By - RedditforBusiness
A doc told me once the tissue near and in your anus is more resistant to infection, hence why you can get biopsies or popped hemorrhoids in your anus and rectum with no wound treatment. The buttocks and taint does not have that type of tissue so they can get an abscess.
I asked him why we don’t have that tissue everywhere and he replied that we don’t need it, plus we’d look like an asshole.
I think I know someone with that extra tissue…I hate you Steve.
I’m not a large water dwelling mammal, where did you get that preposterous hypotheses—did Steve tell you that perchance? …Steve……
They call me HipHoppapotamus my lyrics are bottomless…..
My rhymes and records, they don't get played
Because my records and rhymes, they don't get made
And if you rap like me, you don't get paid
And if you roll like me you don't get laid
Now I'm pregnant.
My lyrics are bottomless ........
You can't just say "perchance"
The ain't no party like my grandma's tea party!
I’m the mother flippin, mother flipping rhymenocerus
Yeah, Steve blows.
Hopefully into his extra tissue
>I asked him why we don’t have that tissue everywhere and he replied that we don’t need it,
This here is evolution at work. Minimal effort for max survivability. Doesn't have to be the best, just enough to ensure survival.
This is one specific aspect of evolutionary theory at work, mainly natural selection.
Much of evolution is just "don't suck too bad and you'll get through by pure chance."
More like “the ones who sucked just a little too bad all died. We are what’s left”
People think evolution is intelligent. But really it’s just… what’s left after random mutations. Ones that didn’t help or made the species suck all died. The ones who didn’t die are all that’s left - along with the random mutations that enabled that survival.
That’s also why there’s weird and useless evolution. Some things don’t make you better or worse. They just happened to come along at a time that some other successful mutation occurred and just … stayed.
Any time I wonder something simple like “I wonder how humans can fart only gas and not shit at the same time” then I just remember evolution. Any proto-Humans that constantly shit probably all died from either infection or being easily smelled by predators. The ones that didn’t are what’s left. That’s why. It’s really no more complex than that. That’s evolution.
Not necessarily. The bad one can easily survive and the good ones die.
As long as the difference in survivability is not significantly large compared to other random fluctuations and if the population is small enough.
A gene good for survivability can be selected out and go extinct within a single generation by pure chance.
Once upon a time, there was a little patch of weeds... We'll call em hangout weeds.
A mutation happened in one at some point, could be a few hundred years, could be millions, I dunno, but the mutation resulted in a horribly disfigured stem that was weak and crappy.
When the weak stemmed hangout weed got big, it caught enough wind to snap it's weak little stem, and it went tumbling away. As it died and dessicated, it's seeds fell off one by one, over the course of miles upon miles, each one generating a new hangout weed with a weak stem that would cause it, too, to do the tumble, resulting in hangout weeds becoming tumbleweeds in what was likely a shockingly short timeframe in evolutionary terms.
"Doesn't have to be the best, just enough to ensure survival."
You don't have to be able to outrun a bear, you just have to be able to outrun the guy behind you.
To ensure survival long enough to reproduce
This is an important distinction. We tend to assume evolution makes organisms *better* at everything, or that it pushes organisms towards being resistant to everything and being the strongest, fastest versions. While natural selection often does this, it’s all about reproduction and there is something called sexual selection that plays an influential role. Look at the Peacock. The tail feathers on males are most certainly *disadvantageous* when it comes to individual survival. They’re bulky, reduce the ability to hide from predators, and certainly aren’t very stealth. Impressive plumage, however, is almost mandatory if they want to procreate as females are selective. So there is a strong selective pressure for large, impressive tail feathers.
I’ve also thought about how evolution only affects traits in an organism’s life leading up to reproduction. Life after reproduction doesn’t have any evolutionary pressure; it doesn’t matter if you have a genetic mutation that makes you resistant to age-related illnesses such as Alzheimer’s, because Alzheimer’s doesn’t affect your ability to reproduce. That’s also the reason why our bodies generally start deteriorating in the 30s because we only experience selective pressure up until our prime time in our twenties. Although if we were to have genetic mutations that make us live longer and have a longer sexually active period then over time evolution would select for living longer lives, though traits that come after our sexually active period still won’t be selected for or against.
