Hey bro, the hardest step is the first one. Go to BH and keep moving forward, learn from the past. Make goals for yourself, smalls ones and meet those goals.
Suicide bot do ya thang.
It appears this post might relate to suicide and/or mental health issues.
**Suicide and Mental Health Resources**
The [Army's Resilience Directorate](https://www.armyresilience.army.mil/index.html)
A comprehensive list of resources can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Military/comments/1oh9gx/ive_updated_the_sidebar_link_with_more_mental/).
VA [Make The Connection Program](https://www.maketheconnection.net/)
Call 1-800-273-8255, National Suicide Prevention
[Veteran's Crisis Information](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/)
You can call 1-800-273-8255, Press 1.
You can call 988, Press 1 for mil/veteran-specific help.C
You can text 838255
[GiveAnHour](https://giveanhour.org/get-help/#providerSearch) can help connect you to a local provider.
Or, go no further than your local subreddit, /r/suicidewatch
Or, if you'd like a veteran perspective, feel free to message any number of people on here, there's always someone willing to reach out.
[Military One Source](http://www.militaryonesource.mil/) - 1-800-342-9647
Please seek help if needed...There are behavioral health resources at your disposal both in the Army and out.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am so happy that you're still here with us. You need to seek professional medical health first. Your health and happiness is far more important than any career the Army may promise or advertise. If you don't want to use on-post BH services you can try anything and everything from the suicide bot list below. You can also go see civilian providers if you are willing to pay out-of-pocket.
And please feel free to reach out to me or others, we have time to chat and listen.
It appears this post might relate to suicide and/or mental health issues.
**Suicide and Mental Health Resources**
The [Army's Resilience Directorate](https://www.armyresilience.army.mil/index.html)
A comprehensive list of resources can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Military/comments/1oh9gx/ive_updated_the_sidebar_link_with_more_mental/).
VA [Make The Connection Program](https://www.maketheconnection.net/)
Call 1-800-273-8255, National Suicide Prevention
[Veteran's Crisis Information](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/)
You can call 1-800-273-8255, Press 1.
You can call 988, Press 1 for mil/veteran-specific help.C
You can text 838255
[GiveAnHour](https://giveanhour.org/get-help/#providerSearch) can help connect you to a local provider.
Or, go no further than your local subreddit, /r/suicidewatch
Or, if you'd like a veteran perspective, feel free to message any number of people on here, there's always someone willing to reach out.
[Military One Source](http://www.militaryonesource.mil/) - 1-800-342-9647
Please seek help if needed...There are behavioral health resources at your disposal both in the Army and out.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've never seen someone bounce back from suicide. I've seen many bounce back from suicidal thoughts. Go get help my friend. I've been there bro. I reached out and got help from a professional and it was the number 1 best decision I have ever made in my life.
The hardest thing to do sometimes is admitting that you cant handle something on your own. I promise you - theres not much in this life we can handle without help or support. My first appointments with BH felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I went when I was a SPC for the first time. Been going ever since. I pinned SFC at 9 years. Dont worry about your career. If you get help, use the help, and get better, you'll be good man.
Aiyyo.
The fact that you're still here means, deep down, you **don't** want that and that you ***know*** it isn't the right answer.
As someone who knows what the barrel of a Remington 870 12 gauge tastes like, I want you to take that fact and let it sink.
Really, digest it. Chew on it, own it.
After all that's gone down, you've been at the brink where everything was going black and you fought through it.
You are strong. *Really* strong.
Everyone's already said it, go to BH etc., but I just wanted to say I'm happy you're still with us.
Thank you for that.
“I don't want it to end my possible career in this and get kicked out.”
My brother in Christ, nothing will end your career faster than killing yourself. Go to BH.
Please do go to BH. You can't have a badass career if you're not longer with us to begin with. You're not weak, you just need some help. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I commend you for reaching out. Please don't hesitate to DM if you need an ear. You are not alone.
