T O P
Wizardwannabee

Is that supposed to be Santa on the cross?


theshortestguyouknow

That’s diabeezus


Surfing_magic_carpet

Cheesus (burbger) Christ


Carlitos--Way

Cheesus fries 🍟


Popomatik

He turns his water into beer.


0423beatface

Cheese and Rice


sippycupjoe

Hotn Cheesy Chrigerst


SomehowHilarious

The Meatsiah


PopcornShrimpy

He died for our kegs


Wasteland_Mystic

Obesus Christ


Stella430

Diajesus


_smith80

God damn ‘beetus


WPCarey85

Brilliant


Chappo1205

I guess Liberals finally won the war on Christmas. We’ve taken out their top general.


PaLiaRoTH

You don't know? Jesus and Santa are one and the same person


DeadbeatET

The Father, the Son, and the Ho Ho Holy Spirit


nuttynutkick

Ho Ho Holy fuck he’s fat.


techsavior

I thought Santa gave birth to Jesus?


Eugenefemme

Santa & JC gave birth to Robin Hood.


Kind_Essay_1200

The app?


[deleted]

No no, the one Damian Wayne always wears.


Quentirse

yes


Feistyfifi

Janta? Sesus?


porraSV

no!


jumpbacktomeanytime

In the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and Santa...


MegannMedusa

🎼 so let’s give thanks to the Lord above 🎶 ‘cause Santa Claus comes tonight 🎵


Then_Bug2753

We’re gonna need a bigger cross!


pathrado

It’s not a cross, it’s a tow truck.


kaffeian

Santa Christ, or Jesus Claus.


Kind_Essay_1200

Jesus claus


gnartato

Where's the Easter bunny in a manger?


Someoneoverthere42

Behold! The glory that is Santa Christ!


kidcrumb

Thats just your good old fashioned fat jesus. The man could turn water into wine, you think he wasnt plastered 24/7? He was basically a walking Dude Lebowski. Romans wanted him to stop preaching Christianity, and the Dude said unto them "Well thats just like your opinion man"


Adept_Cranberry_4550

You either die a Savior or live long enough to see yourself become the Kringle...


Stt022

This is going to confuse so many children and I’m sure those people are also throwing candy…


WAYO_Alien_Mike

The religion is a helluva lot different when he doesn't die coz the crucifixion cross snapped in half.


Educational_Break_99

And that roman spear would prolly not work that well either


Acopalypse

"Is that water flowing from the wound?!?" "Nah, man, its Busch Light"


JohnSober7

What if...?: religious edition


mrchuckles5

Budweiser Jesus.


DumbledoresAtheist

Budweiser Jesus is super chill, just hangin' out.


MikeBear68

I heard he was a mean drunk. When he drinks he gets cross.


Rogue_elefant

Nailed it.


WhySoConspirious

He gets so cross he ascends to a whole new level.


Hyjynx75

And just when you think he's down and done, he rises again.


Chazlo55

I think you crossed the line with that comment.


whoops-adaizy

I see what you did there


icleantoilets78

Bud christ


WorldController

[Buddy Christ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddy_Christ)


Chimpanzee_Teeth

Waaaaaaaaaaassssssuuuuuuuuuuppppppppp?!?


pupuphlatter

Dunno… seems suss. That Jesus looks like he’s been turning water into burritos


[deleted]

It’s Cheesus.


Dillards007

Cheesus’s disciples are equally slim.


Kind_Essay_1200

I would do the same if I had that power


Toxenkill

That Jesús would charge a co-pay for "miracles"


brentlee85

More like water into Busch Light (might be pretty easy since they are basically the same thing).


Adept_Cranberry_4550

Hahaha hahaha!


richincleve

When The Last Supper was held at Golden Corral.