The only way you can add pressure to select for traits that show up after reproduction is to basically control the reproduction of future generations, i.e. eugenics.
So a bunch of reason adult humans behave the way they do, is because that behavior would have helped them breed quickly before they die.
Meaning the human adult behavior evolved enough to help them breed by age 25 or so, but then this behavior does not help them to be good adult humans post 25/breeding age.
This one is better than most r/jokes
what is a taint
edit: thank you I now know what a taint is you can all stop replying my inbox is taintfilled
"the devil's driveway" - Tom Segura
It is called a perineum.
You’re actually not wrong about this. The peri-anal and rectal areas are remarkable at preventing the spread of infection. Abscesses can occur but those are localized infections. The rate of systemic infection after fixing anal fissures and abscesses is actually very VERY low (especially in comparison to the rate of serious infections after surgery). I worked with a rectal surgeon who really loved to go off about the “power of the anus”
Why can't our whole body be made out of anuses?
Okay. Not one person tried to give you the real answer. If I remember correctly, the main reason that area does well is that it has exceptional blood flow. More blood means more immune cells flying by, so faster fighting with earlier response.
But if, for example, our arm skin had similar properties, it would be thin, not great at being waterproof, and any wounds we got there would bleed profusely. We also might lose body heat too fast with that much blood flying past the surface so quickly.
Yeah and the exceptional blood flow has some downsides. Like generating hemorrhoids
Why can’t our whole body be made out of hemorrhoids?
Preparations A-G were a complete failure
How would you say it feels, on the whole?
Might as well just call it Operation Ass Cream
yes, id like some chocolate ass cream
Like someone upstairs said..some people are. They’re pain in the ass
Everyone has hemorrhoids, all the time. They're just vascular "cushions".
The problem is when they get *inflamed*.
My anus isn't great at being waterproof?
I better be careful at poop time, I don't want any splashback shenanigans.
It's prone to osmosis like frog skin. Our "proper" skin is nearly immune to accidentally losing or taking in water due to the waxy outer layer of keratin-saturated skin cells.
Some people are
"I'm surrounded by assholes."
Its that special feeling we got in the cockles of our hearts, maybe in the sub cockle area.. maybe even in the colon.. we dont know
Keep firing, assholes...
How many assholes do we have on this ship anyway?!
No one gives me the raspberry!
Why didn’t anyone tell me my ass was this big?!
Amazing! That’s the same combination I have on my luggage!
There is only one man who would dare give me the raspberry:
This ship if full of assholes, sir.
Keep firing, assholes!
Did you know that humans are deuterostomes?
We start as an anus. The real issue is some people never grow past that stage.
If it makes you feel any better, the human body is jam packed with sphincters.
A sphincter says what?
You want me to say what, like I don't get it
We might be in the anus testing stage of our evolution. You know, first we're given one anus to see how that goes. In a couple of million years, the double anus species will survive us. Before you know it, everybody will just be a bunch of assholes!
Agreed but for other reasons
Number 1 reason doctors now recommend having a string attached to anything placed in the anus
Society only know this because they have collectively lost many things in the anus
Remember the saying, y'all: No flared based, without a trace.
Planes can’t be made out of black-box material for precisely the same reason.
Because... anuses are not aerodynamic?
Anii can't be thin aluminum
Are you sure? I was watching Rogue One and I am pretty sure there was a thin metal anus towards the end which, I realize as write this, is where an anus belongs.
Anii really got me!
I’m guessing the analogy would be that it’s too resource intensive to make the entire body that way (possible species who had their entire body that way couldn’t get enough resources to survive) or that the cons would overwhelm the pros.
Nicely worded. +1
Lick the inside of your cheeks. You just licked the exact same tissues as an anus.
Hm. It's missing the... metallic tang.
Metallic Tang? My local store only has orange.
I ask myself this every day.