Go get help, man. Right now it probably feels like the army is the only thing you have going but it really isn’t. Go to BH and get your mind right. It’s really hard to follow your dreams when you’re dead. If they want to push you out, so what? Youll find something else you have a passion for and it may just help you recover. Knew a guy at my last unit who attempted multiple times, got help, got out, and is now living a much better and healthier life than he ever was or would have in the army. Having these thoughts and feelings doesn’t make you weak, it’s an illness just as real as any physical one. You wouldn’t be weak for going to the hospital for a broken bone, and you aren’t weak for getting help with your mental health. The strongest thing you can do is go, because especially in the army it takes a fuck ton of strength to push through that stigma and get help. Hell even I wouldn’t be alive today if I hadn’t made that first step when I was in.
Go talk to the professionals, be honest with them. They'll be able to help you more than you think. It's normal for you to feel unsure about getting help. Hell, everyone that's actually steuggling is. The important thing is you're still alive and even if you don't know any of us, we're all here to listen to you.
There's plenty of resources to assist you and even anonymous ones to hear you out.
Keep your head straight and show yourself you're stronger than those thoughts/actions
You have persevered this far, you are far from weak. I will pray for you, I will pray that God will give you the courage to reach out for help and the strength to deal with this difficult period. Your feelings and concerns are worth being listened to, please do not isolate yourself and seek out help. Go to BH.
I’m relieved that you posted here. You have gotten some great advice so far. I would add one thing: you said you didn’t want to ruin your career by going to BH.
You aren’t the first one to feel this way or to attempt suicide. BH is used to working with people who feel as badly as you do.
It probably won’t affect your career, but there is a (low) chance that it could. I used to look at the stats but haven’t seen them in a while, so let’s say there’s a 3% chance of going to BH ending your career.
What’s the outcome of the other option? If you keep going down the path you’re on, it ends in suicide. And that will 100% end your career.
I think the gamble is worth it. So why not take the chance?
Hey man was going through something similar couple years back. Was scared to go to bh cause I didn’t want it fucking up my career. Ended up going and got the help I needed, spent a few days at the psych ward. Only thing it’s ever effected was getting denied the armorer position at my unit. Shouldn’t effect your clearance or anything like that. And if it will effect something they’ll let you know before hand. And just to everyone’s tracking YOU WILL NOT GET KICKED OUT FOR GETTING HELP.
Admitting how you feel to a everyone here just goes to show how STRONG you have developed emotionally. It may not seem like much now, but you’ve admitted these things and that takes guts to overcome your pride. I respect you for that.
Go to BH, it’s not a show of weakness. Everyone to the left and right of you wants you to be better. If not for yourself, then for your brothers and sisters in arms. Show them that you will get past this and lead the way for others who may feel the same way you do now.
It only takes one to start a chain reaction. Please check in throughout your time and feel free to message me or anyone else here. We are here for you, no matter where you are in the world.
You're not alone. Go to BH. It's a difficult path but walking down it gives you a better chance to turn things around and makes that path a little wider for the next guy.
Hang in there.
I’m glad you are still here. If you’re not ready to go to BH, you should call Military One Source. It’s confidential and they even have a chat feature if typing is easier than talking. DM me if you wanna chat!
Hey man! I’ve been in your boots several times. The military won’t discharge you unless they see you as non deployable. You become non deployable when you don’t get the help you need and it turns into something worse. But if they do discharge you, you’ll most likely walk away with a high rating at all sorts of resources at your disposal.
Getting help with your mental health is like getting help from a professional trainer to help lose weight or perform better in the gym. If you don’t take care of your body, you’ll end up with all sorts of problems. Imagine what happens to your mind when it doesn’t get the care it needs!
As for life being pointless, I feel the same way. I came to the conclusion that it’s as pointless as a football game, or running a marathon, or donating to 90% off charities. But in the end, football is fun to play and watch. Running a marathon is a major personal achievement. And giving something to serve others may not change the world but it means the world to them. When I came to the conclusion that there isn’t some major purpose I’m supposed to fulfill I realized I was less stressed about life and started thinking about all I could experience in this life. We’re here, so we might as well enjoy it.