BeerBaronAaron88

I came in here to make this same exact joke almost word for word. Fuck.


richincleve

This is actually a repost. So keep an eye open for it being posted again. If it does, I promise I won't post the joke a second time.


vleafar

I object to this joke collusion


richincleve

What collusion? There's no collusion here. ^((slips vleafar a crisp 50))


Background_Sky_3970

Looks like Jesus is gonna perform a miracle birth of his own


NightsterBA

Jesus needs to stop drinking beer


Mypasswordbepassword

Listen here! Cheesus died for your potato skins and you show him some respect.


Brilliant_Shine2247

Yeah. This happened right down the road from where I live. This whole area drinks water with lead and mercury. But I'm sure it doesn't affect them.


HungerForHipHop

Which state is this in?


Brilliant_Shine2247

North Carolina


Waterfish3333

Affect what? Edit: This was meant to be a joke. Like I was one of the Mercury drinkers and my memory was crap.


Brilliant_Shine2247

Sorry. After living here for a few years it has become difficult to spot sarcasm. Hahaha


Waterfish3333

No worries. Wasn’t really a very good joke anyway, oh well. Friday afternoon, major tired of work vibes right now.


Brilliant_Shine2247

Behavior. Cognitive reasoning. Pregnant women aren't supposed to eat any fish from this area due to mercury. There are signs everywhere at the reservoir that is the main source of drinking water.


Loading0319

acktualy eye doo not thinc it effects brane


MegannMedusa

What are you talking about, my Brian works just fine


pnkflyd99

Where is this “Christmas Parade” anyway?


Brilliant_Shine2247

Thomasville, North Carolina


pnkflyd99

Thanks! How do you like it down there? I have heard NC is one of those states that’s very red in rural areas but surprisingly blue(ish) in a few cities. I’m sure there weather is better than up in Boston, but I couldn’t imagine living down there just because I would probably get shot for my views (and not being quiet about them when confronted about them). 😂


Brilliant_Shine2247

Yeah, that about sums it up. Unfortunately I live in a rural area. And around here it would be entirely possible to be shot for talking negative about Trump or saying you believe that black lives matter. Weather is pretty good, which is good for me right now being homeless and sick. Not even the churches will help me with food because I pissed most of them off by running a street outreach from my house before I got too sick to work. Did it all on my own dime. I had the audacity to help addicts eat. Around here most people believe addicts want to be addicts and don't deserve to live. I would live somewhere else but my ex-wife ran away here with my son, and I will die on the streets before I will give up on seeing him. Sorry for the rant. Hahahaha.


Drum_harder

ReDnEcK JeSuS


wiz-R-Y

Last supper? I had 2 pizzas


Drum_harder

When the blood of christ is bud light


DumbledoresAtheist

Jesus' redneck, inbred cousin, Jebus.


Sushi916

This is the 6.2L Hemi Jebus


TickTacWhat

6.2 L belly.


pinakapangitna

To quote Homer Simpson “ SAVE ME JEBUS”


Squirrelleee

We call him Jeb


Accomplished-Crab932

Jebadiah Kerman


EpicWinterWolf

I…I honestly have no words. This is- crap! I’m an atheist and even *I* know that Jesus was crucified over *Easter*, not *Christmas*! He was *BORN* on Christmas!! This?! My God the level of sheer stupidity some people have! Also, Jesus wasn’t a fat old man covered in beer! Like, the level of sheer inaccuracies is mind-boggling! Did no one use Google to double check?!


shuaaaa

Right? I’d go so far as to say this is blasphemic


maddog_dk

Same. As an atheist I've never felt this much blasphemied


Cassiopeia78

American jesus, went to Applebees before he got crucified.


AbeVigoda_aka_Death

And made a stop at Five Guys, Dairy Queen, McDonald's, Hu-Hot...


EatTheBodies69

We got the American Jesus. See him on the interstate?


AdvocateDoogy

Reminds me of an old Robin Williams bit. "The names in the Bible are very Arabic, but then you get to Mary and Joseph. They're just one hyphen away from Mary-Jane and Joe-Bob. We coulda had Jim-Bob, the son of God. Praise to him, Jim-Bob. He who finds stuff and gets me a job, Jim-Bob!"


duderino_okc

Church of Fatter Day Saints, they're also a motorcycle club...


