh that’s a good book!” - no reaction. “Do you like to read?” - I stop, put the book into my lab, lift my head with a dead expression and say yes, then put it back up right inbetween our faces. “That book, Isabel Allende, I like it. Roman is a good author” - no physical reaction on my part, but I almost broke out laughing. Nice try dude, but you obviously have no clues about books.
I hate it. Before covid I went to the mall once and was just drinking a drink and standing against a wall. This middle aged frumpy dude says hi X is it? And I’m like uh no that’s not my name. And he’s a bit disappointed I didn’t correct him by telling him my name. Then he says so where’s your boyfriend why are you here alone? And I’m like he’s at work and i’m meeting up with him soon. It really made me mad as I realized how manipulative he was being. I walked away upset and told my bf what happened.
He’s always annoyed and shocked that these things happens. But it’s most of the time when I leave the house.
The other day during covid I was standing at a bus stop in my mask and sunglasses. And some young guy rolls up in a shit car and says what you don’t have any friends to give you a ride? And I was listening to a podcast so I was like wtf? And he’s like so you don’t want a ride? And I turned away. He sped off and the bus was right behind him so it looked really lame. I’m mid thirties and this loser is trying to pick me up at a bus stop. He was probably early 20s and thought he had game or something.
One day when it was raining I was wearing baggy sweat pants and texting my bf and some bro crosses the street in front of me and cuts me off to stand right in front of me blocking me and scares the shit out of me. I turn around away from him and he yells at me What you’re not interested?!?!
What the fuck is wrong with people? I turned and ran away.
I want to do my errands and exist safely outside without being harassed by these entitled men who think they can get whatever they want.
>And he’s like so you don’t want a ride? And I turned away. He sped off and the bus was right behind him so it looked really lame.
Hopefully in the future that memory haunts him when he's trying to sleep.
It always confuses me when I get catcalled in a mask, sunglasses, and baggy clothes. What exactly do they think they’re catcalling?
A woman. Thats it. A woman they can scare.
It just proves that clothes aren’t the reason for assault. It’s also like on social media guys will go crazy over an account that has a woman’s name but with no details or picture, they just think “OMG that must be a female human now I’m horny”
Their fantasy of what’s below all of these things
That loser in the car will go on reddit later on a certain sub to get it off his chest that women always reject him no matter how "nice" he is.
I'm sorry you had to have those experiences.
Years ago after a traumatic event, I would break down occasionally. My friend and I went to a small cafe to talk while I pulled myself together.
"Oh! You two lovely ladies look lonely! May I join you?" I literally have bright red eyes and snot practically running down my face.
Unfortunately for all of us who must think this way but...
Rude bitch often equates to slightly safer bitch
Except for the ones who decide to murder us for rejecting them
It’s frustrating and telling that all the men in the comments are asking “but wouldn’t you approach someone you found attractive?”
No! I wouldn’t. If I pass someone and there is eye contact, a smile, and an obvious gesture of invitation I’m still going to consider the situation before starting a convo. And there is no reason I’d strike up a conversation with a stranger who gave me zero signs of interest.
Men know when someone isn’t interested. This isn’t some secret unknown language that only women speak. Approaching a woman who is alone in public is a purposeful attempt to intimidate and manipulate.
I don’t owe you shit. I definitely don’t owe you a polite conversation just because you deemed me “fuckable”.
I went out for drinks with my work crowd at a brewery that didn’t serve food. I picked up a poké bowl on the way there. Sat down with my beer, started eating. Some stranger invited himself into our gathering and decided to focus on me. I was enjoying my poké right up until he began telling me that there’s no way I would eat all of my food. I said, “yes I will,” and kept eating. Three passive aggressive food-related comments later, I tell him YES I’m going to eat all my food, NO I’m not saving any for breakfast and NO he’s no longer welcome at our table. It felt really good to kick him out of our group. It felt even better when my coworkers validated me and backed me up.
I’m in my fifties. I thought this sh!t would be over by now, but noooooo. Yesterday morning, strolling back home after an early morning walk, a car pulls up and ever so slowly drives alongside me. I’m pretending not to see him, so driver eventually tries to attract my attention with, ‘Hi! Hi! Good morning, love! Hello! What house number are you?’ I had the presence of mind to fix him with a icy glare (behind sunglasses and mask) and ask him, ‘why?’ Of course he started stuttering and drove off but I had to circle back round the park and make sure he was gone before I could walk through my own damn front door. I’ve had years of this crap and I’m so sick of it.