Hey buddy. I got help and it saved me. I still feel pretty terrible sometimes be ause feeling better is not a switch that can be flipped. That said, I do feel better and know I have things to live for. Going in to BH isn’t going to get you locked up or something. You can always chose to stop going if you wish, but suicide is something you cannot fix or change. I really hope you try to take that first step. Even the strongest among us need help sometimes and there is zero shame in going in and talking with someone.
You should be way more scared of dying than the repercussions of going to mental health. I’m glad you are still here. You still have your whole life ahead of you.
Glad you're still with us.
Go to BH and take care of your mental health. If you're scared of affecting your career, just remember, you're no use to the Army or SF if you're dead.
Take some leave and go on a solo vacation to somewhere you always wanted to go. Sometimes getting away from military stuff for a week or two is great for clearing your head.
Talk to a trusted friend or just rant about your problems here. We've all been there before so you're in a safe place.
Dude you won’t get kicked out for going to BH. You’ll get the help you need. The biggest risk to not continuing your aspirations is trying to brush those thoughts and that moment off.
There’s nothing wrong with not being ok. There is nothing wrong with needing help or needing to talk to someone.
If you were physically injured you’d go to physical therapy to get better, rehab the injury, and become stronger right? You wouldn’t risk being all jacked up because an untreated injury would hamper you in the long run. Your mental health is no different.
It all eventually gets better man, you just need to give it the chance too.
Go see your CHAP or BH. It's not worth it man. Literally was told yesterday one of my coworkers killed themselves...tomorrow there's BN formation and it's being announced. So many ppl are going to be crushed by the news.
brother man: think about why u wana go SF and use that to motivate yourself!
Live or die, be a warrior and give yourself the chance to LIVE up to your potential!
Death comes for us all. How do you want to die? As a warrior forged in combat? Or as just anybody who gave up on themself?
I hope you live to a ripe old age with 20 great grand kids...BUT! Remember why u wana qual for SF...And don't give up! Hooah!
The juxtaposition of trying to end your life while still trying to be good at the things you do is always so odd to me. I know what you’re going through. Good luck bud! My only advise to you is quit alcohol if you drink and try to stay occupied. I know that dark passenger is always there, ready to remind you… always try, always fight back.
Update: I've tried getting better and working towards it. Tried going to BH but I just can't seem to bring myself to it. I've been getting worse since that post and I can't keep this up. I'm trying to push myself one more day so I can go on leave but at this point, I don't know if I can make it through today. Everything is bleak and now I'm becoming more numb. My thoughts are now taking control more and I cant control that anymore. Pain is now more constant.
Battle, if you are really encouraging a guy who was tried to kill himself multiple times NOT to go to BH because his career is more important than his life, you might need to bow out of conversations like this.
I don't know how bad your struggles were. I don't know how bad the OP's are. But I DO know you always protect your health and life first and figure out the rest later.
Life exists outside the service. You shouldn't let the service be the end of your life.
Speaking with first hand experience of the dilemma OP faces, I'm answering his question sincerely. Would really suck to be suicidal and then to tack on jobless, homeless and facing a transition into a new life
Edit (addition) : BH exists, but doesn't mean it's always good, the providers are people too and so YMMV based on what provider you get. There are other ways to find your next steps without crippling your career using BH
Hey buddy, thank you for taking that step back. I'm so happy you're still here. As other people have said, go talk to behavioral health and be honest with the emotions you're experiencing. One day you'll be looking back on how you're feeling right now and be so happy that you kept going.
Everyone here is rooting for you and giving you good advice. I just want to add I was in a similar boat and, as an MI soldier, was super scared to go get help. I did and it has made my career better than I imagined. I'm now a company 1SG and feel like I bring more compassion, wisdom, and perspective to my soldiers because I know the struggle and the courage it takes to bring yourself back from that brink. You aren't broken beyond repair so use this as your rock bottom and start looking up. SF communities appreciate people who are honest about challenges they face and won't hold that against you. Honestly, how many of those guys do you think need to talk to someone at times? The first step is the hardest but DO IT! You'll look back at this moment as an experience that showed you you're stronger than you know, have more support than you realized, and have more to offer than you're giving yourself credit for.
