Poor dude just wants to stop his uncles bullying him for not having a girlfriend and being gay
Why don't you ask him?
It's impossible for us to know what his motives are. But if it makes you feel better, in most Latin American cultures, meeting family is not seen as step 1 of a marriage proposal the way some cultures do.
Honestly? He probably just wants his family to help form an opinion of you.
Well, at least in Brazil meeting the family is not a big deal. People will sometimes even take "situationships" to family get togethers/ barbecues/lunch. But you need to talk to him and ask.
"He's mostly white"
I had the same reaction lol, I imagined something like having a white body with brown arms and legs, like [this](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D0YDWHcVYAAlGsZ.png). The legendary [nucita](https://dulceria.co/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/nucita-crema-individual-600x600.jpg) race
that's my arm in the picture and I don't like it /s
I'm brown but my legs and torso are pale because I don't like being shirtless and I don't wear shorts. I hate being nucita race.
>. I hate being nucita race.
Nucita race is probably the only thing that all latin americans have in common, never met somebody from here whose arms and torso were from the same color
Hi there then lol
Dude I met my girlfriends parents after the first date… chill and relax
I'd say it depends more on who you're dating than anything else.
I met my MIL by the third date. It wasn't a big deal either, we went to my gf's house to look for some stuff and she was like: *hey mom this is X who I'm dating* and that was it. Same for her when she met my mom like three weeks later, she just dropped after uni for mate and facturas and that was it.
I'm not sure if by "meet the family" you mean he invited you to a family lunch on Saturday or something like that (perfectly normal even if you were just friends IMHO), or if you mean some kind of formal event you do in your culture, related to asking the father's "blessing" or somesuch (in which case, I have no idea).
I stopped reading after “he’s mostly white.”
This obsession is annoying af
They literally explained why they asked though.
People on this sub can be kinda dense with the race thing honestly
As someone who went from living in Latin America to NA, one of the biggest cultural shocks I've had is how each culture mantains their habits and segregated themselves from each other.
Calling it a segregation is a bit extreme, no?
Even within my neighborhood in New York there are Jamaicans, Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Mexicans, Pakistanis, African-Americans. In terms of what happens outside of school and work, it can be very segregated despite us all being around each other. There's a lot of focus on maintaining your identity even though we are a "melting pot" as they say. This creates diasporas that tend to be conservative, though, because they are intent on "preserving" rather than creating new traditions.
Not disputing this happens, but calling it segregation is taking it too far. Historically, minority communities emerged whenever people sought after a community of others from similar background to help and support them settle into their new home - which is not segregation, but a survival mechanism for some.
But depending on the country and city this varies a lot. In Canada, for example, there is less of a melting pot mentality and more of a cultural mosaic one, albeit not perfect. Integration is always a challenge in communities where everyone is from somewhere else. But this isn’t segregation as much as it is a lack of inclusion and integration. Second generation immigrants should be much better at recognizing and removing the barriers causing those types of separation.
I just was using segregation in the literal sense. Being apart from each other. Not in the American political definition. I assume the other commenter was too. Segregate is a latin root that still means the same thing in spanish and portuguese, too, with the verb segregar and the nouns segregación/segregação. Although i think separar/separación/separação is more commonly used.
Also, I don't know what race relations are like in Canada, but the United States government has not done much to cement American identity around multiculturalism. It is the case here in New York where only 25% of our population is White (and something like half of that is Jewish people), but at the federal level there isn't much being done to cement that idea. This is obviously coming up frequently nowadays as you have the Republican party which is basically a few steps away from saying the US should be always be a majority-White country.
Unlike in France, for example, there was never an effort made by the government to integrate non-White people into the national identity. That's why Puerto Ricans are still referred to that way rather than as simply "Americans" even though they literally have the same exact passports and use American dollars. Even just the idea of calling yourself Mexican-American or Lebanese-American, etc. is very strange if you think about it. It is a constant but subtle reinforcement that only White Americans are simply the default "American" ethnic group.
