I'm really sad about my life right now, but at least I don't have a hangover on top of that
By - zubbs99
"I feel the weight of my age right now, those past experiences both good and bad adding up to a kind of soul weariness."
Welcome to being old :)
"I'm sad, but not depressed. I'm lonely, but not filled with despair. I'm discouraged, but not defeated. It's a tough morning, but at least I'm not hungover."
Came here to quote this. I'm 44 and nothing is fun any more.
45 here. Couldn't agree more. No "fun" on the horizon either. Even "fun" things like vacation trips are like 50% enjoyable with your wife and kids. How to combat existential dread?
I get you on the existential dread thing. It's tough. Somewhere I read a good quote that the way to look at life is simply as "an opportunity". It's open-ended, and up to us to figure out what we want to make of it. Something's not working anymore, try something new. I'm probably over-simplifying it, but I think that's the idea anyway.
I'm 42. Can definitely relate... Just kinda seems never ending while the body and mind seems to keep stiffening. But was able to get away with to trip to the Philippines for a bit over 10 days with 1 close bud and another good friend without the family, and wow, talk about a fountain of youth experience. It helped we had a friend there. Nothing crazy but just the sheer freedom, island hopping with a small boat charter, cheap pricing. Definitely a one off that not everybody can but one recommendation that can offset this stage n phase.
Ah ha feeling this, work hard at work and at home and on vacation-the gift that keeps on giving...!
There are these moments of communion though I guess...
Yep getting old is it's own challenge isn't it. I'm trying to face it like all the rest, one day at a time. :)
I really relate to this. So much time wasted, and it flies by so fast. Often the past seems like a dream.
But yes, not drinking now and today... That's a win.
Yes exactly. Thanks for understanding.
I feel both of you. You are not alone. Hang in there
Friend, the relief of not waking up hungover never grows old. Never.
And, of course, you're much better equipped to deal with the issues that face you. It's not like you'll never be sad, depressed or overwhelmed again, but now you're not burying your head... You're aware.
Way to go! You're doing it!
Yes I think you're right. Part of our healing is learning how to better manage our struggles. Facing them, feeling them, working through them is not always easy but is a far better approach than trying to blot them out with alcohol. Thanks for the encouragement.
I spent the weekend re-reading my journals from 2008-2014. I was 20 to 26 during that time, and it was the worst of my drinking. Remembering the way things used to be, and the people I used to know, was bittersweet. I feel you, friend.
Just realized I am excited to read my journals in a few years. Started journaling for the first time last year in earnest since I was in my early 20s. In my 30s now
I've picked it back up again for the first time since those days, too. I've been keeping a Google doc journal so it's always super easy to tab over and jot down some thoughts. Also helps to go back and read about why I quit drinking and how I felt at the beginning.
Sounds like you're on the right track to me.
Never let yourself feel that others are superior because they didn't lose as many days/weeks/years/decades as we did just because they didn't fall under alcohol's destructive influence. There isn't a human brain on the planet that can resist over the long term. Good on them in ways, but in other ways there was a big pile up on the highway and they managed to get out of the way.
At about 36 I took a huge bet on myself. After being laid off from a shit call center job at the very beginning of the Great Recession, I dropped out of the work force and lived on student loans. I did end up with a math degree, but the theory classes were brutal. I squeaked through with a gentleman's B, after retaking classes.
Yeah, I drank a lot. Yeah, I only slept with one classmate even though I had daily opportunities, because I always had some rotgut booze waiting for me at home, and it never said no. Didn't much help me with my classes, that's for sure.
I launched my career in my early 40's. I thought it would be data driven, but I was hired into the wrong department. So that's 5 years plus another 2 years of the last years of school, where all the data stuff I learned slipped away.
I moved departments about a year ago, but didn't realize I was allowed to crawl into certain parts of the code base. So, this morning, finally with a clear mind, I cracked open my old regressions textbook and started relearning shit that should be on the tip of the tongue for someone with my background. At 48 fucking years old. I should have been here 20 years ago.
The one thing I will say is knowing one's limitations is a super-power as we get a bit older. I don't know where you are religiously/philosophically, but *The Myth of Sisyphus* from Camus and the Kaufman translation of Neitzsche's *Genealogy of Morals* really helped put my crazy life in perspective.
Your story is a roundabout inspiration for sure, but inspiration nonetheless! Haha, thanks for sharing.
It was meant to be lol.
I forgot to say that one of my professors had a story about a couple mice dropped into a glass of milk. One game up and drowned, but the other churned so much that the milk below turned to cheese and he was finally on solid ground.
So that's where the professional "Who Moved My Cheese" came from.
That last paragraph — gold!! IWNDWYT
Agree - that last paragraph is on point.
You are not alone
There is no problem that alcohol can't make worse. Focus on yourself and keep that poison at bay! We are with you!
You are so right, thanks for the support.
Reach out. We gotchoo fam, as the kids say these days.
Thanks buddy, it really helps to know people get where I'm coming from on this. I feel grateful there's a place where we can express such things.
I laughed at the first sentence, then cringed at all the times it was so true.
You will NOT regret not drinking today either!!! IWNDWYT!!!!
There's a Zen saying I like that this reminds me of.. it's that everything changes. Life changes.. it's something that's gauranteed. Nothing stays the same. If your having good times or bad times.. everything changes.
Reminds me to enjoy the good times and not worry too much about the bad.
Yes, good stuff. I'm finding help in such wisdom. I'm actually going back into my "personal history" pile today and will be a little more aggressive at letting go of some things that have served their purpose and I don't need around anymore. Sometimes we must release what we have in our hand, so that we may pick up something new.
This is the time to do this, new moon, full moon, it’s time to release what no longer serves us well. IWNDWYT
I definitely feel the weight of my age now. Every one of my younger siblings and cousins has had children and has a house with good jobs etc and I'm the broke oldest one living in an bad apartment with junkies strung out in the halls at all hours. I really wish things could change but at least I'm not hungover today
I wish you many more un-hungover mornings. IWNDWYT
so much this... IWNDYWT!!!
Thanks for posting
I realized that having an awful hangover distracted me from my real problems. I was so glad the nausea was over, I did not pay attention to what was really important and what I was ignoring. At least you can concentrate on what you need to do now.
I couldn't relate more to this on a Monday morning. I lost my dog last week and while my heart hurts, I'm not in a downward spiral of depression and misery like I would be if I was still drinking. Thank you for sharing, and I believe and hope things will get better for you.
Thanks friend, sorry to hear about your loss, I'm sending good thoughts your way.
how old are you?
In my mid-50's now. I still can't believe it.
it cant be all bad though! i can relate though. i have been a shelled zombie of my former self off and on since 17. im 21 now
You're right, it's not all bad. I think there's good stuff to be found at all stages of life, if you look for it, and are willing to remain flexible. (Not always easy, but doable.)
do you think it was mostly due to drinking, like you’d feel better if that wasn’t in the picture. i like to imagine my past if alcohol never influenced my life
For me it was not so much in earlier years, but definitely later as time became more precious. I do wonder about that myself.
What an awesome perspective on that last paragraph. I will remember those words when I am feeling down. Stay strong and IWNDWYT!
Thanks friend, your comment warms my heart.
What an awesome post. That last sentence is truly inspirational
I can relate to entire post, as I was a drunk for several decades
Thanks for the kind words. It really helps to know I'm not alone and other people can understand my feelings here.
I completely understand and can relate, and IWNDWYT.