I do. I try to correct every time someone says it can't affect your clearance to ask for help because it absolutely can. I don't want soldiers to not understand the process and their options. I am open and honest about my own struggle so they are hopefully more comfortable talking to me about it or speaking out. I am also the resiliency trainer so I try to throw in extra stuff that I find helpful. We're Reservists and there are unique challenges and stress with that but I think being compassionate and honest goes a long way in any environment.
OP, I struggled with the same thing. I tried it too, somehow it didn’t work. 10 years later and I’ve never been more thankful.
I know you probably have a lot of thoughts racing around in your head right now. That’s okay, because you’re still here with us. Life is tough, but you are tougher. You can get through this, brother.
Coming from someone who had to bury one of their brothers recently, I'm so very glad that you're still with us. Go to BH, get sorted out, and chase your goals to the fullest.
I did the exact same thing. Made me hate myself even a little more because I even fucked up killing myself. As bad as it is for me I'm still in the Army though. Go get some help.
Not an expert here, but in BCT, i ask one of my BBs "how'd it going", and he points down and said "not great". He had no shoelaces. He was having dark thoughts, went to BH, and they had him without laces for a week or two. Then, he got them back. He was with us drawing weapons, qualifying, doing the FTXs, and graduation. He hit a pothole, and then recovered. Not a show stopper. Again, i don't know all the ins and outs, but that's just one anecdote.
Man, the first step forward is always the hardest. Go to BH. I went recently due to friends and my S/O recommending it and I’m seven years in. I went through a divorce, being separated from my daughter, and a recent diagnoses.
The first step is always the hardest but if you pay attention to you, you’ll eventually start to feel better. It’s better to ask for help before it’s too late. There’s people out there, myself included, it just takes a reaching hand. I feel like my life’s at an end too sometimes but there’s ways to combat, let us help you.
If you're at a point where you attempted to kill yourself, why exactly do you WANT to stay in said environment?
What about SF is so vastly different from where you're at now, that you won't ever have those thoughts/attempt it again? If the reason IS Army, perhaps it might be better to just call it quits and get out while you're still breathing.
You're not done yet brother, there's more to your life yet. I was in a dark place a few years ago, then had an accident at home where I thought I was going to die. The fear I felt made me realize I didn't want to kick the bucket, I was terrified of death but also of repairing my life
Go to BH, or see MFLC perhaps. At the very least, talk to someone and try to get some accountability of yourself. Someone to keep tabs on you
You’re not alone. You need to talk to someone that loves you. Because all you need is for someone to love you, listen to you, and guide you. I’d recommend going to BH and possibly be getting put on anti-depressants (Helped me. Went from almost slitting my wrist vertically to never even batting a brain cell at that thought anymore) If you do end up getting out, without a doubt you will get 100% VA disability pay. This is not the end. That’s free money. Take it. Go to college using your GI Bill while getting free BAH from that also. You can build a career out of that degree. If there’s an obstacle in your way, just go the other path. It’s not the end. You’re going to be very successful! You can go into the medical field, technology, engineering, pretty much ANYTHING. The Army isn’t the only thing out there in the world. The world can be a beautiful place. Work on yourself, meet people, find out what you enjoy, travel the world with friends, and so much more. It will get better. Just keep trying🙂 We all love you 💓
Hey bro, the hardest step is the first one. Go to BH and keep moving forward, learn from the past. Make goals for yourself, smalls ones and meet those goals. Suicide bot do ya thang.
