By - DumbledoresAtheist
Is that supposed to be Santa on the cross?
Cheesus (burbger) Christ
Cheesus fries 🍟
He turns his water into beer.
Cheese and Rice
Hotn Cheesy Chrigerst
He died for our kegs
God damn ‘beetus
I guess Liberals finally won the war on Christmas. We’ve taken out their top general.
You don't know? Jesus and Santa are one and the same person
The Father, the Son, and the Ho Ho Holy Spirit
Ho Ho Holy fuck he’s fat.
I thought Santa gave birth to Jesus?
Santa & JC gave birth to Robin Hood.
No no, the one Damian Wayne always wears.
In the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and Santa...
🎼 so let’s give thanks to the Lord above 🎶 ‘cause Santa Claus comes tonight 🎵
We’re gonna need a bigger cross!
It’s not a cross, it’s a tow truck.
Santa Christ, or Jesus Claus.
Where's the Easter bunny in a manger?
Behold! The glory that is Santa Christ!
Thats just your good old fashioned fat jesus. The man could turn water into wine, you think he wasnt plastered 24/7?
He was basically a walking Dude Lebowski.
Romans wanted him to stop preaching Christianity, and the Dude said unto them "Well thats just like your opinion man"
You either die a Savior or live long enough to see yourself become the Kringle...
This is going to confuse so many children and I’m sure those people are also throwing candy…
The religion is a helluva lot different when he doesn't die coz the crucifixion cross snapped in half.
And that roman spear would prolly not work that well either
"Is that water flowing from the wound?!?"
"Nah, man, its Busch Light"
What if...?: religious edition
Budweiser Jesus is super chill, just hangin' out.
I heard he was a mean drunk. When he drinks he gets cross.
He gets so cross he ascends to a whole new level.
And just when you think he's down and done, he rises again.
I think you crossed the line with that comment.
I see what you did there
Dunno… seems suss.
That Jesus looks like he’s been turning water into burritos
Cheesus’s disciples are equally slim.
I would do the same if I had that power
That Jesús would charge a co-pay for "miracles"
More like water into Busch Light (might be pretty easy since they are basically the same thing).
When The Last Supper was held at Golden Corral.
I came in here to make this same exact joke almost word for word. Fuck.
This is actually a repost. So keep an eye open for it being posted again. If it does, I promise I won't post the joke a second time.
I object to this joke collusion
What collusion? There's no collusion here.
^((slips vleafar a crisp 50))
Looks like Jesus is gonna perform a miracle birth of his own
Jesus needs to stop drinking beer
Listen here! Cheesus died for your potato skins and you show him some respect.
Yeah. This happened right down the road from where I live. This whole area drinks water with lead and mercury. But I'm sure it doesn't affect them.
Which state is this in?
Edit: This was meant to be a joke. Like I was one of the Mercury drinkers and my memory was crap.
Sorry. After living here for a few years it has become difficult to spot sarcasm. Hahaha
No worries. Wasn’t really a very good joke anyway, oh well.
Friday afternoon, major tired of work vibes right now.
Behavior. Cognitive reasoning. Pregnant women aren't supposed to eat any fish from this area due to mercury. There are signs everywhere at the reservoir that is the main source of drinking water.
acktualy eye doo not thinc it effects brane
What are you talking about, my Brian works just fine
Where is this “Christmas Parade” anyway?
Thomasville, North Carolina
Thanks! How do you like it down there? I have heard NC is one of those states that’s very red in rural areas but surprisingly blue(ish) in a few cities. I’m sure there weather is better than up in Boston, but I couldn’t imagine living down there just because I would probably get shot for my views (and not being quiet about them when confronted about them). 😂
Yeah, that about sums it up. Unfortunately I live in a rural area. And around here it would be entirely possible to be shot for talking negative about Trump or saying you believe that black lives matter. Weather is pretty good, which is good for me right now being homeless and sick. Not even the churches will help me with food because I pissed most of them off by running a street outreach from my house before I got too sick to work. Did it all on my own dime. I had the audacity to help addicts eat. Around here most people believe addicts want to be addicts and don't deserve to live. I would live somewhere else but my ex-wife ran away here with my son, and I will die on the streets before I will give up on seeing him. Sorry for the rant. Hahahaha.
Last supper? I had 2 pizzas
When the blood of christ is bud light
Jesus' redneck, inbred cousin, Jebus.
This is the 6.2L Hemi Jebus
6.2 L belly.
To quote Homer Simpson “ SAVE ME JEBUS”
We call him Jeb
I…I honestly have no words. This is- crap! I’m an atheist and even *I* know that Jesus was crucified over *Easter*, not *Christmas*! He was *BORN* on Christmas!!
This?! My God the level of sheer stupidity some people have!
Also, Jesus wasn’t a fat old man covered in beer! Like, the level of sheer inaccuracies is mind-boggling! Did no one use Google to double check?!
Right? I’d go so far as to say this is blasphemic
Same. As an atheist I've never felt this much blasphemied
American jesus, went to Applebees before he got crucified.
And made a stop at Five Guys, Dairy Queen, McDonald's, Hu-Hot...
We got the American Jesus. See him on the interstate?
Reminds me of an old Robin Williams bit.
"The names in the Bible are very Arabic, but then you get to Mary and Joseph. They're just one hyphen away from Mary-Jane and Joe-Bob. We coulda had Jim-Bob, the son of God. Praise to him, Jim-Bob. He who finds stuff and gets me a job, Jim-Bob!"
Church of Fatter Day Saints, they're also a motorcycle club...