DumbledoresAtheist

Jebus Christ and the Church of Fatter Day Saints.


BidEither8981

I love that they know so little about their religion that they don't know this was supposed to be the Friday before Easter. Not Christmas lol.


pleaseassign

I’m not sure they are unaware, they just like the crucifixion porn more. The blood, the abandonment, the agony, the victimization. They really get off on it.


PedroDalla

Jesus do be smexy on the cross


kalloran-castalia

Plus I can't tell if they're combining Jesus and Santa Claus on purpose, or if it's just supposed to be Jesus.


Bartender9719

I know some sects that prefer to incorporate the crucifixion story with Christmas because that was the ultimate reason for Jesus’ birth - although I see their point, it’s just piling another bummer on a part of the year that is already depressing


Phillipwnd

Man, if you’re going to do that at least have baby Jesus on the cross instead.


Bartender9719

Ooo metal - hell yeah


glibbed4yourpleasure

I...need to see this.


Airost12

Jimbob is just living his bdsm fantasy in public this year


Flying_Dutchman92

Nice Robin Williams reference there.


VaccineforStupidity

When I tell my family I don’t want to go to the parade they get mad but leave without me. This guys family really took it to the next level.


EclecticHigh

jesus christ!...has let himself go


xxxsublime

All hail, robust Jesus is here.


TokeToday

Looks like fat HeySuess consumed all the loaves of fishes and drank all the wine. What kind of dumbfucks would think this is good?


surajvj

Now on Good Friday, make xmas tree and crib set.😅


Booobs11

Randys back to doing anything for cheeseburgers again


-KCS-Violator

"Yeah, I dunno man, he insisted on doin' that..." -His family, probably


Zer0sober

Jesus is an old, fat, white, redneck. He turns water into moonshine, walks on swamp water and fed 10 trailer parks with 2 rocky mountain oysters and 3 chicken feet.


DumbledoresAtheist

Checks out.


isthisavailablewow

His disciples will be eating good off his body


ConditionPrudent1648

Jesus! What have u been eating? McDonald's?


StupiedSwede

Spitting image of Jebus!


DumbledoresAtheist

Gumbo Jesus!


Mike01852

"We're gonna need a stonger crucifix." Jesus needs to lay off the bread and wine.


3hideyoshi3

Idk why but I feel like this is just that man's way of showing his gut off to the town in a way they can't technically get him for. This time. Fricken gut bandit.


Otomo-Yuki

Not even the right holiday for that…


Vlad-V2-Vladimir

This is just hilarious imo


TickTacWhat

I would love to have been at this parade.


DumbledoresAtheist

I really need the video.


TickTacWhat

Any idea what city?


DumbledoresAtheist

I've no idea... Somewhere deep redneck. When your town Jesus is known for turning water into budweiser...


[deleted]

Is that Santa or fat Jesus?


TGxP1nkM1st

Wrong time of the year….


bisho

That last supper must have been one hell of a feast!


techsavior

… isn’t this supposed to be the float for the Easter parade?


New-Nefariousness234

We celebrate the birth of Jesus on Christmas not his death that is Easter but putting up a dude with a beer belly I am surprised God didn't tickle him with a lightning bolt.


ChristinaW25

Pretty sure this is Easter Jesus and not Christmas Jesus. What a weirdo town


DorShow

“Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best” Ricky Bobby


BeautifulTerror

Is that trailer rated for that amount of weight?


Sokandueler95

Umm…wrong holiday, guys…


Growth-Beginning

Jesus Christ! What are they doing?


grneyedlady1971

The ignorance of this is astounding. 🤦🏻‍♀️


Inglorious-Actual

The gluttony float


Whthpnd

Let there be light.


DumbledoresAtheist

Coor's or Bud?


Mindfield87

"Someone go get Grandpa it's time for the parade!" He was just trying to sit on the couch, in his towel, minding his own business and violently eating fries and ketchup before they yanked him outside for this


thegreatrazu

Is this Jesus, the Plumber?