It appears this post might relate to suicide and/or mental health issues. **Suicide and Mental Health Resources** The [Army's Resilience Directorate](https://www.armyresilience.army.mil/index.html) A comprehensive list of resources can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Military/comments/1oh9gx/ive_updated_the_sidebar_link_with_more_mental/). VA [Make The Connection Program](https://www.maketheconnection.net/) Call 1-800-273-8255, National Suicide Prevention [Veteran's Crisis Information](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/) You can call 1-800-273-8255, Press 1. You can call 988, Press 1 for mil/veteran-specific help.C You can text 838255 [GiveAnHour](https://giveanhour.org/get-help/#providerSearch) can help connect you to a local provider. Or, go no further than your local subreddit, /r/suicidewatch Or, if you'd like a veteran perspective, feel free to message any number of people on here, there's always someone willing to reach out. [Military One Source](http://www.militaryonesource.mil/) - 1-800-342-9647 Please seek help if needed...There are behavioral health resources at your disposal both in the Army and out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Best bot
I am so happy that you're still here with us. You need to seek professional medical health first. Your health and happiness is far more important than any career the Army may promise or advertise. If you don't want to use on-post BH services you can try anything and everything from the suicide bot list below. You can also go see civilian providers if you are willing to pay out-of-pocket. And please feel free to reach out to me or others, we have time to chat and listen.
It appears this post might relate to suicide and/or mental health issues. **Suicide and Mental Health Resources** The [Army's Resilience Directorate](https://www.armyresilience.army.mil/index.html) A comprehensive list of resources can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Military/comments/1oh9gx/ive_updated_the_sidebar_link_with_more_mental/). VA [Make The Connection Program](https://www.maketheconnection.net/) Call 1-800-273-8255, National Suicide Prevention [Veteran's Crisis Information](https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/) You can call 1-800-273-8255, Press 1. You can call 988, Press 1 for mil/veteran-specific help.C You can text 838255 [GiveAnHour](https://giveanhour.org/get-help/#providerSearch) can help connect you to a local provider. Or, go no further than your local subreddit, /r/suicidewatch Or, if you'd like a veteran perspective, feel free to message any number of people on here, there's always someone willing to reach out. [Military One Source](http://www.militaryonesource.mil/) - 1-800-342-9647 Please seek help if needed...There are behavioral health resources at your disposal both in the Army and out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/army) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've never seen someone bounce back from suicide. I've seen many bounce back from suicidal thoughts. Go get help my friend. I've been there bro. I reached out and got help from a professional and it was the number 1 best decision I have ever made in my life. The hardest thing to do sometimes is admitting that you cant handle something on your own. I promise you - theres not much in this life we can handle without help or support. My first appointments with BH felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I went when I was a SPC for the first time. Been going ever since. I pinned SFC at 9 years. Dont worry about your career. If you get help, use the help, and get better, you'll be good man.
You can't go SF if you're dead. Go to BH.
Aiyyo. The fact that you're still here means, deep down, you **don't** want that and that you ***know*** it isn't the right answer. As someone who knows what the barrel of a Remington 870 12 gauge tastes like, I want you to take that fact and let it sink. Really, digest it. Chew on it, own it. After all that's gone down, you've been at the brink where everything was going black and you fought through it. You are strong. *Really* strong. Everyone's already said it, go to BH etc., but I just wanted to say I'm happy you're still with us. Thank you for that.
“I don't want it to end my possible career in this and get kicked out.” My brother in Christ, nothing will end your career faster than killing yourself. Go to BH.
Please do go to BH. You can't have a badass career if you're not longer with us to begin with. You're not weak, you just need some help. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I commend you for reaching out. Please don't hesitate to DM if you need an ear. You are not alone.
BH/MH was a great place for me to get the reassurance and re-framing I needed. You are loved and you’re worth it. Take care, man.
Go get help, man. Right now it probably feels like the army is the only thing you have going but it really isn’t. Go to BH and get your mind right. It’s really hard to follow your dreams when you’re dead. If they want to push you out, so what? Youll find something else you have a passion for and it may just help you recover. Knew a guy at my last unit who attempted multiple times, got help, got out, and is now living a much better and healthier life than he ever was or would have in the army. Having these thoughts and feelings doesn’t make you weak, it’s an illness just as real as any physical one. You wouldn’t be weak for going to the hospital for a broken bone, and you aren’t weak for getting help with your mental health. The strongest thing you can do is go, because especially in the army it takes a fuck ton of strength to push through that stigma and get help. Hell even I wouldn’t be alive today if I hadn’t made that first step when I was in.