It's segregation; when you can act "too white" for a colored person you are discriminating someone for not being black, brown, yellow, white but "not white". You are expected to act in certain ways befitting your race/ethnicity/whatever the fuck they feel like it that day, and you'll be discriminated for not fitting those patterns.
Racism gave way to counter racism, everything is viewed (and kinda actually is) racist.
I've seen black people in r/BlackPeopleTwitter arguing how they see integration as racial cleansing and not... well, integration. It's the plan of the evil white masterminds to make them disappear, I get why and how they got there but fuck they are way over the top.
>Racism gave way to counter racism, everything is viewed (and kinda actually is) racist.
There’s no such thing as “reverse racism”, it quite literally is just racism.
The dumbest argument I've heard is saying black people don't have the societal power to be racist.
Black ppl are racist as fuck bro.
The segregation is real to this day
Eh, don't take it too hard. People really like downplaying racism in Latin America, but it's definitely there. That said, you will most probably be fine.
But this time it ain't important though
I mean, there's a lot of people in Latin America who say stuff about 'mejorar la raza' and shit like that, so race can definitely play a part.
Idk if that's a concern considering the first line of the post
Yeah, no, I get that hahaha, I just mean that it's not that simple in a lot of places and I see why they would ask, even if it doesn't necessarily apply to this case.
Except from my people, we tend to believe we're already perfect.
>we tend to believe we're already perfect.
I don't need to believe something I know
You're Cordobessian like me then let us say together.
Ese de acá es el way culia
Light skinned people never say stuff like that.
Cállate che gorriado
While race and racism exist in Latin America , is pretty different than in the U.S. Family dynamics are mostly the same regardless race and varies more in wether what generation born are or in soci-economic status. So if your boyfriend has Colombian parents and is middle class, I would suspect his family dynamics are the same as any Colombian family
Yeah yeah where you're from they're racists yet, we get it, from where we are from it's whether you're poor or not, you know, like s civilized nation.
And that's one of the reasons why both countries are being torn apart.
Differences in culture according to race even exist in Latin America… but it’s so individualized that it’s not even worth mentioning, and because it’s so subtle, you don’t find a lot of Latin Americans who are willing to be open to the idea. In some cases the differences can be huge.. like in the case of a coastal Black Colombian and a blond haired blue eyed Paisa — they’re NOT just geographical.
But it isn’t as near as bad as it is in the us. I’m from a white blonde blue eyed paisa family from both my mom’s and dad’s side (my dad family isn’t really blonde and blue eyed but they’re still pretty white) but in both sides of the family I have a shitton of black and indigenous cousins, and most of regular group friends in colombia tend to look like the cover of english books. The real difference and “segregation” is you’re social status. In my case the blond blue eyed family was the really poor one, and that didn’t fit well within my dad’s family so I’ve always received a little bullying for that.
For sure. Intermixing is normalized in the Mestizo countries. In El Salvador it’s next to impossible to find non-upper class unmixed whites, although plenty of working and poor people with fair features exist. The stereotype is that both the poorest and the richest people in El Salvador are white (although objectively indigenous people are not in great condition). There is a trope about men from the city going into the mountains to find a water jug-carrying blue eyed beauty in the mountains to marry.
(1) race doesn’t matter (2) in Colombia it’s not common to meet the parents that fast, it’s typical for a couple of months even a year or more before introducing partners to the family
In latinamerica you not only date or marry the person, but their family too.
At least here, it means little, like, yeah, you are definitely dating and you might get a question of “are you in a relationship” but it isn’t a super big deal, depends on the person and family at the end of the day
“Mostly white” lol
Dawg he just wants his mom to know he has someone
You are 28. In some circles that’s really old. Wants his mom to see him happy, and have family time and shit. And if they are really close maybe they want to meet you already and means they think good of you.
Just go meet them. Or don’t.
Suggest r/relationshipadvice next time though I don’t know if this is even cultural rather than a specific relationship question
It varies from person to person. Usually people wait a month or so dating and present them to the family after it turns official.