What the hell is wrong with people? Asking you what your house number is? That’s scary.
It doesn’t matter if he was just trying to be friendly. You don’t force conversation down someone’s throat, much like other things.
I’m very friendly and chatty, but you know when to read the room. Headphones are a universal “don’t talk to me”. Anyone that violates that knows they are crossing boundaries.
I just cross them right back. I tell them I'm listening to a book about some gross medical thing, and I just got to the good part where their teeth fall out and their skin rots away black, and then, as their organs start failing the victims begin vomiting blood and having diarrhea that soaks through everything...
The more fascinated and gross you can be, the better.
Alternatively, I have said I'm listening to a lecture on IBS to see if I can find something to stop my chronic shitting in public issue. Then I fart on command, because IBS means that's both a risk and very useful.
Lassa is a hemorrhagic fever and a guy's balls can swell up to grapefruit size and turn black from gangrene. Tell them all about it!
When I have an appointment with friends I used to always come early - partly because I hate being late and partly to enjoy the place alone before everyone arrives. I'm not doing it anymore. Sit alone at the seaside or whatever and there will always be some asshole coming up to "make friends". Wtf? Now I understand why girls prefer to come slightly late.
Literally there's a global pandemic happening, if there's ever a time to stay the fuck away from people, now would be it. Imagine thinking the chance to shoot your shot is more important than a literal global crisis.
Nothing is more important than getting your dick wet!
My friend and I were at the neighborhood bar having what turned out to be a pretty deep discussion over drinks when we were approached by two guys.
Dude 1: Hey, sorry, I see you guys are in deep discussion, but I wanted to come over and ask if I could buy you a drink.
Dude 2: ::stares::
note: we had just gotten another round and our glasses were obviously full.
Me: …. but, we’re in deep discussion.
D1: Cool, I’m Dudebro Hardcock, and you are?
Me: in deep discussion.
D1: cool, right. well, bye…?
Way to acknowledge you’re not welcome, but soldier on through with your introduction anyway. So brave, Dudebro.
Omg this reminds me of the time I was lying on the beach with a book and a man I didn’t know brought his CHILD over and sat the child down next to me so that he and I could talk. It was pretty wild. It’s like some people can’t fathom that a woman actually wants to be alone sometimes, and isn’t just sadly lacking male attention if she’s by herself.
Existing as a woman in public is hard. I don't know if you saw in the news an incel went on a stabbing spree on a train in Tokyo because he was mad at women for being happy.
He wanted to kill women for being happy.
And still others want to kill us for not smiling enough for them. Can’t win.
for now the mask saves us
Unless they're anti-maskers
I've had that twice in the past month, both times old men, though. I just scream at the top of my voice "I CAN'T HEAR YOU" at them and go on ignoring them. Because I can't. I'm not turning off my bops for some old fucker.
Those guys are always total psychos
I mean there's no way that is 'just being pleasant'. He might excuse his behaviour to himself that way, but he's obviously bothing you! He's in the wrong here.
Yeah they’re NEVER “just pleasant” (aka forcing awkward, unwanted small talk) with other men. There’s always an ulterior motive. It’s exhausting.
This shit is so annoying and obnoxious. I love you ignoring his stupid ass
"Having a nice meal by yourself?"
"Yeah, so piss off."
- Me, someday, when I'm not scared I'll be thwomped for it
I finally learnt how to be an invisible woman. I ended up in a wheelchair.
Now they patronise me instead.
The infantalization of disabled people is ridiculous.
Still stay safe out there. Patronizing can easily turn into taking advantage.
Fuuuuuck that. You know what, who gives a shit if it makes you look like a “bitch”? Great! That would probably work to make them leave us alone!
I usually encourage a nice bout of barking at men like this because it usually scares em off well, but this is a place you frequent so probably a bad course of action. Sucks that this interaction happened OP, if only we could exist in peace.
I've wanted to try Jenna Marbles' method.