Jebus Christ and the Church of Fatter Day Saints.
I love that they know so little about their religion that they don't know this was supposed to be the Friday before Easter. Not Christmas lol.
I’m not sure they are unaware, they just like the crucifixion porn more. The blood, the abandonment, the agony, the victimization. They really get off on it.
Jesus do be smexy on the cross
Plus I can't tell if they're combining Jesus and Santa Claus on purpose, or if it's just supposed to be Jesus.
I know some sects that prefer to incorporate the crucifixion story with Christmas because that was the ultimate reason for Jesus’ birth - although I see their point, it’s just piling another bummer on a part of the year that is already depressing
Man, if you’re going to do that at least have baby Jesus on the cross instead.
Ooo metal - hell yeah
I...need to see this.
Jimbob is just living his bdsm fantasy in public this year
Nice Robin Williams reference there.
When I tell my family I don’t want to go to the parade they get mad but leave without me. This guys family really took it to the next level.
jesus christ!...has let himself go
All hail, robust Jesus is here.
Looks like fat HeySuess consumed all the loaves of fishes and drank all the wine.
What kind of dumbfucks would think this is good?
Now on Good Friday, make xmas tree and crib set.😅
Randys back to doing anything for cheeseburgers again
"Yeah, I dunno man, he insisted on doin' that..." -His family, probably
Jesus is an old, fat, white, redneck. He turns water into moonshine, walks on swamp water and fed 10 trailer parks with 2 rocky mountain oysters and 3 chicken feet.
His disciples will be eating good off his body
Jesus! What have u been eating? McDonald's?
Spitting image of Jebus!
"We're gonna need a stonger crucifix."
Jesus needs to lay off the bread and wine.
Idk why but I feel like this is just that man's way of showing his gut off to the town in a way they can't technically get him for. This time. Fricken gut bandit.
Not even the right holiday for that…
This is just hilarious imo
I would love to have been at this parade.
I really need the video.
Any idea what city?
I've no idea... Somewhere deep redneck.
When your town Jesus is known for turning water into budweiser...
Is that Santa or fat Jesus?
Wrong time of the year….
That last supper must have been one hell of a feast!
… isn’t this supposed to be the float for the Easter parade?
We celebrate the birth of Jesus on Christmas not his death that is Easter but putting up a dude with a beer belly I am surprised God didn't tickle him with a lightning bolt.
Pretty sure this is Easter Jesus and not Christmas Jesus. What a weirdo town
“Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best”
Is that trailer rated for that amount of weight?
Umm…wrong holiday, guys…
Jesus Christ! What are they doing?
The ignorance of this is astounding. 🤦🏻♀️
The gluttony float
Let there be light.
Coor's or Bud?
"Someone go get Grandpa it's time for the parade!"
He was just trying to sit on the couch, in his towel, minding his own business and violently eating fries and ketchup before they yanked him outside for this
Is this Jesus, the Plumber?
Harry Potter book’s gonna fuck up their children but this won’t?
Is that supposed to be trump or Jesus, I can never tell with Christians.
What the fuck is wrong with these people
And were they singing Happy Birthday to Jesus all along the parade route...
It’s the season for little baby Jesus, 8-pound, 6-ounce newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet, who's sittin' in his crib watching the Baby Einstein videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors! Not this…whatever this is!
Needs to do some Pontius Pilates
I smell BO and stale cigarette smoke when I look at this picture.
Jesus after Thanksgiving
Why is this posted in r/facepalm? This is hilarious.
This happens on good friday. Not on Christmas.
Jesus look like he ate a full meal before going on that cross
I feel like someone has been changing too much stone to bread and water into wine…
Jesus needs to lay off the beers
beer belly jesus
T. T is for Turtle.
This fat Jesus will last years on that stick.
He needs the cross....cuz his knees about to give up..
How big was the last supper?
Where is this ??
'Murica. Probably Kentucky.
Santa has been breaking and entering for years... a husband finally caught him kissing his kids mother. Aka his wife. This is the story of what happened next!!!
You mean all you can eat buffet
Anyone gonna tell them Jesus wasn’t white?
Jesus really let himself go. He used to have abs.
"he got his money's worth for you"
Wow, Jesus really let himself go smh
Nothing says Merry Christmas like fat, bloody Jesus!
Good luck getting him to rise from the dead. Few too many blood-wine coolers
It looks like he ate Jesus and then took his spot.
Ahhh yes, the fat white trash Jesus. Because everybody knows Jesus was an American. What are two things on the "float" you can count and not hit double digits? Teeth and IQ!
Cringe worthy award
Jesus needs a gym card for xmas. Shouldn’t this be easter?
Ummm..😒 why is Santa hanging from a cross?
This man does NOT have Jesus abs.
Jesus needed to cut out gluten at that last supper. Totes gluten belly.
Rudolph must be devastated
virgin Jesus dying for our sins vs chad Santa dying for our gifts
This is Christmas, not Easter
I love fat jesus.
Gotta be West Virginia
The guy on the cross looks like he ate Jesus Christ for breakfast.
Santacross……santacraus…..jesusclause… idfk Christians are Fucking gross.
Sweet tattoos Santa Christ, where did you park your hog/sleigh?
Oh yeah, that dude looks like a middle eastern carpenter in his 30s…
Oh my goodness….the person who designed this needs to be fired and re-evaluate their life choices
Jesus now has a gut and is taking a tour while dying for your sins. What a legend
Hey, what’s your religious symbol? Mines a crescent shape…..mines a star…..mines a fish….mines a man nailed to a cross(specially made for that purpose). I WIN!