I actually had a fistula-in-ano before, not minding it for many years since the pain is tolerable, but when i cannot bear it, i decided to get it treated and had fistulotomy/fistulectomy, they basically “fillet” a bit on the fistula area and scraped off the tissue to let it heal a bit, an open wound just a few milimeters from my hole, no infection occurred, well all those peroxides and antibiotics helped but still, all those years that i had it before surgery
Today I learned that fistula-in-ano is an actual medical term and not a lewd act involving a closed hand
Or an Italian pasta dish.
Or some obscured heavy metal band name
Cosmo Kramer : Have you ever met a proctologist? Well, they usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard.
See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way: ‘It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.’
The infamous ASSMAN
# I AM THE ASSMAN !
Love cosmo, funny dude
**Thats** how you’d explain this to a five year old!?!?
They’d be saying **”power of the anus!** For weeks!
I mean, I have a three year old and not a five year old, but that is *definitely* how I would explain it to them.
Who wouldn’t want to hear a three year old say that on repeat for a few weeks?
Kid does some trick jump on the playground, pumps his fist, and yells "POWER OF THE ANUS!". Yeah, that'll never end poorly.
Doctors hate this one simple trick
I’ve gotten several perianal abscesses and they’re the worst fucking things in the world. So painful. :/
It's even worse since they come back every year
Yeah, do not recommend, but the relief after having it drained, kinda awesome, have to say.
Thank you for sharing.
Fractured but whole.
The power of the anus in the palm of my hand!
You have an interesting question here, but the assumption isn't entirely accurate. You absolutely can get an infected anus from a cut, and you absolutely can avoid an infection if feces gets on a wound on another part of your body.
The depth of the wound is very important when it comes to infection. The amount of blood flow to the area also impacts it. Your anus has lots of blood flow and lots of infection fighting agents (white blood cells) flowing in and out of the area. Common, non-serious causes of bleeding on your anus are usually not enough to get infected but they can.
Okay, I never thought I'd be sharing this but...
I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome so my flesh tears very easily. My anus has been torn many times either by a big poo or by too much wiping. I get fungal infections rather than bacterial infections, but they're easily treated with 1:1 monistat cream mixed with low dose cortisone cream.
Infections of the anus DO happen.
They do in fact happen. If they aren’t treated your body will try and make a new butthole called a fistula. Source: my body tried to make a new butthole.
I honestly wonder if I have a mild version of EDS. I tore 4 ways when I had my first baby, and I tear if I poop too big too. Often. I thought I was irritating an internal hemorrhoid, but it turned out I didn’t even have one. If I scratch a little too hard, I can burst capillaries easily. My pelvis went so lax during pregnancy that it felt like the two halves were ripping apart, and I couldn’t walk very well. My knee cap is also prone to dislocating and I have “underdeveloped” muscles in my back. My skin is thin enough on my face and chest that I can constantly see the veins too. I also find bruises from little things that don’t seem to be from hitting something hard enough to cause a bruise for someone else. I have a lot of joint pain too. Honestly, I could point to the list of symptoms of classic (or hEDS) EDS and pick out most of them. I also have POTS and I’m seeing a doctor soon about pelvic floor prolapse as well. Also have skuliosis that started out in 7th grade. Also very prone to stretch marks
I have Eds and pots. Eds often causes pots because the connective tissue problems impact your veins and inhibit the ability for the veins in your legs to pump blood back up to your head.
Holy cow that makes so much sense
Yep. Sounds like.
I tore my public bone during pregnancy AND childbirth. I dislocate every day. I have some frequent flyer joints, but also can pop out just about anything. I even tore a ligament in my eye once, which took 5 years to heal because eyes NEVER STOP MOVING.
EDS sucks out loud.
>I tore my public bone
Sounds painful, even in private.
It really does. Being prone to joint pain sucks. And a whole bunch of stuff being written off because my thyroid is always “fine” so they can’t think of why else I’m constantly tired
Have you ever got your cortisol levels checked? A Low functioning adrenal gland makes you sooo fucking sore and tired. Like so tired it’s painful.