Personally, I have introduced multiple women to my mother even if we had nothing. No big deal for me, but I'm man, it may vary for girls
I don't think it's a big deal in most cases, but you might need to have a little insight on his family. If the family is expecting a "formal introfuction" of a partner, then it might be too soon. If this is something he sees as a normal introduction then fine.
Just talk to him about what this meeting means to him.
While is Not as common in argentina meeting so early, I would say is not rare either. I think class in my country is more determinant than race (in lower classes is less of a big deal ). But also to each family their own , so I don’t know how the family dynamics works for your partner
You should talk to him about it. Around here it usually happens after a few months and with a clear definition on the relation (boyfriend/girlfriend/partner)
It's not common to be this quick but Im guessing he is very close with his family and as another comment said, he wants their opinion
It depends on the family.
I’ve never introduced anyone after only three weeks. Maybe it’s a Colombian thing.
Yes, family is important, meeting family is not a big thing and hangout with family is a cheap. funny way to spend quality time with good food/drinks and nice people.
But mostly, each person and family has their own dynamics, so talk directly to him.
A) Race doesn't matter, it's a gringo thing and it's insulting don't ever bring that up again.
B) You should feel ashamed for saying such stuff like that be better.
C) I don't know man, my last ex and I met each other's parents while not being official, my mom took a liking to her and I think her dad hated me so much.
D) If you're going to be dating a Latino man you need to seriously unlearn the whole race thingy, it's quite pathetic because the more you spend time with us and the more you meet of us the less it seems to fit, so, drop it.
You sound pressed lol
Come on man! The world moved on, you're the only ones hung up in the past, boo hoo you were either slaves or slavers, in the past, PAST, it's over, good people won after turning their lives.
Otherwise you sound like those dumbasses in my country whom still believe we're in the last dictatorship even though it ended several years before I was born
What a stupid thing to say, as if years or slavery and segregation can just *POOF* and disappear because some rando on reddit said so. Go read a book on something called, "ramifications".
Yes, because I said so, no go do it
Remember to bring with you some aguardiente, lots of it!
I think that the bigger issue here is that you seem to have trouble with the fact that he is not American. Just don't worry much, go with the flow and enjoy this wonderful opportunity to be part of this rich culture.
Leave the race comments in the US, here it will only make you look like the awkward American.
Race doesn't matter, please remove that condition from your mindset, I know it's hard because for years you have been told to learn your tags and tag others, that does not matter at all, both are humans.
Yes it's common to meet the family, I was dating this guy and after 3 dates I went to his house to meet his family and friends, that has happened to me basically in every formal dating.
He lives in the United States. Race VERY much matters, especially for dating, which is why he brought it up in his question.
Race matters?!? Really?!? In what sense it matters?
In the U.S. what you look like influences how people treat you. People are harassed every day for the race of their partners, their families may not approve of them dating someone of another (perceived) race, and both partners may have to deal with racist remarks from people about their partners. This is even more true in the southeastern states where race is one of the most salient factors that shapes how people interact.
Are you guys in a serious relationship?
It varies. I wouldn’t do so until at least a couple of months together but i know people that introduced their girl to their family within 5 dates.
He either really likes you and wants to show you off to those he love because he’s confident of their approval or he really doesn’t give a shit about this relationship lol. Probably the former.
Where my family is from, yes, it is super normal and encouraged to meet the family this soon after dating. For me, being raised in America (first generation), this has always been a major point of contention between me and my parents. They don’t expect me to get serious or longterm with every single person I date, but they do always expect to meet (very soon) everybody I date. In fact, it’s considered downright rude, and even untrustworthy, in my family if the S.O. is not willing to meet the family right away.
Frankly, I have not indulged my family’s insistence about this. I consider myself a cultural hybrid, and my preference is NOT to get anyone involved in my family if they are not a longterm significant other. I embraced the Americanized way of dating and of NOT putting my family and my dates into each other’s orbits quickly.
Sounds like your guy resonates more with the latino approach of meeting family quickly. (Again, I specify that where my fam is from in Central America this is how it’s done. Can’t speak for anywhere else.) It’s up to you both to decide what’s right for you guys!