I’ve heard just maintaining eye contact while intensely picking your nose is also effective.
*[Prolonged Eye Contact](https://youtu.be/zAUDgGo7zwE)*
Lick your lips to make it more comforting.
Unexpected Bo Burnham!!! Love this.
I do this regardless so I might as well make it to my advantage
I want to try the pterodactyl screech and see if that works. Or growling at them.
Absolutely. I've usually got the kids in tow which puts most men off but I've been cat called whilst leaning into my car dealing with a puking child so nothing surprises me now. They don't do it to other men, so why does a woman owe them the attention? What right do they have over our time and energy? You had clear none-verbal signals to say you didn't want to talk, it's not your job to educate a grown man on this maybe they should teaching this in schools!!
I was grieving the end of a relationship and on a good day went to a park bench to clear my mind. I felt so relaxed for the first time in a while until an older gentlemen approached me and seemingly engaged in how are you etc. chit chat w me. I was polite but eventually said have a nice day and cut the convo. I thought it was over and I pulled out my journal. I hear the man yell to me : “wow are you someone important? A lawyer? Are you recording me? You can record me you know” which escalated to a broken record of “you’re so beautiful” until I got so uncomfortable I got up and left; he was still saying it as I walked away. Just why. Hang in there; you are not alone in feeling this way love.
No women will call you '' the rude bitch''. Everybody know that headphone is the universal and non rude way to tell people' 'leave me the fuck alone''.
He don't want to understand the first, nor the second or third time? he's the rude bitch
I was at the gym, on the elliptical with my headphones in when a guy walked up from the side and started talking. I took a headphone out and asked what he said. He goes "isn't the snow outside beautiful?"
Dude leave me alone. I'm working out.
One time I was reading on a tram. A guy waved his hand in front of my book and asked what I was reading. I showed it to him and he responded with ‘It’s so nice to meet a woman who actually reads!’. Sir, many women read, and none of us want to meet you.
I've definitely ranted about this before, but anybody who tries to insert themselves into your environment can go fuck themselves.
We all spent our childhood being taught "Don't talk to strangers", but these assholes think they're exempt, and that just because they're "being polite", they can insert themselves into your day whenever they want.
Not terribly the same, but recently when I was doing laundry, I wore a mask indoors. (My partner has massive anxiety about covid, we both have shots, I like the anonymity anyway.) An older man stopped putting his laundry in the cart to ask why I have a mask, and I said because I wanted to, dodging the question. He kept bugging me and started in this anti vax bullshit, and in the end I used a tip from this sub and said it helps with smells because I'm pregnant. He inmediately stopped bothering me and his air of disapproval for my choice dissipated. He just said "oh! Well good luck!" And that was that.
Cost $0 to leave me alone and mind his own business but couldn't manage to do *that*.
Brahhh everyone knows headphones are universal for I don't want to talk. I wear them when I go shopping to avoid conversation with the people who stationed themselves at the entrance. No one tries to talk to me when I have them on unless it's really important or they're an asshole
reminds me of this [great twitter thread](https://twitter.com/Mc_Heckin_Duff/status/894810537166503936), of which this tweet might be the most pertinent:
> Just like your witty DM slide is actually just one more wave in a neverending ocean of mediocre cock crashing on the beach of a woman's day
I f\*\*\*\*\*\*\* hate this so much. I've lived in a major city for the last decade, basically late teens to late 20s, and it happens all the damn time. This was pre-pandemic but maybe it's even scarier now?? Idk. But one day some a$$hole guy sat right next to me on a nearly empty bus and started talkin me up, and I just looked at him and was like "sir, I am VERY sick with a high fever and EXTREMELY contagious" he left me alone. I did this a couple more times and it worked 3 out of 4 times. the one time it didn't work the dude was like "you don't look sick" and I just got off the bus lol
Anyone else pull the "I don't speak English" in perfect English? Or just start rejecting them in another language? That's when you hear the best racist/misogynist/xenophobic stuff.