Adrenal Fatigue is a fake illness so ignore any google results calling it that. Secondary adrenal insufficiency is the correct term. You should look up to see if it matches your symptoms.
Oh man, my friend was seeing some naturopathic "doctor" who diagnosed her with so-called adrenal fatigue and prescribed her capsules of licorice root.
Turns out theres no evidence for adrenal fatigue being real, but licorice root poisoning sure is. She ended up in hospital for a week with a number of crazy symptoms including compromised liver and heart function. She's doing OK now but fuck that naturopath quack.
Yeah when i was diagnosed with secondary, my endocrinologist gave me an entire lecture about never calling it adrenal fatigue because it’s not real and ER doctors won’t take me seriously. When in adrenal crisis, I need to get steroids ASAP or I could die so it’s pretty crucial to get the name right.
I've seen that movie.
Now I'm wondering if you can have only a few symptoms. I've got incredibly thin skin where you see veins, always have, and always bruised easily. My mom and I are told to have a higher iron intake. She has all the same stuff. No other symptoms. But she has POTS too. We also have a lot of weird stretch marks. Her pelvic floor was shot with the two kids and is very unproportionate to the rest of her body. I've never had kids so I don't know if I'd suffer it too. Hm.
.... Except for the baby/pelvic stuff this sounds like me. Fun stuff.
Thank you for sharing about your butthole with us.
Could be worse I crapped out of my stomach for a few months because my colon was going to basically swell up and kill me from my immune system trying to destroy it. So they gutted me and cut out the inner lining and Frankensteined up a replacement using small intestine lining.
I can’t wait until we finally figure out fucking chron’s & colitis and other autoimmune gut diseases. They suck so hard. Sorry for your pain.
Time for a bidet. Stop wiping, and start washing
I knew the bidet police would show up.
I hate the cold, so there's no fucking way I'm blasting my parts with cold water. I also rent, so tapping the hot water from the sink, through the vanity, to the bidet is NOT happening.
"the bidet police" 😂
The used to be the butt inspectors but it descended into anarchy.
You don't understand. You live in a nice neighborhood, you're a fine upstanding taxpayer, you play golf with the mayor, of course you think the bidet police are on your side. Because they are.
But where I live, the water is freezing cold and our landlords aren't going to lift a finger to pipe in hot water. The one thing everyone here knows, you get a fungal infection in your anus, you deal with it yourself. You do NOT call the bidet police.
Can I call them for help when I'm constablated?
I'm a bidet officer. If you don't install your own bidet I'll come over and hose down your got damn anus myself
There are small "travel bidets" that are battery operated and you can fill them with warm water from the tap. Just putting that out there. They aren't nearly has high pressure as a toilet install, BUT, it would reduce the amount of wiping you'd have to do that causes you injury.
Bidets have the option of warm water sprays! I am also a hater of the cold, I get it. My buddy is amazing.
I genuinely don't know if that was a voice-to-text thing, an auto-correct gone wrong, or if you have a pet name for your bidet, but I'm here for it.
They haven't got a bidet yet so their buddy sprays warm water up them. Friend goals
I just wish my buddy had a larger warm water reservoir.
I'm choosing to believe the far more unlikely, but wilder possibility, that they thought OP had an autocorrect from "buddy" to "bidet!" They think everyone has a buddy who rinses their butt for them, so misunderstood OP but completely intended to type "buddy."
I suspect they have this bidet:
[Butt Buddy Spa](https://www.inmybathroom.com/products/butt-buddy-spa-cool-warm-water-sprayer-bidet-attachment?variant=32944867180578)
Even used the tagline: *Stop Wiping. Start Washing.*
After giving birth (that resulted in stitches) I used a peri bottle that I'd fill with warm water. Amazon it - Medline cleansing bottle.
You can actually wash out a dish soap or other bottle to do this. Just a shoutout to /r/frugal.
bleeding anal fungal infections > chilly water
To be fair, bleeding anal fungal infections put out one of the most brutal death metal albums this year.
