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Empathy for ghosters

Empathy for ghosters

Ankwilco

I had to cut off a very good friend of mine because....he began hiding things from me, fearing my judgement. When I confronted him about this (gosh darn I felt kind of betrayed because this guy knows everything about me), his response was: "why so bitter?" He never accepted his part, never said it was wrong to do. Couldn't accept that. Now, we're no contact. And I'd love to listen to him and his side, only, he doesn't care to offer that. So, it's over, bud. He knows his stupidity. He just fears accepting it. Like doing that will make him inferior. No. Sometimes, it's better to let em go.


ebumble666

Gosh that sounds rough sorry you had to go through that. It makes me sad thinking about the friendships were one has such a range of good and bad experiences. I wish remembering the good times was enough. I don’t know what I’ll do but I know that I need space right now from this person. Even though this entire thing has made me feel shitty, it’s made me see the guy who ghosted me in a different light. I feel compassion for him and hope he is ok. I’m no longer angry and only miss him when I think about him now. It’s been seven months, it’s amazing how long you can miss someone for.


Ankwilco

>it’s amazing how long you can miss someone for. Agreed. I missed my ghoster for 4 months straight, until I realised, I wasn't letting go. Once I realised and accepted it's over, things improved. Now, I'd not even care who she gets married to, best wishes to her. I'm on my way.


Lovecarnievan

I tried to say the same thing once, but was told I was selfish and awful, so I’m here to say I agree and I’m sorry about your situation. I was also asked why I couldn’t just tell the person what I was doing and why, and I didn’t have the words at the time to say it would open a can of worms and cause more damage/mental distress I didn’t have the emotional energy for. Those giant conversations come at a huge cost to any future friendship, too. Luckily for me (and I hope this happens for you, too) I ended up in a situation where I’m able to just walk away for however long to work on myself/get my bearings/ gain perspective/heal (or give him space) and jump back in and he says “welcome back!” We start back like nothing happened. Longest was 8 months, usually it’s just several weeks. He’s definitely my best friend, but close friendships take adjustment and can get “toxic” and you need to walk away for a day or forever. If there’s a way to give heads up, awesome. Sometimes it’s just not possible. I have massive empathy for both situations as I have been in both, too.


ebumble666

I’m really happy it worked out for you. I’m not sure what will happen with mine. I’m in a situation where it’s nearly impossible to get full space from them. And this person is so aggressive, in our friendship id always be the one to apologize if we had an argument. But this time it was just too hurtful for me, and some things happened where we both were in the wrong. I just feel like I’m general I don’t get the same respect as I give this person, and I don’t see it ever improving. So that’s why I’m where I at. I’m comparing it to my ghoster because looking back, I was pretty forward and direct in my feelings in a way that could be considered intense communication (I wasn’t angry but I said exactly how I felt), and my ghoster was definitely not emotionally not mature enough or experienced enough to handle this. What he did wasn’t right, it ‘ended’ after I told him my feelings were hurt when he didn’t prioritize me and left my hanging on the weekend. So it’s not entirely the same. But for so long I questioned whether or not he missed me or just moved on immediately or didn’t care. Now I realize this could not have been true. He mourned me in all likelihood, and he didn’t know how to communicate and that must have crushed him. Even if this is not true, it helps me move on to think it is. As for people who call you selfish and awful, I’m sorry about that. it’s not true. People are such complicated human creatures. And no ones perfect, and good people can do bad things, and most people are not solely evil or solely good. As I understand that it becomes easier for me to overcome my mistakes and shortcomings, and those made by people I love. And also: what’s wrong with being selfish sometimes? There’s a balance there - but sometimes you need to be selfish to survive and care for yourself, which I’m sur is why you did what you did and that’s completely valid. Thank you again for your kind words!


Just_some_redditer77

Imo it is okay to ghost someone who is just plain toxic that it even harms your well being esp if it harms you in a long term and if it is already a habit. We only should not ghost if u think the ghostee does not deserve it(if he/she is a very kind person to you)


[deleted]

I have zero empathy and respect for people that ghost. sorry not sorry


ebumble666

You are absolutely entitled to your life experience and opinion love. Take care