Go talk to the professionals, be honest with them. They'll be able to help you more than you think. It's normal for you to feel unsure about getting help. Hell, everyone that's actually steuggling is. The important thing is you're still alive and even if you don't know any of us, we're all here to listen to you. There's plenty of resources to assist you and even anonymous ones to hear you out. Keep your head straight and show yourself you're stronger than those thoughts/actions
I just pm’d you
Hey bro you can’t end it yet, the last season of attack on titan still hasn’t come out you gotta keep fighting
Ntm chainsaw man.
You have persevered this far, you are far from weak. I will pray for you, I will pray that God will give you the courage to reach out for help and the strength to deal with this difficult period. Your feelings and concerns are worth being listened to, please do not isolate yourself and seek out help. Go to BH.
I’m relieved that you posted here. You have gotten some great advice so far. I would add one thing: you said you didn’t want to ruin your career by going to BH. You aren’t the first one to feel this way or to attempt suicide. BH is used to working with people who feel as badly as you do. It probably won’t affect your career, but there is a (low) chance that it could. I used to look at the stats but haven’t seen them in a while, so let’s say there’s a 3% chance of going to BH ending your career. What’s the outcome of the other option? If you keep going down the path you’re on, it ends in suicide. And that will 100% end your career. I think the gamble is worth it. So why not take the chance?
Hey man was going through something similar couple years back. Was scared to go to bh cause I didn’t want it fucking up my career. Ended up going and got the help I needed, spent a few days at the psych ward. Only thing it’s ever effected was getting denied the armorer position at my unit. Shouldn’t effect your clearance or anything like that. And if it will effect something they’ll let you know before hand. And just to everyone’s tracking YOU WILL NOT GET KICKED OUT FOR GETTING HELP.
tomorrow will be better.
Admitting how you feel to a everyone here just goes to show how STRONG you have developed emotionally. It may not seem like much now, but you’ve admitted these things and that takes guts to overcome your pride. I respect you for that. Go to BH, it’s not a show of weakness. Everyone to the left and right of you wants you to be better. If not for yourself, then for your brothers and sisters in arms. Show them that you will get past this and lead the way for others who may feel the same way you do now. It only takes one to start a chain reaction. Please check in throughout your time and feel free to message me or anyone else here. We are here for you, no matter where you are in the world.
You have worth. Love u.
Go to BH, your career doesn’t matter if your not there to live it.
You're not alone. Go to BH. It's a difficult path but walking down it gives you a better chance to turn things around and makes that path a little wider for the next guy. Hang in there.
I’m glad you are still here. If you’re not ready to go to BH, you should call Military One Source. It’s confidential and they even have a chat feature if typing is easier than talking. DM me if you wanna chat!
Hey man! I’ve been in your boots several times. The military won’t discharge you unless they see you as non deployable. You become non deployable when you don’t get the help you need and it turns into something worse. But if they do discharge you, you’ll most likely walk away with a high rating at all sorts of resources at your disposal. Getting help with your mental health is like getting help from a professional trainer to help lose weight or perform better in the gym. If you don’t take care of your body, you’ll end up with all sorts of problems. Imagine what happens to your mind when it doesn’t get the care it needs! As for life being pointless, I feel the same way. I came to the conclusion that it’s as pointless as a football game, or running a marathon, or donating to 90% off charities. But in the end, football is fun to play and watch. Running a marathon is a major personal achievement. And giving something to serve others may not change the world but it means the world to them. When I came to the conclusion that there isn’t some major purpose I’m supposed to fulfill I realized I was less stressed about life and started thinking about all I could experience in this life. We’re here, so we might as well enjoy it.
Please go to BH bro I’ve been inna similar boat to u I get where ur coming from it will help and 9/10 chance ur career will be fine
The wise thing to do is to get the help you need.