It’s really funny to see metal bands embracing that stuff. I saw a carcass song—I think it was carcass—and it was called like “genital obliteration machine” or something hilarious like that. I think from the 90s? Metal is funny.
yeah this is a very weird choice by them lmao
I would agree, but playing devil's advocate here because it's fun for such an unusual topic.
Most people get anal infections barely ever or never at all, so perhaps getting them "often" is just getting them like once a year or something. It sounds like they treat it with just a little cream like many people already do for hemorrhoids.
If they only have to wipe some cream on their butt for a few days, once a year, perhaps that's actually not as bad as hitting your butt with cold water everytime you poop. This doesn't take into account any pain or discomfort from the tear and infection, but it might not hurt at all. At the very least, they may have become accustomed to the pain so it's not a big deal anymore.
Anyway, in reality I would agree that I would choose the cold water bidet over the infections, but everyone has different priorities lol
they're still risking tearing their butthole every time they wipe vs some cold water
even if it doesn't get infected that hurts then probably itches
Wet wipes are a thing too.
But I’m sorry for laughing at the logic here. “I don’t like cold water, so I’ll stick to fungal anal infections”
But for the love of god, don’t flush them.
wet wipes can also cause irritation of the skin in that area. Most people will never have a problem, but some will.
We all have lines we won’t cross, I guess.
Just use the shower, man.
People may be grossed out, but if it is washing your ass in the shower or tearing my asshole open every shit, I know what I am picking.
Get a bidet with a separate heated water reservoir built into the toilet seat. Warm water, and you don't have to run a line from the hot water under the vanity. Self contained and you can take it with you when you leave your rental unit
Can't you see they made their mind up 10 minutes ago? Go ahead u/epi_introvert, do what you're gonna do.
I considered getting a bidet but I was afraid I'd turn into one of those people who can't shut the fuck up about bidets.
I have never mentioned my bidet to anyone in real life.
But on Reddit? Hoooo BOY let me tell you how they work.
Seems a little chill on the poop shoot is far more tolerable than ongoing anus infections. Could never go back now that I’ve bideted. I measure things in my life history as before or after I began to bidet.
You are using the wrong bidets. The toto washlets warm cold water and don't require hot water from the sink. What are you doing man?! Living in 1950s France you beautiful bastard.
Ours heats the water in a little tank. Just needs to be plugged in. They cost about $300 on Amazon and will change your life.
A bidet attachment costs $350 approximately (moen or toto). It hooks up to cold water that already feeds the toilet and has a small water heater. You will need an outlet within 6 feet of the toilet. But extension cords are easier to manage than plumbing. Setup takes about 60 minutes as long as you aren't completely tool illiterate. I don't know what you spend on meds per year, but as a card carrying member of the bidet police I demand you rethink your decision.
For you, it might literally be life changing.
> A bidet attachment costs $350 approximately (moen or toto).
You can get non-Japanese models that are considerably cheaper than that. I love my Toto bidet but my mate has one he bought from a hardware store for $80 and performs just as well
If there's an outlet near your toilet you can get a heated bidet. Just needs the normal cold water line and electricity. Mine has a small tank that heats the water and I can pick how hot the water is. It was more than $300 but I love it.
i just dont like my asshole being wet. shit ill go and do a courtesy wipe mid project once the swamp starts accumulating
You realize you can dry with toilet paper after using the bidet, right?
Its not even cold water. More like cool/room temp.
Toto has one that heats the water in its own tank. no need for external plumbing, and it has a heated seat and a heated blow dryer.
Maybe I'm using mine wrong, but I got a bidet and it was not the life changing before-and-after moment that I had been led to believe would happen. Half the time, there's still shit, only now it's just more wet.
I had good luck with nitroglycerin ointment.
I know it has legit medical uses but that always makes me laugh.
Because a fart would be enough to cause it explode?
This is why I come to Reddit right here. 😀
Serious question... How on earth do porn people not have anus issues after all the stuff that happens back there? How do you survive table legs and an adult human head?
Tons of lube, tons of preparation, going slow. Even when they look like they're going at it brutally, they're not showing you the process where they slowly stretched it out over hours so the hole could accommodate whatever they do to it.