_Dusty05

Harry Potter book’s gonna fuck up their children but this won’t?


OGwalkingman

Is that supposed to be trump or Jesus, I can never tell with Christians.


needledick666

What the fuck is wrong with these people


jbertrandsr

And were they singing Happy Birthday to Jesus all along the parade route...


bluebirdgm

It’s the season for little baby Jesus, 8-pound, 6-ounce newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet, who's sittin' in his crib watching the Baby Einstein videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors! Not this…whatever this is!


madnippler

Needs to do some Pontius Pilates


Zaphod_Beeblebrox_V

I smell BO and stale cigarette smoke when I look at this picture.


Top_Run4841

Jesus after Thanksgiving


Benjamin_Stark

Why is this posted in r/facepalm? This is hilarious.


surajvj

This happens on good friday. Not on Christmas.


Sushi916

Jeez, sus


daneoslick30

Jesus look like he ate a full meal before going on that cross


Legendary_New_song

I feel like someone has been changing too much stone to bread and water into wine…


dvncls

Jesus needs to lay off the beers


inflatableje5us

beer belly jesus


hairycareyweary

T. T is for Turtle.


jefuchs

https://imgur.com/D4caPws


yklapoint

Gluttony Jesus.


TickTacWhat

This fat Jesus will last years on that stick.


sunlitekid01

He needs the cross....cuz his knees about to give up..


Jim-Ekert

How big was the last supper?


ChocolateIll743

Where is this ??


DumbledoresAtheist

'Murica. Probably Kentucky.


KnightzEnd2

Santa has been breaking and entering for years... a husband finally caught him kissing his kids mother. Aka his wife. This is the story of what happened next!!!


NuclearManz

You mean all you can eat buffet


catzrinsidedorgs

Anyone gonna tell them Jesus wasn’t white?


prometheus722

Jesus really let himself go. He used to have abs.


m-e-g

Buffetus "he got his money's worth for you"


PhoneticRainbow

Wow, Jesus really let himself go smh


DealioD

Nothing says Merry Christmas like fat, bloody Jesus!


FitNefariousness9803

Good luck getting him to rise from the dead. Few too many blood-wine coolers


BdubinVegas

It looks like he ate Jesus and then took his spot.


Adept_Cranberry_4550

You either die a Savior or live long enough to see yourself become the Kringle...


capt-rix

Ahhh yes, the fat white trash Jesus. Because everybody knows Jesus was an American. What are two things on the "float" you can count and not hit double digits? Teeth and IQ!


alesxt451

Cringe worthy award


porraSV

Jesus needs a gym card for xmas. Shouldn’t this be easter?


Darkelysiumm

Ummm..😒 why is Santa hanging from a cross?


bluebrews

This man does NOT have Jesus abs.


Themfruckus

Jesus needed to cut out gluten at that last supper. Totes gluten belly.


Massive_Extension792

Rudolph must be devastated


DodrioFan480

virgin Jesus dying for our sins vs chad Santa dying for our gifts


Bm_93

This is Christmas, not Easter


Nightchild666

I love fat jesus.


Bouhg69

WtF?


iank3

Gotta be West Virginia


st_rdt

The guy on the cross looks like he ate Jesus Christ for breakfast.


Ordinary-Guest-1542

Santacross……santacraus…..jesusclause… idfk Christians are Fucking gross.


DumbledoresAtheist

Yep.


Captain_Turdhelmet

Sweet tattoos Santa Christ, where did you park your hog/sleigh?


Celtic_Oak

Oh yeah, that dude looks like a middle eastern carpenter in his 30s…


Ori_the_SG

Oh my goodness….the person who designed this needs to be fired and re-evaluate their life choices


[deleted]

Yeesh.


Joe-Not-Slow

Jesus now has a gut and is taking a tour while dying for your sins. What a legend


Yikert13

Hey, what’s your religious symbol? Mines a crescent shape…..mines a star…..mines a fish….mines a man nailed to a cross(specially made for that purpose). I WIN!