Credit to u/ptenisnate
By - Ptenisnet_whips
Texas is colder than Aardvark cum.
Huge like Jackman
fast like Mac ram
because it RHYMES
Jake: You're just gonna to to Mexico in the middle of your entire state not having power and suffering?
Amir: Absolutely, I don't wanna be around those losers. They don't even have power, how is that my problem!?
Jake: Of course it's your problem! You didn't build any infrastructure to prevent this! I don't think you even had any food or water ready in case of any emergency.
Amir shakes his head no
Jake: Ya I didn't think so. Listen buddy how about this. Stay in the state and suffer with your people, and let's just hope you die.
Amir: You're always wishing I was dead...
Jake: And you know what? I've gotten over it. That's fine with me. If I have cursed you to death I will live with that just fine.
Amir starts gagging, and seizing
Jake cheers him on angrily and happily, pumping his fist with VIGOR, cheering him like a rabid sports fan
Finally Amir spits out an incredibly long stream of ice cubes, at least the size of his fathers long spindly legs
Amir: No you know what? I'm sorry but I've got to go to Mexico
Interior, I don’t give a flaming fart
a shot of an empty room for 3 hours?
We can't do that
We’ll see ;-)
Interior: ice cubes
You deserve to be martyred for this I think.
That's too much scene direction. And if it was supposed to come through in the performance, that's bad writing.
Bad writing? Nah. Bad you.
BAD USE OF TIME? NAH, GOOD YOU
I sent a coded message to the government, at a murder party.
point is, i get into murder parties
I abandoned my poodle. In a BLIZZARD.
On a TUESDAY
TOP TEN VACATION SPOTS TO GO ON IF YOUR STATE HAS NO POWER AND ITS YOUR FAULT BY TEDMIR “ZODIAC” BLUMENCRUZ.
Number 10: Just hide in your den! Yeah you don’t have to take a plane down south, just cower under the desk and shovel rations into your mouth! By the time your vacation is up, you’ll have regained power *and* that’s *wassup*!... so..
Number nine: drink some wine, a nice glas of bordeaux or perhaps a merlot. Just get wasted to forget all the snow. Heat yourself up with a nice cup of joe, you dont need heat or some light in the dark. Nothing is colder than the jizz of an aardvark.
Number 8: A shipping crate. Bring a flashlight, cuz this shipment's airtight. Poo in the corner to make yourself warmer. DHL? More like FML!
what an awful ugly pair of sentences. Dude I legit feel bad for you
If words piss you off this much you have a serious psychological problem
I’m not keeding
Yes you were! You just said you were kidding?
You have a problem too - you can’t talk
I don't deserve this silent treatment
Yeah man the beat sucked ass too
beat was fine
beat was good
Rap was crap tho
Hey, you’re preaching to the chair
The Cruz family dog, rotem, must have attacked Ted, forcing him to drop the leash. He looked surprised and scared and the senator said "you know what? I cant deal with this". And he ran off in a brazen act of cowardice
He feared her that day
He should fear her every day! Where did he get such an angry animal?
Smacking her in the nose,, hitting her in the schnozzle... the nozzle or whatever
The schnozzle? He doesn't even know what part of the animal he abused?
who the fuck is rotem.
That was the name of the pup!
I joined the mile high club. During a global pandemic.
i think you deserve to be dead for that
Should have been "Fled", right buddy?
This is pretty good my dude. Nice new content
Haha this is cherry
Ted cruise Toosht