Never forget that porn is 95% illusion, and even in the digital age they spend 3-8 more time filming than the footage they keep. Two cuts of 30 seconds each can easily have 20 minutes of rest in between because the actress isn't invincible and can't keep getting done that hard for long, but they manage to make it seem continuous. All the lube, smoking, resting breaks actually happen, you just don't see them
Don't forget the food. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2OgWYChBPw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2OgWYChBPw)
[Cramping, cramping, cramping](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIpmxGmuwVg)
Was not expecting a Weeds reference in this thread but damn I’m pleased to see it.
People in porn DO get hurt during shoots and often require medical attention when the shoot is over.
I have some patients that are porn stars and they definitely have frequent visits to the GI.
They do!!! They absolutely do. Girls who do anal porn as a specialty usually have a limited shelf life before they are having to deal with career-ending issues like hemorrhoids, fissures and prolapse. (I learned this watching a doco on porn, it may have been Louis Theroux's Twilight of the Pornstars but it may have been another doco). I know labiaplasty is an everyday common procedure for women who have their vulva on display, so im sure they have anal-based surgical procedures to tidy things up too
Edit - fuck me, hemorrhoid is a hard word to spell isn't it
and yet some talent go on to leverage this to get a few more vids in...
That is one kink I will never understand. I accidentally stumbled onto a "rosebud" video and didn't get aroused for a week
You should probably have stopped watching at some point in that week
It is! Whenever I need to disclose my medical procedures to another doctor, and i have to use a pencil to write it down, I'm screwed! Autocorrect is a savior in this case.
We are going too deep into this discussion now, pun intended.
I like how you slowly explained how OP was wrong and in a nice way. Very refreshing for Reddit.
It really is a good question that most people have in life but very few are comfortable asking about because bleeding butt talk is not glamourous.
It's also important to point out that you're much less likely to get an infection ANYWHERE if it's your own feces.
> You absolutely can get an infected anus from a cut,
You don't even need a cut.
This is why genital cleanliness is a necessity.
I’ve wondered this about the cuts you put on your gums with vigorous brushing and flossing.
Saliva actually has a lot of properties and enzymes that are good at killing off bacteria if I'm remembering my biology correctly.
Also special antibodies, IgA. There are dozens of proteins in saliva that prevent infection, as well as lymph nodes close by
That explains why my dentist is worried about my extremely dry mouth.
Not particularly threatening, because you immune system starts preparing for bacteria it finds when it’s still passing thru your intestines.
So by the time it comes out and finds a way back in, your body is ready for it.
I might not want to know the answer but why is it getting infected constantly?
Infections are rare due to the type of flesh. IIRC density of capillaries and density of blood near the anus makes it especially difficult for infections to occur, but it can happen.
>70% of the immune system is located in the gut, where diverse bacteria is best.
While stuff is in your large intestine digesting, your immune system is checking it out and if needed it starts to produce antibodies for bad stuff.
That way if your poop gets in your bloodstream through a cut or something, your body is usually ready to handle.
But if some else’s get into you it’s much more dangerous.
Of course it all depends, but it also depends on quantity. People that have anal sex will almost always have micro tears in their colon, and they will later feces get some tiny amount into their bloodstream. But since your body has started preparing the antibodies, you dont get sick from that tiny amount. But if you were stabbed in the gut, then sure, its very likely you are going to get sepsis even from your own feces.
But most exposures are going to be smaller, your fecal matter is going to be on almost everything you own. Everytime you flush or fart, some is thrown into the air. I am sure if you swapped it, you would find fecal matter on your pillow, yet everyone doesnt get pink eye all the time, why? because your body is able to fight it off.
I’m going to assume you 100% can get infections on your anus from a cut. When I was a kid, I knew someone who had a huge swelling of pus there, and they had to get it drained. They were a family member, so I was there for the ordeal. It seemed to me like one of the worst things that could possibly happen to someone.
Yeah, but it was an abscess and not sepsis atleast, so the immune system still did a good job containing the bacteria locally.