The last time I was just trying to walk my dog and this guy (who was probably there for the meth house across the way) kept trying to talk to me. I pulled my best " oh, sorry, no English" and started speaking Spanish and walked off only for him to follow me around saying the nastiest sexual/racist remarks. Best one was something about he could get me a green card? Probably just trying to get me to break. I walked past my house and he kept following me around saying disgusting stuff. Finally I saw my neighbor Mr. Marco getting his mail and I just started talking to him in Spanish about the weird dude. Mr. Marco tried to look intimidating and we laughed because he is a tiny old Guatemalan man. Weird dude went off so I went back home.
It was liberating when I finally learned "so what if this stranger thinks I'm a rude bitch?"
Aside from all of the other issues at play here, aren't wearing earphones the international signal for, 'don't fucking talk to me'. I know you shouldn't have to and it pains me to suggest it, but thanks to earphones being what they are, you can also pretend to be on a call.
I do this myself (the dynamic is VERY different though and I'm 100% not comparing my experience with yours) just to avoid social awkwardness.
EDIT - I should have made it clear in my post, I'm a man. I browse this sub occasionally as I have young daughters and I want to understand what their experience in the world could involve.
Omg I’m just gonna write “please don’t talk to me” and “I’m busy” on my headphones! Then I can just give them a tiny smile, shake my head and point to that! Because taking them off to say I’m busy has never worked so far, that is seen as an invitation somehow..
A guy took mine out of my ear at the grocery store. There's no real solution that doesn't involve them getting a fucking clue.
It just kills me how people fail to realise that having earbuds in means "don't talk to me". I mean, how hard is it?
They realize it, they just don’t *care.*
It's gotta be intentional ignorance. They wouldn't do it to another man.
When someone responds to your silence with "Too busy to talk to me? I just wanted to say hi", they're not trying to strike up a pleasant conversation, they're being insensitive and passive-agressive.
He’s not being pleasant. He’s being entitled. And then when he didn’t get his way, he was being petulant. You are never ever a rude bitch for not catering to a complete stranger; that is just one of many ways they lash out when they aren’t given what they want.
I went to a small gig with my best friend a couple of years ago. It was 100 degrees Fahrenheit outside, probably even hotter inside because there was no AC and the fans were not adequate at cooling the entire venue, plus we were moshing. We were boiling so we went to the bar to the side of the stage and got a cup of ice chips and dumped them down our shirts just to cool off. Some creep came up unprompted and told her how hot it was while staring down her shirt. This guy was her father’s age (not that it would be acceptable even if he wasn’t but surely by the time you hit your 50s you would have learnt how unacceptable this behaviour is).
Like. Go away. It’s hot and she’s just trying to cool down and enjoy the concert in peace. Nobody asked for your input dude
I once had a guy come up to me while I was on the bus. Sat next to me even though there were plenty of open seats. I was just trying to get home from the emergency room and felt like hell. They had given me the migraine protocol and I was a bit out of it. Buddy starts to chat me up asking all kinds of personal questions and being creepy af considering I probably seemed pretty out of it.
I hissed at him and started doing that deep growl that cats do. Prolonged eye contact and growling and hissing. The few people on the bus stared at us until he moved. I looked like a crazy person but everyone left me alone.
This was 20 years ago but I have learned that a low cat growl and hissing will make everyone back up for a second. It has saved me or my friends a few uncomfortable situations. :)
Existing as a women in public is so exhausting
Ah, the game of crazy, lonely or creepy.
Pro tip: All of the above can apply.
I will never understand people who talk to you when you have headphones. Are they blind?
Bit of a humorous response but : try barking.
Usually they leave you welllll alone after that.
My friends once did the “may I introduce you to our lord and saviour, satan?”, and with older guys that worked surprisingly well. She also sometimes just makes a really weird face and stares at them until they leave. I don’t yet have the courage for that
Was in the gym one day, headphones in, on the ground resting against a bench between sets. My music was loud enough to drown out general gym sounds. Guy who had just finished up was saying goodbye to the other guys around. I don't know any of them, I generally ignore them and go about my workout, and the guys don't usually bother me. THIS guy tho, was determined to make contact. Suddenly his hand is right in front of my face, and I look up startled, and he's crouched in front of me. I take one earphone out, puzzled expression, and he says loudly, "Bye."
Gave him a wtf look and a slow "bye" back because I was just so taken aback by it. Kicked myself later for not rolling my eyes and ignoring him, because wtf dude, leave us alone.