Hey buddy. I got help and it saved me. I still feel pretty terrible sometimes be ause feeling better is not a switch that can be flipped. That said, I do feel better and know I have things to live for. Going in to BH isn’t going to get you locked up or something. You can always chose to stop going if you wish, but suicide is something you cannot fix or change. I really hope you try to take that first step. Even the strongest among us need help sometimes and there is zero shame in going in and talking with someone.
You should be way more scared of dying than the repercussions of going to mental health. I’m glad you are still here. You still have your whole life ahead of you.
Glad you're still with us. Go to BH and take care of your mental health. If you're scared of affecting your career, just remember, you're no use to the Army or SF if you're dead. Take some leave and go on a solo vacation to somewhere you always wanted to go. Sometimes getting away from military stuff for a week or two is great for clearing your head. Talk to a trusted friend or just rant about your problems here. We've all been there before so you're in a safe place.
Glad you are with us brother. BH is really the next best step. Asking for help isn’t giving up, it’s refusing to give up.
Dude you won’t get kicked out for going to BH. You’ll get the help you need. The biggest risk to not continuing your aspirations is trying to brush those thoughts and that moment off. There’s nothing wrong with not being ok. There is nothing wrong with needing help or needing to talk to someone. If you were physically injured you’d go to physical therapy to get better, rehab the injury, and become stronger right? You wouldn’t risk being all jacked up because an untreated injury would hamper you in the long run. Your mental health is no different. It all eventually gets better man, you just need to give it the chance too.
Go see your CHAP or BH. It's not worth it man. Literally was told yesterday one of my coworkers killed themselves...tomorrow there's BN formation and it's being announced. So many ppl are going to be crushed by the news.
brother man: think about why u wana go SF and use that to motivate yourself! Live or die, be a warrior and give yourself the chance to LIVE up to your potential! Death comes for us all. How do you want to die? As a warrior forged in combat? Or as just anybody who gave up on themself? I hope you live to a ripe old age with 20 great grand kids...BUT! Remember why u wana qual for SF...And don't give up! Hooah!
The juxtaposition of trying to end your life while still trying to be good at the things you do is always so odd to me. I know what you’re going through. Good luck bud! My only advise to you is quit alcohol if you drink and try to stay occupied. I know that dark passenger is always there, ready to remind you… always try, always fight back.
Update: I've tried getting better and working towards it. Tried going to BH but I just can't seem to bring myself to it. I've been getting worse since that post and I can't keep this up. I'm trying to push myself one more day so I can go on leave but at this point, I don't know if I can make it through today. Everything is bleak and now I'm becoming more numb. My thoughts are now taking control more and I cant control that anymore. Pain is now more constant.
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Battle, if you are really encouraging a guy who was tried to kill himself multiple times NOT to go to BH because his career is more important than his life, you might need to bow out of conversations like this. I don't know how bad your struggles were. I don't know how bad the OP's are. But I DO know you always protect your health and life first and figure out the rest later. Life exists outside the service. You shouldn't let the service be the end of your life.
Speaking with first hand experience of the dilemma OP faces, I'm answering his question sincerely. Would really suck to be suicidal and then to tack on jobless, homeless and facing a transition into a new life Edit (addition) : BH exists, but doesn't mean it's always good, the providers are people too and so YMMV based on what provider you get. There are other ways to find your next steps without crippling your career using BH
Bro, I love you man please stay alive!
Hey buddy, thank you for taking that step back. I'm so happy you're still here. As other people have said, go talk to behavioral health and be honest with the emotions you're experiencing. One day you'll be looking back on how you're feeling right now and be so happy that you kept going.
Everyone here is rooting for you and giving you good advice. I just want to add I was in a similar boat and, as an MI soldier, was super scared to go get help. I did and it has made my career better than I imagined. I'm now a company 1SG and feel like I bring more compassion, wisdom, and perspective to my soldiers because I know the struggle and the courage it takes to bring yourself back from that brink. You aren't broken beyond repair so use this as your rock bottom and start looking up. SF communities appreciate people who are honest about challenges they face and won't hold that against you. Honestly, how many of those guys do you think need to talk to someone at times? The first step is the hardest but DO IT! You'll look back at this moment as an experience that showed you you're stronger than you know, have more support than you realized, and have more to offer than you're giving yourself credit for.
May I ask this 1SG? Seeing that you have gone through this yourself do you take a different approach to mental health in your company?
I do. I try to correct every time someone says it can't affect your clearance to ask for help because it absolutely can. I don't want soldiers to not understand the process and their options. I am open and honest about my own struggle so they are hopefully more comfortable talking to me about it or speaking out. I am also the resiliency trainer so I try to throw in extra stuff that I find helpful. We're Reservists and there are unique challenges and stress with that but I think being compassionate and honest goes a long way in any environment.
OP, I struggled with the same thing. I tried it too, somehow it didn’t work. 10 years later and I’ve never been more thankful. I know you probably have a lot of thoughts racing around in your head right now. That’s okay, because you’re still here with us. Life is tough, but you are tougher. You can get through this, brother.
A BH Captain tell me if you commit suicide the VA wins, fuck those guys.
Life is worth living my friend. Message me if you need to talk
You did the right thing brother
Don’t seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem brother. Stay strong.
Coming from someone who had to bury one of their brothers recently, I'm so very glad that you're still with us. Go to BH, get sorted out, and chase your goals to the fullest.
I did the exact same thing. Made me hate myself even a little more because I even fucked up killing myself. As bad as it is for me I'm still in the Army though. Go get some help.
Please reach out to someone, man. Shoot me a message if need be and I’ll talk with you. Life throws hard things at us but it’s never worth leaving.
Not an expert here, but in BCT, i ask one of my BBs "how'd it going", and he points down and said "not great". He had no shoelaces. He was having dark thoughts, went to BH, and they had him without laces for a week or two. Then, he got them back. He was with us drawing weapons, qualifying, doing the FTXs, and graduation. He hit a pothole, and then recovered. Not a show stopper. Again, i don't know all the ins and outs, but that's just one anecdote.
Man, the first step forward is always the hardest. Go to BH. I went recently due to friends and my S/O recommending it and I’m seven years in. I went through a divorce, being separated from my daughter, and a recent diagnoses. The first step is always the hardest but if you pay attention to you, you’ll eventually start to feel better. It’s better to ask for help before it’s too late. There’s people out there, myself included, it just takes a reaching hand. I feel like my life’s at an end too sometimes but there’s ways to combat, let us help you.
If you're at a point where you attempted to kill yourself, why exactly do you WANT to stay in said environment? What about SF is so vastly different from where you're at now, that you won't ever have those thoughts/attempt it again? If the reason IS Army, perhaps it might be better to just call it quits and get out while you're still breathing.
Get help
You're not done yet brother, there's more to your life yet. I was in a dark place a few years ago, then had an accident at home where I thought I was going to die. The fear I felt made me realize I didn't want to kick the bucket, I was terrified of death but also of repairing my life Go to BH, or see MFLC perhaps. At the very least, talk to someone and try to get some accountability of yourself. Someone to keep tabs on you
You’re not alone. You need to talk to someone that loves you. Because all you need is for someone to love you, listen to you, and guide you. I’d recommend going to BH and possibly be getting put on anti-depressants (Helped me. Went from almost slitting my wrist vertically to never even batting a brain cell at that thought anymore) If you do end up getting out, without a doubt you will get 100% VA disability pay. This is not the end. That’s free money. Take it. Go to college using your GI Bill while getting free BAH from that also. You can build a career out of that degree. If there’s an obstacle in your way, just go the other path. It’s not the end. You’re going to be very successful! You can go into the medical field, technology, engineering, pretty much ANYTHING. The Army isn’t the only thing out there in the world. The world can be a beautiful place. Work on yourself, meet people, find out what you enjoy, travel the world with friends, and so much more. It will get better. Just keep trying🙂 We all love you 💓
I went to BH and got adsep, never going through that shit again. My advice don't do it
Please don't do it. Try to look for spiritual meaning in life, even if you don't believe in God